If I Divorce my abusive husband, and my children have never been a day without me in there life, say that they would never want to spend the night with there father, and not be able to not sleep in there own bed at night for visitation with him, will the court change there life style that they are happy with? husband is in the Millitary, and has only seen the kids two weeks out of the year, they are very happy now, and want it to stay that way, I'm scared!! he threatens that he will take the kids from me, and that I must listen to his commands, he sexually threatens me, saying what he can do when he returns to visit, I would only supervised visitation, any advise??
2007-07-23 17:38:17 · 10 answers · asked by l 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
children are 9 and 8 years old
2007-07-23 17:39:38 · update #1
If he is abusive in anyway,record his conversations,document each word said and take notes. Go to your local Family services agency who can get you in touch with counsel. There are womans agency for battered or abused woman in every city. They will get you legal counsel and apply for a restraining order on you and your childrens behalf. Be prepared to start the divorce process and plan where and how your kids will get by. If he is away for the majority of the year you have more time to do this. If there is a restraining order in effect for threats and abusive behavior he will not be able to see the kids for the lenght of the restraining order which should be about three years. If he appeals make sure you fight him on it.
When he comes back document everything,and if he is abusive,call the cops! They will document everything and it will help you make your case to the judge.
The kids will be fine.Please don't think you have to stay because of them.Kids would rather be from a broken home,then living in one. If he treats you in this manner,think of the way he will be to them when your not around. They trust you to make the right decision. If your heart is in the right place God will light the way.Good Luck
2007-07-23 19:23:02 · answer #1 · answered by starriiss78 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a good lawyer and proof of abuse, physical if possible on the kids and you, should insure supervised visits. An interview with the kids by a professional of the court should also help them not have to stay with Dad if they are really that scared. Make sure that the JAG lawyer is fully aware of the situation and also (although I really had a problem with this part) some women have approached the company commander about the situation. The military does not look favorably on abuse. If he is active duty/regular military, they can and I have seen it done be ordered not to do certain things and this can be more powerful than any divorce court. But whatever the courts decision is, make sure his chain of command is aware of the situation and they can be your most powerful allies. Good Luck
2007-07-23 17:57:19 · answer #2 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has every right to be a part of your children's lives. Just because you aren't happy with him and your situation, doesn't mean that you have any right to further irritate the situation by keeping the kids from him. Your children are not old enough to have any say in when they are to spend time with their dad. Have you persuaded them in any way to have the idea that if they spent the night away from you that you would be hurt and upset? Have you sent to wrong message to your own children? You should encourage them to have a relationship with their father. It is so sad when women behave this way with the kids. If your husband DIDN'T want to spend time with the kids you would call him a deadbeat. Do what is in the best interest of your children, not yours.
2007-07-23 17:47:35 · answer #3 · answered by bigmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have to get a lawyer who knows military law. Tell him all the threats your husband has been making, tell him that your husband is abusive. The only way you CAN have superivised visits with him and the children is if the COURT decides that way. But YOU have to get a lawyer and FILE firs.
2007-07-23 20:38:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The children should be appointed their own lawyer who can appeal to the Courts on the childrens' behalf as to what they want and don't want.
You and your husband will of course have your own legal representation but the children should be appointed independent counsel.
The Court will make an unbiased decision on custody issues and visitation rights.
2007-07-23 18:09:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A judge may need to know of his threats. This above all else will convince the court system he should NOT be allowed unsupervised visits. Generall only older kids can say they Don't want visits, it's decided for the younger ones unless cause is there.
2007-07-23 18:02:02 · answer #6 · answered by mikebnchprss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get an attorney. I know it can be expensive but you need to at least sit down with one for a consultation to find out what your rights are, what steps you should take to ensure the children's living situation is kept stable, and to protect yourself. Learn you rights. Take action to preserve your rights and your children's rights to stay with you before your husband takes the initiative and files papers first. First, file a protective order and say that your husband is threatening you. Keep all offensive messages that he leaves on your cell phone voice-mail or answering machine for evidence of his abusive nature and his threats. File for full custody. But, most importantly, talk to an attorney. Explain that you don't have money but you need advice and are willing to pay for a consultation to find out what you should do and what rights you have. Take excellent notes and be prepared to represent yourself in court if need be.
best wishes.
2007-07-23 18:08:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you. I see it all the time - people using their kids to get back at their ex - or having the overwhelming pyschotic need to inform their kids of how awful the ex is. They need to pull their heads out of their backsides and realize that nothing EVER is more important than the kids having a great relationship with both their parents! If it turns out Mom/ Dad is a real piece of work.....guess what....the kiddies figure it out on their own when they grow up. Visitation and child support are not "bargaining" chips to be played out in a drama to piss off the other person or control them. These people need to grow up! Stop thinking like a tempermental toddler and acting like a parent. I despise my ex - but I have never used the kids as a pawn. We (as PARENTS) have their best interest in our thoughts - not how to use them to hurt each other. Honestly - I think that the courts need to wake up and see that this behavior by parents is abuse. If the parents can't get it together then the courts need to put criminal penalties to the situation.
2016-05-17 04:54:36 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, I was in the same position.. and my attys advice was that even though he was abusive to me, he would not necessarily be to our daughter, and until he was, she would go for visitation.. of course, with your husband being in the military there are extinuating circumstances.. with his not having been with the kids that much.. but, honey, if he's abusing you, you have to get out.. and the kids are not happy knowing mom is being abused.. this is not what you think they should be treated like by their spouse or how they should treat others.. it is not okay. If he's abusing you, get out with your kids, get a good atty and seek his / her advice on what you need for the best possible case.
2007-07-23 17:44:18 · answer #9 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask a lawyer to advise you.
2007-07-23 17:41:38 · answer #10 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋