What makes a marriage successful?

Question

I know there are days were you have to work extra hard and you should never give up on your spouse, but I would appreciate some tips, wisdom....etc. :)

Answer 1

TIPS FOR A HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

The following are tips for both wives and husbands, to help make the task a little less daunting, and to increase the many rewards that are possible in such a marvelous and complex relationship.

Enter the Marriage with the Right Intention and Renew this Often
Both spouses should enter the marriage with the pure intention of pleasing Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, in order to receive His grace and blessings. The marriage itself then becomes an act of worship and one for which both spouses will be rewarded. Allah will be pleased with them and this will be the most critical element in ensuring peace, stability and happiness throughout the marital life. It is also important to realize that when an act of worship is continued over a long period of time, it becomes necessary to renew one's intention often to remain on the correct path and to obtain the most benefit.

Remember that Your Spouse is also Your Brother or Sister in Islam
Too often Muslims treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity, but then behave in a very different manner when it comes to their own spouses. Muslims should always remember that one's spouse is also another brother or sister in Islam and that the rights and duties that apply to the general brotherhood (sisterhood) of Islam, should also form the basis of the marital relationship. Obviously, a spouse has rights beyond these, but there should be a clear understanding of the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood) and adherence to these principles.

Do Not Hold Unrealistic Expectations
Before marriage, people often have unrealistic ideas about their spouse-to-be, expecting perfection in all aspects. This rarely, if ever, plays out in reality and can lead to unnecessary problems and concerns. We should recall that Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, created humans as imperfect beings, which means that many mistakes will be made throughout a lifetime. By turning the table and expecting imperfection, we will be pleasantly surprised and pleased when our spouse is much more than we ever hoped for. This, in turn, will lead to contentment within the marriage.

Emphasize the Best in Your Spouse
Since no one is endowed with all of the best qualities, emphasis should be placed on the positive qualities that a spouse possesses. Encouragement, praise, and gratitude should be expressed on a regular basis, which will strengthen these qualities and be beneficial in developing others. An attempt should be made to overlook or ignore negative characteristics, as the Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said, "A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing." (Muslim)

Be Your Mate's Best Friend
Try to think of what a best friend means and be one to your spouse. This may mean sharing interests, experiences, dreams, failures and upsets. It may involve understanding a spouse's likes and dislikes and attempting to please him or her in any way possible. A best friend is also usually someone that can be confided to trusted, and relied upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that one would want to keep throughout life.

Spend Quality Time Together
It is not enough to share meals, chores and small talk together. Spouses should also find time to focus on strengthening the relationship. Often couples get busy with their own separate tasks and forget about working on one of the most important elements in life. Quality time may be anything from having a quiet, profound conversation to going for a nice long nature walk, to sharing a special hobby or project. Both spouses should enjoy the particular option chosen and distractions should be kept to a minimum.

Express Feelings Often
This is probably a very "Western" concept and one that some people may have difficulty fulfilling, but it is important to be open and honest about one's feelings, both positive and negative. The lines of communication should always be open and any concerns should be brought to the attention of the other spouse as soon as they arise. The rationale of this is that what begins as a simple concern may grow into a major problem if it is not addressed quickly and properly. The "silent treatment" has never been the remedy for anything.

Admit to Mistakes and ask for Forgiveness
Just as we ask Allah to forgive us when we make mistakes, we should also do the same with our spouses. The stronger person is the one who can admit when he or she is wrong, request pardon from the other, and work hard to improve his/her aspects that are in need of change. When a person is unwilling to do this, there will be little growth and development in the marriage.

Never Bring up Mistakes of the Past
It can be very hurting for another person to be reminded of past mistakes. In Islam, it is generally not recommended to dwell on the past. One may remember errors that were made so that they are not repeated, but this should not be done excessively. Certainly, as humans, we are not in the position to judge another person. Advice may be given, but not in a harmful manner.

Surprise Each Other at Times
This may entail bringing home a small gift or flowers, preparing a special meal, dressing up and beautifying oneself (this is not only for women), or sending a secret note in a lunchbox. A little imagination will go a long way here. The idea is to spice up the marriage and avoid getting into a dull routine that may negatively affect the marriage.

Have a Sense of Humour
This particular aspect can go a long way in preventing arguments and brightening the atmosphere of the home. Life is a constant stream of challenges and tests, and to approach it in a light-hearted manner will help to make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. You may also find that your spouse enjoys this characteristic and looks forward to spending time with you because of it.

Answer 2

I think the two most important things in a marriage are respect and communication. Although it never hurts to like each other. :)

If you respect your partner, you won't say things that can't be unsaid, and you'll try hard to hear them out when they're making a point, even if you don't agree with it. You'll be more likely to take their feelings into account before you end up in a situation where you're fighting. Also, in the very bad times when you're not sure if you still love him, you'll know how much you respect him, and want to stay his partner. That's priceless.

Communication is the thread that holds a marriage together. If you talk regularly about how things are going (not just within the relationship, but in daily life too) you'll be able to put your life on a path you both want. You'll be able to head off problems before they get serious, and you'll be able to create solutions together. It's strange, being married, because it is your life, but it's also your partner's life too, and everything you do and decide affects them completely. Communication lets everything mesh in a way everyone can live with.

My best advice while figuring the whole thing out, is be yourself and try not to say anything too hurtfull during arguments. The rest should come in time. Good luck!

Answer 3

Many people say..."Don't go to bed angry..."

I have to say that that phrase is SUPER wrong.

Sleep on it, when you have an argument.

I know of a couple who both had a hard day and when they saw each other that evening, they (as many couples do) took it out on each other indirectly as a result of arguing about the little things that were left undone in the home.
As the argument escalated and each spouse tried to say the harshest thing to end the conversation to "win," the husbnad said, "I only married you for the sex."

This really put a strain on the relationship for a long long time. They sought counselling later on for their problems which stemmed from this response.

If only they just slept off their problem and relaxed so that the next day they were a little more clear-headed.

Go to bed angry, sleep on it, you'll feel refreshed and calm the next morning to talk things through.

Answer 4

1. Love
2. Trust
3. Loyalty
4. Understanding
5. Passion
6. Patience
8. Commitment
9. Friendship

Answer 5

We've been happily married 36 years, and I guarantee you, some of the key elements of a successful relationship - married or otherwise - are:

1) A long list of common interests; things you both enjoy doing TOGETHER as opposed to separate interests and separate groups of friends.

2) A lot of tolerance for each other's differences. As much as you share in common, you're still going to rub one another wrong from time to time. Be mature and deal with it. Separate the small $h!t from the serious stuff.

3) A sense of compromise; so that you can work out your problems with a minimum of emotional trauma. It's marital negotiation.

4) A sense of sympathy and forgiveness. You're both going to screw up on occasion. You need to be able to forgive, forget, and move on with the relationship.

Answer 6

have as much fun as you can together. Life is hard, you need to laugh every chance you get.

Keep dating each other, being affectionate, etc. Couples who are still holding hands when they grow old are an amazing example of love and devotion for us all.

Respect each other. Keep arguments fair, tell the other where you're going and when you'll be back,

Do little things that make each other happy. Cook his favorite meal. Buy her flowers or clean up a room while she's gone

Pray! God is on your side and would love to bless your marriage

Answer 7

Don't try to change the other person. Stop being self-centered, your a team, partners for life. It's about give and take. Don't stop talking. Don't dwell always on the bad.
I wonder how many people who answered your question is actually married? Remember, there is no perfect marriage.

Answer 8

Accept your spouse for who he/she is. Laugh at everything. Have goals together. Have fun together. Build exactly the life you both want together. Know when to speak and when to just shut up. Be there for them, always.

Answer 9

Appreciation, Love, and Respect.

I would consider you reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage."

Show your spouse that you love him by your actions.

Answer 10

Keeping the mutual trust, respect and of course the unconditional love for each other ... for as long as they have God as their foundation of their marriage... even when times get rough and tough and sometimes shaky, they will get through with it and be more stronger with their marriage.