This was a around a month ago he moved out but they have had a relationship for a few months now. I cheated on him earlier on in our marriage (12 years ago) and he forgave me and basically wanted to try again, even though I filed for divorce then. So I stopped the paperwork. I asked him today if he was happy. I really just want him to be happy. Just as I want to be happy. He said he doesn't know if he will ever be happy. (He is around midlife crisis age and had a near death experience earlier this summer.)
I have been working out more, eating better and such. My body is getting into shape and I have lost 10 of the 15-20 pounds I needed to lose. I caught him checking me out a few times recently.
We had an interesting conversation today where he expressed concern for me and how I am handling things.
Now, he wants to have sex with me. He talked about getting "excited" while we were talking. Talked about how we weren't divorced yet. Could he stop by this week and *ahem* with me.
WWYD
2007-07-23 16:41:09 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way, I have not been with nor am I dating anyone.
2007-07-23 16:43:12 · update #1
Sounds like the 2 of you belong together.
2007-07-23 17:00:51 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs. Goddess 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You two have a bond, a history. The new girl looked better on paper during the affair than she does now that he is with her and they are learning each other's annoying habits.
On top of all that, you have added new life to your body and personality. And, you are proving you can live without him when he would rather think of you pining away for him forever.
So, now he's attracted to you again and feeling nostalgic.
What you decide to do with that is your business, but I would not sleep with him and keep reminding myself that an ex is an ex for a reason and that he cheated and left for another woman. Then I would remind myself that I an an attractive, vital and intelligent older woman who could find a better partner.
My ex tried the same thing. On the way to the courthouse for the divorce to be granted, no less! I laughed all the way to the parking structure, told him he was crazy and happily got my divorce granted.
2007-07-23 16:49:29 · answer #2 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him yes.....if he means to come home for good because you will not be used! This means marriage counseling and a doctors appointment to be sure there are no STD'S. Tell him you are willing to work on the marriage if this is what he means and only if it makes him happy to be with you again. You have to take care of your own emotions here and he has to make a choice one way or the other. He has to cut off all connections with this other woman because he cannot have his cake and eat it to. Tell him he has given you no other choice but to handle it and eventually you have to move on in your life because you will never share him. I understand how hard this is for you but you deserve to be loved by someone that wants to be with you. Do not let him bring up your past mistake because two wrongs don't make a right. The only way I would let him near me at this point is that he work on himself with me in the marriage and with proffessional help. The marriage has to either get better with a new committment from each other or come to it's final end. You have every right that he respect you and if he can't you have every right to find someone new that can. Best wishes to you and I hope things work out for you.
2007-07-23 17:38:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your still married to him. What you need to think about is, if you still love him, and he still loves you. There could be 'something' that is blocking the way you both really feel about each other. You have to think about how it will be once you are divorced. I am talking from experience about the divorce and feelings still after the papers were filed. But feelings shouldn't be tossed around like a ball and if your going to be married, and have a relationship, including having sex...there should be a mutual bond!
2007-07-23 16:48:45 · answer #4 · answered by SDC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I aplaud you for loosing weight and other things to that will help you physically and mentally. But dont give into him too soon. You must make him want you as he did those many years ago. I have allways wondered why women allways try to look their best until they get married and then they slowly start to fade. I think a spouse should try and look their best at all times. at least do it for yourself. It will make you feel good about yourself , it will show , and someone going to want you thats for sure . I know you want him back but keep up the good work and see don't those conversations continue.Again do not give in too soon
2007-07-23 17:20:04 · answer #5 · answered by rwcsublime 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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Many girls break up with their significant others, is because they need time to figure things out. Don't take it personally, if you want her back, you have to show her you can help her. If you love her then you'll let her go, that's it. Not everybody who you date in high school you end up staying with, the chances are extremely unlikely. So if she doesn't want to, then you need to let her go.
2014-10-22 16:55:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl one word DON"T it is clear he is just trying to use you besides you need to ask yourself sincerly is this a situation you want to be in for the rest of your life? If you love him absolutely and do not want to live without him he has to earn your trust back he has to go for some serious counselling with you,and cut off this other person before he can even "dream" of being intimate with you. You can't keep being sucked into his confused state right now.cheers
2007-07-23 17:01:01 · answer #7 · answered by Versacetica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is just testing the waters and using the still married thing because he knows that if he keeps asking He will have his cake and eat it too.
I would not give in you are looking great and he knows it so keep looking better and don't give in. He is the one missing out.
By the way I was fat and then I lost weight, got a separation so I know where he is coming from on the looks thing. I didn't give in though.
2007-07-23 16:45:59 · answer #8 · answered by RedWolf7374 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A similar thing happened to me. He left I started losing weight and having a lot of energy. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. He dumped her and we stayed together. We are working it out. It was an isolated issue in our marriage. Very difficult though.
2007-07-23 16:46:43 · answer #9 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
After reading some of your answers to other questions I believe that you are more than capable of handling this one yourself. What you need to do is PRAY and ask God for guidance on this one. You know what his word says, now you just need to live by it Move in faith and obedience not by emotion and lust.
Be blessed!
2007-07-24 02:00:15 · answer #10 · answered by North Carolina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋