I believe my husband is mentally and emotionally abusive to me. He does so many things to mess with my mind and self esteem that I am no longer myself anymore. I am very withdrawn. In a typical argument..he will say things to really get me going..and in the heat of things..he will just stop and say in the calmest voice.."Why are you yelling?", "listen to yourself" "are you crazy?" ..when he had been screaming at me just seconds before!? He does this often. He always wants me to feel stupid and belittle me. Once he even got in my face with his finger directly on the tip of my nose, when I reached with force and pushed his hand away..he grabbed my arm and said I deserved it because I grabbed him first. He is always trying to push me over the edge and out of nowhere make me feel stupid or crazy! He has me questioning my own sanity here! I KNOW I am not crazy..and I just believe he may be. He has me going nuts with this Jackal Hyde personality!
2007-07-23 16:33:00 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's called passive-aggressive behavior and believe it or not, it's very serious. He will be like this forever, because he's been like this for ever. He will never change and you will lose your freakin mind because that is his goal. His orgasmic pleasure isn't in sex, it's in twisting your brain.
Please read the archives - it'll make your head spin:
www.homestead dot passiveaggressive dot com
www.homestead.passiveaggressive.com
Also read: "Living with the Passive Aggressive Man". Its free at the library.
2007-07-23 16:43:14 · answer #1 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Abusive people use the same techniques as people who brainwash to make their victims feel helpless, weak, and ignorant. That is how they control them. It sounds as if your relationship is in the beginning stages of abuse. It usually starts with verbal abuse and a little physical abuse( the pointing the finger in your face) it will get more physical as time goes on. You are a stronger person than you think...you have endured a lot and still realize that your beliefs and feelings are right. You are not allowing him to take your self esteem and that is very important. You know what you need to do in order to be happy. It's your choice and believe me your family and friends will be more than willing to help....you may not think so but, there are many people out there that want you to live a happy and healthy life.
2007-07-23 16:58:57 · answer #2 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can I ever identify w/you. Know just how you feel! BUT, think about it & do you by any chance think he's actually talking about himself?! Above all, don't ALLOW his actions control you. I found this is exactly what I'm living w/too, so I know how you're feeling. I did do some soul searching & found there is NOTHING wrong w/me. After listing to it time & time again, I actually figured out he's talking about himself. He is the weak one, he is the one w/the insecurities, but tries to turn it around & put it back on me. What I do now I learned in Alanon...When he starts these rants & raves, I calmly say to myself, "oh you're just talking about yourself again". I then hold up an imaginary mirrow in front of my face & let him just talk away at himself. See if you can figure this out, see if maybe it w/work for you & be of help. You really should get councelling, I know I can't, but do the best w/the tools I have on my own. This has helped me greately. As long as the relationship doesn't turn to physical abuse. IF it does, don't wait around, it won't get better w/o help. Best of luck to you.
2007-07-23 16:46:16 · answer #3 · answered by Sue C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I m dealing with the same thing , but I m thinking that weve been together for 23 years and I think that men don t always realize what theyre saying, and how its effecting you, I think they do love us or they wouldn t be there... I just think men are like children and want to be taken care of and loved and respected, and so do we, but we are different about it and I think it comes down to communication... we went to counseling about 13 years ago and the key was our communication, we had to repeat everything back to each other tht was said and sometimes it doesn t sound the same, or you hear it differently, and it makes you really think about what your saying the next time. But its been a long time and weve had new experiences, and things to argue about and have forgotten about respecting each other... I m thinking about getting help again , or just sitting down with some workbooks, truelly I believe if they love you they will do it... I went to counseling for 2 weeks by myself last time, before he started going, but once he saw I was serious, he showed up.. I wish you the best of luck... I know we all wonder if the grass is greener on the other side, and I have single friends that are missing having a man, and some that are just fine without one, if you can get him to treat you the way that you deserve, and visa versa, I mean I don t like to mistreat him either, he makes me lol! we all just want to be loved, I think its worth trying everything before you walk away first!!
2015-08-31 04:54:11 · answer #4 · answered by Tammy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My soon to be ex husband was the exact same way. Only he pushed it even further by threatening CPS every time I even mentioned any type of break or cool off period. Everything wrong with his life was everyone else's fault, things that had nothing to do with me were my fault, he criticized my parenting skills("she's too hyper, you better calm her down because if she goes to school like this and you don't medicate her, CPS will take her"- referring to our 3 yr old daughter), because I got into a fight with him over him using a belt on our daughter (he threatened her with it for not eating her dinner) he proceeded to call me "one of those liberal idiots", I was "stupid", "crazy"...tried to convince me that I had an eating disorder because he thought I was "too skinny" (I'm 5'5" and at that time weighed 150 lbs)...It is all about controlling you. I got fed up and when he went to work, I packed up as much as I could and me and our daughter caught a plane from the east coast to the west coast. Get out while you can. You are not crazy, he only wants you to think that to ensure he has complete unquestioned control over you. Divorce him. That's what I am doing. Get out before it is too late.
2007-07-23 16:55:56 · answer #5 · answered by Ghost Writer 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
amy- you sound intelligent . you know that he is trying to break you down in order to control you. and, as someone else mentioned, it will never get better. you must teach yourself to stop falling into his traps. he knows your trigger points,he knows the buttons to push,and then he has you off and running. you must mentally protect yourself while you decide how to best divorce yourself from this man. dont let him get you wound up. separate yourself from things that cause you to argue. just dont argue at all. i had a man that was like that to me, and while i figured out how to break away, the words "WHATEVER" became almost my catch-phrase when dealing with him. i just wouldnt argue, and he probably thought HE was going crazy ,because i just pre-occupied my mind with watching his stupid, cruel behavior ,instead of falling into his traps. i stopped reacting to his words. they didnt have the same affect on me. you will do well to consider protecting your mind in your own way. best wishes
2007-07-23 17:29:08 · answer #6 · answered by DEBI M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that kind of abuse is bad for your health and you need to GET OUT NOW!!!i know you love him but do you love you?ask yourself that question.this relationship you have with your husband is very dangerous.because this is where it starts,first its mental,emotional and then physical.and the arm grabbing is the first step.walk out hon or one or both of you will be carried out.i hope there are no kids involved.
2007-07-23 16:49:31 · answer #7 · answered by cyrontae1110 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Amy, You are not going crazy!! I think your getting smarter and your husband is saying these things because he knows your standing up for yourself and he doesn't like it. I would just stop speaking to him and get your life together.
2007-07-23 16:42:08 · answer #8 · answered by anglemoma 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sometimes when people get angry over something they can hurt other peoples feelings. have you talked to him about it? are you happy with him; if he continues I think it would be best to set your seperate ways because it sounds that he might not be happy either. life is short and you only live it once, so if you feel like this you should go your own way. good luck
2007-07-23 16:57:24 · answer #9 · answered by cindy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds pretty wacked to me...an abusive control freak.
2007-07-23 16:36:44 · answer #10 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋