30 and feeling totally ugly and unattractive?

Question

I dont consider myself an ugly person, but my husband doesn't seem to love me anymore :( I dont use makeup, or wear dresses, or shave, I weight 105 pounds 5feet 2inches, after three kids (one from him) what should I do, he hates me :(

He says he hates unnatural women, he says I dont need makeup, or to shave, or to look glamourous at all. But his behaviour says otherwise. I used to do all of that before and he said it was unnecessary then I became pregnant and have a 1 year old baby. The marriage is basically ruined, will looking prettier help? PLEASE HELP!!!

Answer 1

I'm sorry you're feeling this way right now. Perhaps you should talk to your husband one-on-one on how you feel and how you think his actions speak louder than his words.

You also have to consider: what are the signs that make you think he hates you? Because honestly, hate is such a strong word. Did he flat out tell you he hates you or ever has commented on how you look? Tell him EXACTLY how you feel and tell him that after having three kids and caring for the full family has taken toll in your life...he needs to show that he cares for you and loves you .

Another thing I could consider is...set a day aside during the weekend, just for you and your hubby. Call in a baby sitter for the day. Take some time one afternoon to get your hair styled a little differently (it will give you an instant change in your appearance)...you can wear makeup but very lightly so your skin will glow but no one will be able to tell that you're wearing makeup. You can cook your hubby his favorite meal over candlelight and soft music. Wear something nice (it doesn't necessarily have to be a dress). Try to rekindle the romance you two once shared. Or, even go out an evening...go see a broadway show or to an elegant restaurant. If after all of this occurs and you still feel there is some distance between the two of you, then both of you really need to sit down and discuss the matter at hand.

Lastly, do understand that you're 30 now, which is an age where many woman go through some sort of depression (there are statistics on this). Meaning, they feel that they're not as protected and sheltered as they were in high school and not as free, sexy and adventurous as they were in their 20's. So, it can also be that you're going through some type of depression in your life where you just need support and the attention that you once had when you were younger (in this case, from your hubby).

Just remember, communication is key in any good relationship so tell your hubby how you're feeling.

Good luck! : )

Answer 2

well i wouldnt be attracted to anyone with someone elses kids either. Now that he has one with you, he is more resentful of the other kids because hid kid now has to share everything with the other two that aren't even your husband's. It is your husbands fault for marrying you, not yours, but this is something you both should have considered before getting married. It rarely if ever works otu well. Even if it does last there will always be resentment. You will spend many nights crying, he will probabyl spend more time otu with the guys or sitting on the couch. There is no solution to this, and I am sorry. You asked the question on here and I am sure you wanted solutions and did not expect this harsh an answer. I only give the truth, the straight truth. You need a hug, not only from what your hubby has done to you, but from this answer, hopefully you have some good friends because they are what will get you through this. I wish you the best of luck and I truly wish you could have had a better situation.

Answer 3

Do what makes you feel happy. If you want a little bit of makeup on and some perfume then use them. If you feel like you need to shave then do it. Your husband sounds like a pigheaded man. He is verbally and mentally abusing you. That's worse then being physically abused. You need to make a "glamour" day for you. Go get your hair and nails done or even a pedicure. Feel pretty for yourself not for your husband. Like for myself, I am an obese woman. I know I need to lose weight. I know my b/f would be so excited if I lost alot of weight but it isn't up to him.. This is my body!! I will do what I want when I want. You should feel the same. Granted I know your married to him but it is all the same thing. No one can run your life! Only you!! I think if you maintenance yourself aittle bit, you would feel a whole hell of alot better. Don't let your husband rule you. You have your kids that need you SO get it together and enjoy life. Good luck darling

Answer 4

at the very least, you two need counseling. You also need better communication. After 24 years of marriage, I don't know everything, but I do know how important it is to be able to talk to each other, and express you own opinions. As for looking prettier, if you like wearing some make up, wear it. It isn't a dictatorship, it's a marriage, you are supposed to be equals. Try some light makeup at first, don't draw attention to it, let him notice, if he even does. If he does, and says something, make a light comment like " yes, I thought I'd try something different and I like the way it brings out my eyes, don't you think so?" or something like that.

Answer 5

Do things to make yourself feel sexy and he will notice. Luckily there are different lines of make up which carry sheer coverage foundations and powders. These will keep you from looking like you are wearing too much make up. Natural shades will look nicer than doing nothing at all. Wear lip gloss and show off some sexy lips. Also go and get a new look for yourself. Even something like getting your hair cut or buying a new blouse will make you feel better about yourself. By the way, shave your legs if you want to shave your legs. I bet if you show up in front of your husband with a nice pair of smooth legs, he'll think twice about it.

Answer 6

Start taking care of yourself. You will have a better outlook on yourself if you do shave and wear makeup. Go and have your hair cut. Look nice for yourself. Having kids is stressful to a marriage. I don't know if this is your case or not but I have known people whose husbands encouraged them to let themselves go so they could feel in control. Give the wife low self esteem and tell her she is no good to have an upper hand. Don't worry about him. Do what it takes to make yourself feel worthy and then work on your relationship.

Answer 7

The only thing you may need to change is your attitude. You seem to lack confidence. I know it's hard, but find your inner confidence. Confidence is very sexy in a person. If you think you're unattractive, it's only natural he'll pick up on your vibes. So, you go and do your thing. If a little make-up and shaving will make you feel better about yourself, then go for it! I say take a day a pamper yourself...new hairdo, manicure, pedicure...the whole she-bang.

If the romance is lacking, then perhaps he could be feeling low about himself. Is he about the same age? He could be in a mid life crisis and be lacking confidence too. Instead of focusing on the negative things about one another, think back to what initially attracted you two to one another, and amplify those feelings today. Good luck!

Answer 8

Don't let him tell you what to do with your body! I know he is your husband and you want him to feel about you and your appearance...but I think he doesn't' want you to shave or wear makeup because he's controlling you. If you feel better with the way you used to dress...then go ahead and dress yourself up. And if he doesn't show a change in his attitude then move on...you deserve better, someone that will appreciate you.

Answer 9

well, you can trick him into thinking you're naturally getting prettier ; )


put on brown mascara (not too thick, no clumps and dont curl your lashes) and he will notice a subtle change that he can't put his finger on...

dont put on blush, but cover up reddish spots or pimples with cover up and blend well

put on some clear lip gloss that isnt too shiny

wear a cute sundress from a store like forever21 and shave!!! if he asks about the shaving and dress, tell him you want to shave because its summer and your showing lots of skin and you're wearing the dress to show off your tan? : )

hehe good luck

Answer 10

Somebody one day said that is not a ugly women only not well fixed women. When you want to make a change in your person you have to do it to yourself and nobody else. Of course you have to shave yourself and be clean. You can try a makup cover and see what happen.