My first heartbreak at 33 and it hurts like h*ll!?

Question

Met my first love we where both 15 when we met and married at 20 for 13 years. She told me that she fell out of love with me but will always love me. She fell in love witha guy at her work. We where each others first and shared so many wonderful times together. All I can think about is him doing her and her him! Is that normal? I stay up all night thinking about them having sex. Its so painful. If I had my heart broken younger and she wasn't a virgin when we met it might be easier right??? How long does this last? Its been a month since she left

Answer 1

bro, i feel for you. im 41, and ive had 4 major relationships in my life. each time i seem to get a better woman for some reason. my first was a virgin and we went out for 5 years. one day she just turned her back and stopped feeling for me. i was 75 percent at fault due to my partying. the problem with virgins is the fact that they start wondering what it would be like to be with another. and at that point, any problems in that relationship fuel the idea. that coulpled with women gossip, "oh you should see what your missing" and all of that bs that fair whethered friends that arent happy preach to a unsure, vulnerable, hurt heart adds rocket fuel to the fire. you say its been 30 days, and shes already seeing someone else, bro, you must move on because that bond that you two shared has been broken. remove every single memory of her out of the house, rearrange your furniture, or move, and stop all communication with her. its over bro and im sorry for4 that. dont call her and dont take her calls. it will be months before you start to feel better. and keep talking about it to people who can give you sound advice. you will find someone better once youve let this one go. i promise you. take care

Answer 2

I can't imagine how hard this must be on you. You really need to try to find something that will take up your time so that you don't think so much about it. Maybe you could keep a journal. A private journal so that you can get all your frustrations out. This helps because it helps organize your thoughts. Also this helpls because you will go back through and read it and it will be like your giving your self advice. I know how hurt you must feel and mad you must be because of what she has done to you. Just remember that revenge doesn't heal it just keeps your pain alive. You need to heal and this is a slow process. I really encourage you to just get a pen and a new notebook and start writing. You would be amazed at what comes out. You might find it hard at first to start writing but when you do it will all come out and then you can read it and you will see things you never seen before and understand better certain issues. You will be more organized and maybe heal faster.

Answer 3

You'll be going through hell for a bit longer rest assured. What you're dealing with is very normal. At one time, she was your best friend and the love of your life; now she's not. She has consciously moved on and you need to accept this. You are weak right now and could make poor judgments. Don't get involved with another until you have accepted that you and your ex are over with and don't take her back if she tries to pull something on you. If she's done it once, she'll do it again. Just let go and move on. There really is a better future for you regardless of how you feel at the moment. You are sad and depressed and that's okay. Time will make you better though. Stay strong and do the right thing for yourself and your future. My prayers are with you.

Answer 4

The honest truth is that you will probably always love her and some part of you will always hurt when you think of her.. you had so much time together and so many firsts... No, it wouldn't be easier if you had had your heart broken before.. you LOVED her.. and to be honest, if it didn't hurt this way you would know you never loved her to begin with.. Like a deep wound, it will heal with time, but you will carry the scar forever.. It lasts different amounts of time for everyone.. when I left my husband (physical abuse) I mourned our marriage for, Wow.. about 8 months.. now, 11 mos. later, it still hurts sometimes... but, I'm happier more often than not.. just make yourself stay busy doing anything you like to do.. and plunge into it.. for me, it was time with my baby, answers and work.. one day, you'll realize you haven't been heartbroken all day and from there it only gets better..

Answer 5

Sounds like the seven year itch a few years too late, she will probably be back when the newness wears off. Sounds like lust. First love is the one you NEVER, no matter what anybody tell you, truly get over. Just about anybody will tell you their first love will always have a special place in their heart. He knows less about her & her ways & that is probably what is so enticing about him, right now. It's just something different. You know the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, then when you get on the other side of the fence & the grass is still greener on the other side of the fence. Go out find you someone who won't get too attached to you & you won't get too attached to & have some fun while you can.

Answer 6

It could last a long time. The best thing to do is to get back out there, meet some new people, even if just for friends. I know the feeling you have--like a shotgun shot to your chest at close range. It doesn't matter if it were one year or 20 years that you were together, pain is pain. I'm jealous you made it so long without the pain.

Answer 7

That pain really hurts for sure. That feeling you are experiencing is truly horrible and haunting and you have to get it out of your head. She already moved on.. so there is no reconcile... you have to do that too, mate.

If you are still in that same house, dude get out. Move somewhere else. Join a gym.. workout every day.. cause that helps burn off some steam.. should have seen me in that cycle class this morning mate.. I could have worked over those French Alps like they were made of butter.. harness that emotional energy for something useful.

You have to change your environment ... all that stuff that torments you.. shove it in a crate and send the crate to Alaska in a storage shed... lot of old bones filed away in storage sheds up in Alaska dude... that's where they belong too. Cut those friends of hers out of your life.. you know... all those ones you didn't really like anyway but tolerated for her sake. They are just on your case doing some snooping so that they can report back to her for their own amusement (to see how she reacts - they're b#ches ~ follow your own instincts).

Whatever you do.. don't let her "be your friend" man, those feelings you are having will just eat you up every time you see her. Get her out of your head... like it's been a long dream and you have just woken up as a free agent ... best advice I can give.

Oh .. yahoo answers.. you can say things on here you have never dared say.. you can express thoughts that you would never express in public.. you are anonymous. Man, it has to help to explore your emotions that way.

Answer 8

Eighteen years are not easily erased. It will take awhile, possibly years before you get completely over the situation. I know that it did for me. I was however, able to move on enough to get out and enjoy myself before that. I just was not able to get into a relationship until I found closure. Best wishes. I know it will be hard, but you will be fine.

By the way, sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side. Once they leave, they usually find out that what they had was better than what they left.

Answer 9

she never had a chance to test the water. she'll be back when she realizes what she gave up and if not oh well. you need to move on. get angry, cry. stop torturing yourself with the mental images. i know a guy that is going through almost the same thing. he's always asking why did she leave, if she says she still loves me why isn't she with me? i tell him that she doesn't know what she wants so she going to whore around a little until she figures it out. it could be that she says she loves you still to try to let you down gently but she doesn't realize that it's messing with your head. let her know that you re there for her if she decides she wants you back but you re not going to wait around forever. guaranteed the first time she hears of you dating someone she's going to get jealous

Answer 10

im so sorry se did this to you.What you are feeling is normal, its all part of the process, I am an expert at heartbreak and am going through the same thing myself right now, I am very sleep deprived at the moment but you will find someone who will rock you world, if she is willing to let somthing this special go so easily, she will regret it in the long run and it will be too late.