My husband never tells me I'm pretty or says I love you first....?

Question

I've tried to tell him how I would like him to treat me and I've even gotten him a book that we read together. He still does not compliment or say I love you, without being prompted and it hurts. What do I do?

Answer 1

honestly, some guys are just like that. he might tell you in his own way. just figure out what love language he speaks.

to a man things like changing the oil in your car are signs of affection. to us, it needed to be done and they knew it.. theres a big difference between the sexes

Answer 2

Ask him ! Ask him why he never tells you. I would. Don't be rude but just say hey you know I was wondering why..... etc. I think that communication with honesty is the best thing for a relationship. Remember you want the truth and sometimes people really don't want to hear it. Marriage is work and all about compromising for each other. Talk to him. Don't nag or yell be an adult about it. Good luck ! Oh and don't listen to negative comments, you should be confident about yourself but lets all be HONEST, it is great and feels good when your spouse compliments you once and while. Feels great when your spouse says hey baby I love you. Maybe those first people who responded aren't married and have no clue. If they are man sorry about how their relationships are !!! ouch, lol!!!

Answer 3

Instead of focusing on what he doesn't do (which will just continue to cause you hurt) -- focus on what he DOES do and try to build gratitude in your heart for it. Tell yourself, "This is telling me he loves me."

Also-- try and figure out how you can better communicate love to him (recommend The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands and The Five Love Languages) for ideas on this. This will help him feel more receptive.

But seriously -- if he's a good guy, focus on all the good things he does for you. He might have a background where he didn't learn all these things and I know my husband gets pretty defensive when he feels like he's letting me down. If you're pouting to him about it -- it's going tomake him feel worse about himself, not confident and motivated to do something that isn't natural to him.

And try doing the things for him that you know he would life FIRST... he will appreciate it and feel more confident that he is pleasing you and making you happy -- THAT feeling will help motivate him to try change

--note: all this is canceled if you married a true jerk.

Answer 4

It would be a better world if women trained their men how to treat them, but reality sucks! some advice from a veteran (married to the same man for 12 years), dont play to much into it. why do you need to be complimented so much? is your own self-esteem at question here? just try to tell yourself if he didn;t love you or think that your pretty then he wouldn't have married you silly. just live and be happy and try not to dwell on what he doesnt do for you b/c he might get annoyed with that and leave or find someone who doesnt except that all day. hope i made some sense out of your question. lots of luck!!!

Answer 5

You need to talk to him about it again. Ask him why he refuses to compliment you or say I love you first, and tell him that if you just knew why, you wouldn't feel so hurt when he did it. I'm sure he loves you and would like to say it first, but he's got something psychological going on. Maybe you should suggest to him that you see a marriage counselor? If you don't want to do this, just SUGGEST it to him, if he doesn't want to do it, then tell him you'd like to talk to him in the privacy of your own home about it and you won't have to drag anyone else in. Honesty is the best policy here, but sometimes, I hate to say, it hurts a little, but it will get better in the long run.

Answer 6

I agree that you need to look at the positive and the little things he does for you, but if you are on intent on getting hime to say it "first", well it might be a hard thing to do, and it might make him start wondering, but it might work, if you stop telling him for like 1 or 2 weeks, see if he comes around. Plus throw the book out the window, he is a guy, and they usually dont dig those kinda books, at least my husband would be snoring if I handed him one. Good luck!!

Answer 7

Women are emotional: I love you. Men are the fixers: Table got broke, I'll fix it!! Let's face it, men and women ARE different and it's ok. In fact it's good. We need to be different to balance each other out. My husband is not the most verbal guy, but through the years he and I have worked through some things. A couple of them being for me: I need to hear I love you more and that he really does think I'm pretty. I don't need to hear them all the time! Don't get me wrong. But it is nice to know you are appreciated and loved. A friend told me that it takes 10 years to really get settled into your marriage.... YUCK!!! I'm just on 4.... I don't know how long y'all have been married. Maybe you two just need more time to adjust. It doesn't happen over night, nor does it happen in 4 years. We are still learning about each other, our likes and dislikes. I am very verbal. I told my husband that I needed to hear those things, that they were important to me. Thankfully he listened and loves me and cares about me and my sometimes goofy, zany feelings. Remember we are female, hear us ROAR! :)

Answer 8

Has he always been this way, even before you were married? It may be the environment he grew up around...his parent's weren't affectionate and he doesn't know the profound effect it has on his partner:(

I guess there are more answers needed as to how long you have been married and the above (how long did you know him)? We may think that men will slightly change when we marry but it isn't the case...Good luck and I hope the message gets thru to him-

Answer 9

Try making more of an effort to compliment him on things. Like, "Wow, your arms look bigger, have you been working out?": Things like that. Believe it or not guys like to be complimented as well. Maybe if you make a better effort, he might like the way it feels to be complimented and in turn will make more of an effort to recriprocate. Guys really don't think about things like that, so don't get too upset about this.

Answer 10

My husband is exactly the same. I don't know what you should do. I know what I do is go out of my way to tell him I about how I think he looks good and is handsome, etc. I think you should really just tell him that it makes you feel bad, tell him what you want and what you need. Men sometimes don't see it. He probably doesnt even know at all how you feel, he probably is watching TV thinking everything is dandy. Tell him.