Why do men get irritated by women talking about their feelings?

Question

I'm just curious...I've heard and experienced that men don't like to talk about their feelings much and they seem to get irritated with women talking about theirs. Why is that? Do you men have any tips for us women on how we can talk to you when we need to? It's hard for a woman to be "shut down" when she's trying to explain something that is hurting her...so we need you to listen. But, I also understand that men can't handle all that (don't know why) - so I want to be more sensative to my man but I also have some needs myself (mostly to express myself). I'm learning to do some of it with my lady friends - but sometimes I want HIM in particular to listen. He does. He's sweet about it. But, I can tell it's hard for him. Help! Tips? Advice? (Please be nice, no need to bash me or call me names...I'm seeking CONSTRUCTIVE criticism or advice). THANKS! :)

Answer 1

Problem with you ladies is that you are just never satisfied when a man tells you he really loves you & you keep on asking the man does he really loves you. You ladies always doubt the love of your man & even if he gives his life for you you'll still not believe him & even on his dead body you'll be saying, "see I knew you never loved me that’s why you have gone away from me" fully knowing that man gave his life just to make you believe his love for you. Now tell me if because of your nature if your man will not get irritated then what else he will do? Try to believe your man & trust him for his words.

Answer 2

I think that many women, including me, get rather analitical about feelings. We enjoy understanding feelings and evalutating them. Most men don't seem to think the same way at all. I think a lot of men like to "problem solve" and when we talk about feelilngs in an open-ended way, where expression is what counts, not "solving" anything.... men get lost and bored..... there doesn't seem to be a point ... to them.
I get real frustrated with this, but since you are willing to take some responsibility for the solution, here's what I suggest:
Get right to the point, keep it short, and have a point ... a specific goal that can be achieved. If you really want to put some effort into it... make it so he thinks that he figured out the solution.

Answer 3

My husband is the same way. He is sweet and listens to me grip, vent, whatever you want to call it. But when it comes down to him, he hardly ever says anything other than what's business at hand. I've asked him about this and he simply stated "If I can't do anything about it what good does it do to get upset." So, I'm not like that! Why?! Because I'm a girl and I like to talk, vent, grip... You get the picture. As I've said before in other answers, women are different from men and it's nothing to be alarmed by. This is yet another way that we differ from each other. Hey, I've thought about his words and wonder if I should take up on his advice. If you can't change it, don't worry. If you can, DO IT! Good luck! :)

Answer 4

From roughly 150,000 BC men liked to go out, find something big, kill it and haul it back for the village to eat. After the village ate it, they sang his praises and all 14 of the unmarried women in the village coupled with him, in hopes their child would inherit his prowess. Making "Life Insurance Salesman of the Month - District 14, sub-region D" isn't exactly the same thing, but men still value deeds more than feelings. They like to grunt once or twice in return for fulsome praise. They don't like to share their feelings.

"Were you frightened when the mammoth turned and charged?""

(Two choices - "I soiled myself and puked" or "not enough to notice, Ma'am". Which one do you think a man will choose?)

If you possibly can, read a book titled "You Just Don't Understand" by Deborah Tannen. Your public library should have it. Your used bookstore may have it. Amazon.com does have it.

Men talk to gain points. Women talk to establish a commonality of experience. Feelings don't' get you points. They make you vulnerable.

Men don't talk about feelings unless the lights are out, you have the covers pulled up, the windows shut, and he has made TWO rounds of the house to make there there are no eavesdroppers. Even then, it is as if you were speaking Zulu and he was speaking Albanian.

You can't change them. You can cope with it. If you are smart enough, you can cope with it brilliantly.
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Added later:
Since I posted late, I can look at the others.
IMHO,
Sticks is useless.
Amanda B is clueless.
Julia has a point.
Jairo is useless.
Chekota is right.
Charles is a wimp.
Marcie has some good points.
Brad doesn't get to the point fast enough.
Mimi reflects some of what others have said.
Miked is accurate but could have been politer.

Answer 5

You are on the right track with girlfriends. Men just don't get into the over analyzing of ever nook and cranny of a given situation like we do. If you want a good time to talk to him, talk after sex. Not every time mind you, but I've found that's when my husband is most open and sensitive. He'll listen to me otherwise but I can tell when he's glazing over and thinking "Omg will she ever shut up" lol. I don't approach him with much "feeling" talk unless it's something that directly affects him. If you are really struggling with a problem that you need him to hear about, let him know that you just need him to listen. My husband is always there for me when he knows I need him. Otherwise, talk to your girlfriends. That's why we have them in our lives! Without them I'd be totally insane.... Good luck :)

Answer 6

Men don't really care that much about feelings. They are too weak to handle serious matters and commitments. When you start to talk about feelings, it usually lead into commitments and this the thing they hated the most. rather than withdraw themselves at the middle of a discussion, they rather don't indulge into it.

This is life and we just have to live with it.

Though generally men are like that, not all are the same. In fairness, there are also those who are deeply concerned and is willing to go into deep commitment not only feelings so when you find a man who doesn't want to talk about your feelings, you either live with it or find someone else.

Answer 7

Not all men are this way. How we got the reputation, I'm not sure. I think it may be because there are more immature and selfish men than there are mature and selfless men in this country. I think you should rethink you statement that men get irritated by women talking about their feelings because it's simply not true.............

I am a man and I know that I can only speak for myself, just to be clear. In my opinion men who cannot or will not listen to how their woman is feeling or consider what her needs are and nurture her through life should expect that she will look to someone else to have those needs fulfilled. I say this because we are talking about needs, not wants. You have a need to have your partner be the most intimate friend you could ever possibly have, and if he isn't, then perhaps you need to reconsider whether or not the issue is a deal breaker in your relationship. If your man is not emotionally available to you, you shouldn't expect him to become emotionally available to you in the future, because people don't change like that in general.

I have a question for you now. Why are so many women willing to spend there lives deprived of an emotionally loving and nurturing relationship in order to devote themselves to a man who is not willing to provide or perhaps not capable of providing for their emotional needs? There are men who are more compatable with you, so why not find one of those men to love and cherish? Instead of blaming the man you chose for not being there for you, maybe you should question your ability to choose who is right for you. We make our choices then we live with them. You chose him, so do you have a right to complain? Perhaps you want to believe that all men are that way so you won't have to think about those women who are being loved, adored and cherished by their men.

I am only being honest, so please don't shoot the messenger. You have applied your situation to the general norm, and sure, your situation isn't unique because many women don't know how to choose their men wisely.

Answer 8

i find that women talk just for the sake of talking not to try to fix the issue or work on a solution just talk. Men like to fix things so if the washer is broke standing around it talking about it does not get it fixed we find that to be worthless and a waste of time. If something is bothering you we view that as something is broke and now lets figure out how to fix not become emotional and talk about it for hours, days on and on so what women could do is learn to bring up a subject and get right to the point. And let it be a subject that you want a resolution too.

Answer 9

Know what you mean. What I have learned recently is that you have to give it to them in small doses and if you do it in a way that allows for open communication on the subject in which jokes can be made and flirting can occur this helps. They will be more interested and you will get them to a point where they will say," is that how you feel," and then you can tell them, "aw forget it, it's pillow talk." (ya know, the talking you do after sex.) After sex, they should be asking you what it is that you want to say.

Answer 10

Men usually don't like to have these kinds of conversation because as soon as they know we are upset about something they think they have to find a way to fix it.
They don't understand that sometimes we just want someone to listen.
You just need to let him know what your needs are too. Let him know how much it helps when you can talk to him about something.
That will atleast encourage him more.
Maybe say in the beginning..."I know there's nothing we can do about this but I just need to talk about what's bothering me....."
See how that goes.
Otherwise: "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus". :D