I think my husband is having an affair?

Question

Tell me what you think:
Yesterday my husband went to the gym to play basketball, which he normally does every now and then. The problem is he was there for 4 hours. Now I used to play ball myself in high school and a little in college, there is no way to play for 4 hours. I have just distanced myself from him. I haven't brought it up but he keeps asking me," are you mad at me, is it because I was at the gym so long?" It's like he knows I am upset but he won't give me an explanation to why he thinks I am mad. As I said I have just distanced myself from him, not really talking to him because I do not want to engage in confrontation just yet. I really just don't want to deal with him or the issue right now, too much else going on, school, work, the kids. Also before he went to the gym we had sex and he seemed like he wasn't really there. So am I trippin or does it sound like he was not really playin ball at the gym.

Answer 1

If this is the only thing you have noticed lately, don't jump to conclusions just yet. Give it some time and watch him carefully. If he is cheating on you, you will be able to tell....BUT don't let him know that you suspect him of anything.

Keep your mouth closed and your eyes and ears open. Give him just enough rope to hang himself. If he is cheating, you will find out...all women do.

Answer 2

I can only suggest that you bring the issue up as soon as possible. I do not know if you are an aggressive person or not, but it seems to me you are falling into a very common pattern:
You're mad and distant, he asks you about your attitude knowing something is bothering you but won't get a straight answer which only alienates him more and the more distant he is the worst you will feel and so on and so forth. ¿catch my drift?

Common sense tells us that any problem is like a snowball. If unattended it will grow. And maybe something that can easily be fixed now could end up really messy hurting everyone (specially the little ones).

Further more, bringing the issue up does not have to be a confrontational event, contrary to what TV and Cinema always exploit, conflict is not the only way to solve problems. Dialog and plain communication (as in making things commun) facilitate a state of sharing between people.
So take control of your life, go to your husband look him in the eye and honestly tell him what's in your heart. I do not know what will happen next, but at least you will not have to live with the uncertainty or, something which is worst, the regret of having this opportunity and just letting it pass.

I once heard a saying which I have followed for quite many years now and it has proven true over and over. "I prefer to be punished for something I did rather than for something I could have done but did not."

I truly hope you both find the best way out of this situation. Which ever way that happens to be I hope you do it with respect and empathy.

Answer 3

I think the longer you hold it in the harder it will be and teh more potentially explosive things could be when the issue comes up.

You should communicate with him about anything and everything. He should to. Just casually ask him why he played for so long. See what he says. See if it feels plausible to you...in your heart.

If you think he's telling you the truth then you can accept that. If you don't, then you have to (unfortunately) start keeping watch of what he's doing and take things one step at a time. I sure hope this isn't the case.

I know when I go to the gym, I can be there for a couple/three hours at least sometimes, but then...I'm alone and I don't have anyone at home to be with when I go home. I could stay out all night if I wanted to, but I'd rather have someone to come home to.

Just don't keep it bottled up inside for too long....ok? You need to stay focused and keep your composure. The last thing you want is to have something questionable, but innocent set you off. That's not fair to you or him.

Good luck, I hope it's nothing and hope everything's ok.

Answer 4

Do you have any other basis (aside from lukewarm sex and 4 hours at the gym) to suspect that he's having an affair? To me, you need more signs. For all you know, he had problems of his own that he couldn't tell you just yet.
But regardless of whether there's someone else, the two of you have to talk about yourselves as a couple (other than being parents). You need to keep the spark going, be able to trust and have time for each other. When other things get in the way of your love, reach out again and open the lines of communication with loving touch.

Answer 5

Well, well, well. Does this happen more than not? Do you like to make him guess when something is on your mind? This is wrong playing games could be why you think he is cheating in the first place. Get rid of your anger first, then engage him in his life with a real conversation because you really do care about him. People can always tell a fake from the real thing. Besides something is really on his mind if he is distant and you are also being distant. I can't help but to go back to the games in communication you two are playing with each other. You both need to learn how to listen, then talk with each other. Counselling my be good for you to. Work at it so you don't keep making the same mistakes.

Answer 6

Not really enough there to suspect an affair. Either there's more that you're not telling, or you're seriously jumping to conclusions here.

Sure, maybe he wasn't playing basketball for 4 hours, maybe he and the guys got to talking, or went out for a beer after the game. Being at the gym for 4 hours once is not enough to justify distancing yourself. If that's all there is to it, your husband is probably confused as hell and doesn't know what to do.

If there's more to this little story, then only you can decide what's going on.

Answer 7

Is he a horn dog , you know trying to get laid all the time ? If not I would say no hes not cheating , cuz he slept with you before he left . A man wouldnt do that , especcially your husband . They hump the women they love then go hit the babysitter 10 mins later . He probably was playing ball , and b.s.ing with his friends . Now if hes playing ball every day for four hours , Id be worried . I think you might be over reacting a little . If you cant trust him , maybe thats a sign you dont love him so much anymore.

Answer 8

Is this the only thing that he has ever done? If this was a pattern I might be suspicious. But, one time is not really that big a deal. Just simply ask him where he was. Maybe he sat around talking to some guys the whole time.

But, if you feel like something is astray then go with you gut.

But, if I were him and someone jumped to the conclusion it was that just because I was out for 4 hours I would be offended and feel controlled. You run a tight ship.

Answer 9

Ok...the only reason why you think he is having an affair is because he was at the gym for 4 hours???? Can you say Control Freak???? Come on girl!!! Give him a break. At least he wasn't at a bar. Isn't he an adult??? My husband and I have a rules in our marriage.........

1) We never use the word "can't" in our relationship....My girlfriends always say "I can't believe your husband let's you go out and party with the girls and doesn't yell at you when you get home late" I'm a big girl....he's a big guy. IT'S ABOUT TRUST.

2) Never give eachother the cold shoulder. If you have a beef with me, tell me! Let's yell, scream, have it out! (not in front of the kids of course) But don't POUT!!! It's childish! Which is what you're doing by the way!!!

3) You fu*k around on me, I'm gone....end of story!!!

That's it....those three little rules. 12 YEARS AND GOING STRONG!!!!

And to answer the sex question.....sounds like the only reason why he had sex with you before he left, was so you couldn't accuse him of having sex with someone else while he was out! That may be why he wasn't into it. Sounds like you need to grow up, because your man can't win for losing!

Answer 10

Dont jump to conclusion so quick. Are you sure he wasnt there just playing basketball, working out, or playing around with friends. Most men just loose track of time. He brought up the issue so you should just go ahead and discuss it so your worries and anger can go away. If he was cheating maybe he wanted to tell you but avoiding him and the issue is just going to make the situation worse and prolong the problem that can easily be ended right away. Its a marriage, you guys should be able to chat even about the bad things

Answer 11

One incident like that, on my opinion, in not enough to suspect your husband. Perhaps he was just having a beer with his pals after the game. Pay attention to his behavior and see if there are any other signs of cheating.

Also, just ask him what took him so long and see if he'll give you a direct answer or not. It's better than being the way you are, because it's causing conflict over something that you don't even know it's there.