I am so full of rage, please help.?

Question

My boyfriend of 6 years who has lived with me and helped raise my children like his own has moved out a month ago and left me for another female. This has been extremely hard on my children and I while he seems to have adjusted well to his new life. I have been trying to get him to get his stuff out of here and he has moved out most of it but seems to be dragging his feet. He seems to be to busy with work to move out but has the time for her. If he has the time to be with her, he has the time to move out. This is not my problem though. I try to move on with my life and do okay at times, but when I see him it's all raw, fresh again and he hurts me all over again. I try to stay away from him when he comes but doesn't always work. He just told me that she is "very attractive" along with other things. I need to move on but don't know how. What I am concerned about is the rage I have, it scares me because I never have felt like this before, it is all directed at him. I need peace

Answer 1

Pack his stuff up, drop it off at his new house and go back home and change the locks, after that there is no reason to have anything to do with him anymore.

Answer 2

That is so sad. He is a jerk but I guess you already figured that out, too bad it took 6 years of your life. That is probably what you are the most angry about. The only thing I can tell you is just focus on your kids they are hurting too and it sounds like you know that already. Don't spoil them though and don't act like they are the center of your life cause that would not be healthy for them either. But maybe you can find some things to do for the rest of the summer with them that will make it memorable in a good way. He will most likely do this to his new girlfriend at some point too so even though it is too soon to forgive him I would not act like I cared one little bit. What a jerk. Also, I would not wait for him to get the rest of his things out until he feels like it. I think you should tell him he has until Friday to get the rest of his things and if he hasn't retrieved them by then then he forfeits anything that is left. It's bad enough that he did this to you but extremely selfish of him to act like you'll be there waiting on him to show up. I think the anger you are feeling is perfectly normal and will subside with time. Can you take your kids on a little vacation to get away from it all for even a week? You could have alot of fun and it would give you all something else to focus on for awhile and then when you get back it may become much easier.

Answer 3

You need to get his stuff out of there NOW!!!! Pay the money put it in a storage unit and mail him the key with a note to leave you alone now. If you just throw it out you would have to deal with him. It would be worth the 50-100 dollars. This should remove him physically.
Next you need to get a counselor and go and vent your rage and hurt and disappointment. If you don't it could be turned on the wrong people. Your kids need a strong mom. They are hurting too. You might get them a therapist too so they can work out feelings.
Take that rage and do something productive with it. Take up running or karate. For instant relief of rage I have a trick my son and I did when his biological father left us.
We went on a hike in the woods and then we yelled at the top of our lungs how we felt. It felt good to get it out and yelling trees is not very harmful. We had a good cry afterward and were ready to move on. Sometimes when I have a bad day I go in the backyard and yell at my oak. My neighbors might think I am crazy, but I feel better so who cares?
Good luck

Answer 4

It's no easy tribulation in life to get over someone we loved. If he's dragging his feet about the whole moving out thing, then you need to set an ultimatum. You guys are no longer together, so don't let him dictate your life like he is. Put all of his things in boxes and set it outside. You let him know that his stuff is outside and if he doesn't get it, then someone walking by might. I know it's hard, but you've got to be firm. Don't let him push you down anymore.

Sorry to hear about what happened. Everything happens for a reason. I'm sure there's someone out there for you. Hope it all works out.

Answer 5

In time things will settle down. You are mourning this relationship which is perfectly normal. I would give it some time. You will eventually get over him. In the mean time I would tell him that he has two weeks to get his stuff out and if he doesn't then it'll be on the sidewalk. He is dragging his feet b/c he knows you still care. When he does come try to compose yourself and be scarce. He probably is trying to keep you on the back burner b/c if something happens to the new he still has his foot in your house. Don't allow him to talk about her, act like you don't care. The more you know the worse it will be for you and your heart. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY...DON'T LET HIM BACK IN ONCE HE'S GONE. IF HE'LL DO IT ONCE W/O REGARD FOR YOU AND THE KIDS, HE'LL DO IT AGAIN! Good luck sweety.

Answer 6

You have to get him out of your life, plain and simple. Maybe someday you will be able to face him with indifference, but not now. Tell him to get his stuff out of your house and give him a deadline. If he doesn't come for it, pay someone to haul it to the dump. I'm sure you will feel better in time... most people do - moving on is something everyone has had to do at one time or another. But you do need "time off" from him. Good luck.

P.S. Looking at the previous response, I remembered that I did write a letter to my now-ex-husband telling him how hurt and how angry I was at him for lying to me and then leaving me out of the blue. But old wounds heal... I'm re-married now, and all my anger and pain seem like a distant dream.

Answer 7

Chuck all his remaining stuff out of the house and onto the street. Change the locks on your doors. Call him and tell him if he wants his stuff he better come get it before everyone else in the neighborhood gets it. Forget him and be satisfied with your little revenge. Maybe that will subside some of the rage and let you move on.

Answer 8

Italian Momma, please allow yourself some time to grieve the loss of this relationship. Like all losses we all go through different stages and anger/rage is one of them. Eventually these feeling will subside and hopefully someday when your ready you will find someone else to share your life with who will treat you with the respect that we all deserve and crave. It's sad for you and the kids to lose someone that has been in your lifes for 6 years, but if he cheated on you your probably better off without him in your life. Karma has a powerfull way of balancing things out and sooner or later it will come back to haunt him and then you may indeed get the last laugh. So if you continue to have these feelings of rage then it may be necessary to seek the help of a relationship expert but I think these feelings will subside themselves over time. As for him not removing his stuff give him an end date to have his stuff out or tell him you'll be calling GoodWill or the Salvation Army to donate these items to them. Best of luck in any future relationships you may have and may you find happiness and loyalty in it.

Answer 9

Set his stuff out for the trash. Get every memory of you and him together out of the house. Box up the things you want the kids to have when they get older, and put them in storage. The only reason he hasn't found the "time" to move out, is because he wants to keep one foot in the door. It sounds like it is working. DO NOT TALK TO HIM FOR ANY REASON! Do not answer the phone when he calls, and don't return his calls! And if you don't want to set his stuff out for the trash, call his new found "love" and ask her when he can find the "time" to get his stuff out. Tell her you think he's leaving his stuff at your house because he's coming back! TRUST ME, she'll make sure he gets it! But, I like the trash idea better!

Answer 10

act your rage out. call his boss and ask him if your ex is really so busy that he cannot move out. nobody likes his boss involved in that kind of stuff, so it will bring his attention to the problem. call his new woman and tell her everything you think about her. come visit her and scratch her face. when you see him, don't try to stay away from him, try to stay in his face. he hurts you, so you should hurt him, don't hide your rage, bring it up, scare him. when he tells you next time things like "she is very attractive", just slap him, spit in his face, throw hot coffee on his white shirt, do something so that he won't dare to talk like that again. he wants to hurt you, so he deserves to feel some pain too. you'll feel much better after hurting him, and you'll get your peace faster. don't try to act noble, act as a savage, as a wild injured animal, explore your limits. especially if you never felt like that before, use this as an opportunity to know yourself better, to look into dark side of your soul and find out, just how much hatred is there. don't just throw out his stuff, break it in front of him, abuse it, make it useless, hurt him through his things. what is important for you is to move on with your life, and for that you need to have a real closure, to hurt him real bad and to make his life without you miserable. hurt him at his work, hurt him through his new woman, hurt him through his things, hurt him directly and call the police immediately if he dares to fight back. as a woman, you always can be seen as a victim, there are so many ways how you may hurt a guy, just use some of them.

Answer 11

You have to move on for your own sanity and for your kids. Holding resentment and holding on to the anger will prevent you from moving on. Yes he is a low life for leaving you like he did. Give him 30 days to get his stuff or start selling it on eBay. Or give it all to Goodwill.