He's 15. He has a strict and domineering family upbringing. Really low self esteem. And has tried real hard to get it up for women with moderate results. He wants me to help him be more of a man, meeting chicks, doing guy type of things since he doesn't get out much.
2007-07-23 14:31:54 · 12 answers · asked by WonderChild 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Hi,
I was born gay. I hated myself for years (low self-esteem). Trying to change my sexual nature. Most of my problems stemmed from the church who "taught" me that God hated gays and the Bible condemned them.
Finally, in my 20's, I realized that my straight friends looked at certain girls and felt an inane attraction to them. I looked at certain guys, and felt the same type of attraction. Then, I knew I was "gay".
Still very hard to handle, esteem wise.
One thing of importance to me came from the new testament of the Bible. Maybe it will help your friend, who has obviously not "chosen" to be homosexual.
A man named Jesus (in Matthew) says, "Some are BORN Eunuchs, some are made Eunuchs by man, and some are Eunuchs in devotion to the Father."
The term "Eunuch" comes from the Greek meaning, "a male who is castrated after birth". However, words change in dialect and especially in the use of "slang".
Some can be made Eunuchs by man, having their genitals removed as happened in the ancient days.
Priests, Rabbis, etc. do not cut off their genitals in devotion to God.
No man can be born with his genitals already cut off after birth.
Hence, the term Eunuch as Jesus uses it, came to mean "one who does not reproduce".
You See?
This will still not be so easy for your friend but may be helpful to him.
Also, aside from scientific studies, anyone who spent much time on a large farm or ranch, knows that animals also have homosexual behavior. That it is not unnatural.
I would, in conclusion, tell your friend to be careful out there.
Sex can be addictive and can be but is not always a physical manifestation of Love. And when people seek sex they are actually seeking "acceptance" from another person. "Acceptance" is the base of ALL Love.
The instant gratification of sex becomes confused with "Love" and hence, it's addictive quality.
Tell your friend to learn to "accept" himself for who he is and hopefully, you will be able to tell him that you also will accept him for who he is.
IF he is not gay but is straight, neither should be 'forced' but be allowed to mature naturally.
Loveya,
Dak
2007-07-23 15:42:59 · answer #1 · answered by dak_12345 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's had moderate results with women, then what makes him think he was not born bisexual rather than gay?
We are who we are and God creates us as we are. We can't change that. Tell your friend that all major mental health organizations say that it's not possible to change sexual orientation. Tell him to check out these websites for further information on why changing sexual orientation does not work: truthwinsout.org and exexgay.com.
However, the guy is only 15 and he's still developing. Some people know who they are at 15 and some do not. Since he's probably bisexual, the issue is not "changing" from gay to straight anyway. When he is ready to date and his parents allow him to date, tell him to date women and men. By date, I don't mean jump in bed with every time. I mean date as in go out with, do things, have fun, get to know one another. See whom he falls in love with. If it's a woman, great/if it's a man, great. He needs to stop worrying about being gay as if it's something bad and slow down and see who he really is.
2007-07-23 15:09:58 · answer #2 · answered by Michael B - Prop. 8 Repealed! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a lot of trouble with the concept of "born gay" as well as the concept of "gay by environment". I personally know (not in the biblical sense) a set of identical twins where one is straight as an arrow and the other is "flaming" gay. I would honor his wishes and see what you can do to set him "straight" (pun intended). If he is waffling, this can allow him to make a choice as to which path to follow. If he truly is gay, he will quickly realize that. Either way, you will have honored a friend's wish and will have helped him to find HIS way.
2007-07-23 14:47:56 · answer #3 · answered by MICHAEL R 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
disregard the response of Thomas S. It is against federal law for any doctor to consider any type of sexuality a mental disorder. It is on federal record. Any doctor, mental or otherwise, who determines sexuality as a mental disorder will be disbarred. It is federal law and in public law. Sexuality has not been determined as a mental problem or otherwise. IT IS A FEDERAL LAW! This has been determined in 1973, many years ago!!!
2007-07-23 17:51:13 · answer #4 · answered by johnny_on_the_spot 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh please tell him to talk to the school counselor. They are not going to talk to his parents without his consent unless he is threatening to harm himself or another. He needs someone to talk to as soon as possible to prevent it from going that far. The issue is less about whether one is born gay or not, it is about learning to deal with who he is right now. Figuring out if he was born this way or can choose not to be can wait.
Forcing himself to have sex with women to prove that he isn't gay is not healthy, not for him and not for the women he's using, and his failures to perform to his expectations are only going to reinforce his belief he is gay instead the obvious fact that who WOULD be able to get it up if they are being forced?
2007-07-23 14:49:06 · answer #5 · answered by C J 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Refer him to a mainstream psychiatrist. Reparative therapies to "change" sexual orientation are not scientifically proven to be effective, and can in fact be harmful, but luckily most psychiatrists discarded such therapies a long time ago. A few still do it, so it's important to avoid such doctors.
2007-07-23 14:40:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There isn't much you can do to help someone who deny his own sexuality (AKA lie to himself), lying to himself is the worst a man can do.
Tell him to wake up and be a real man (Gay or Straight).
2007-07-23 14:50:23 · answer #7 · answered by Bounce Up 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Focus on helping him believe in himself -- and stress the idea that you do believe gays are born not made -- and that he is your friend and you love him as you know him to be.
As you build him up you will help him to escape the trap they've put him in.
My light enfold him.
Kind thoughts,
Reyn
believeinyou24@yahoo.com
2007-07-23 16:39:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Trying to convince him he's straight will only prolong is inevitable realization that he's gay. He should learn to accept it and be happy.
2007-07-23 15:29:02 · answer #9 · answered by Antonio 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your time would be better spent trying to convice him ther is nothing wrong with being gay.
2007-07-23 14:38:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋