Married 7 years. Lots of trust issue. 2 children. Love is there, he is a sex addict. It has turned me off so much that sex is almost non existant to me anymore. He walks,talks, breathes sex. He has issues with anger,porn,denial, fondling himself and myself,it seems as if everything is about sex. He seems dirty to me. I hate myself for thinking that about my own husband and father of my kids. I feel as if we would have a good marriage if he would contribute. He says he does,but he can only back it up with financially. I must say he is a great father to our children, but could stand to help out a tad more. I try to tell him I do love him and explain to him what's going on, he blows me off by saying "yeah right". He has messed up several times and I have major trust issues because of this. He plays the victim by saying "well, it hurts that you don't trust me"..and then blows up when I explain why. What's wrong? He seems manipulative. He turns everything around on me. I'm sick of it!
2007-07-23 11:46:31 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like you guys are both frustrated, to say the least. In any marriage in which there wasn't a problem with sex addiction, then I would say to make a point to get him off once in awhile just to keep him contented, and then you could work on the larger issues as well. However, if he is truly an addict, he would need to get professional help in order for the two of you to move forward. You could use couples counseling as well as one-on-one counseling appointments apart from each other. You need to build that trust in him...but how can you when it seems like all he wants to do is leave you?
I think any marriage is worth working out. If not for his sex addiction, do you think you would be able to make it by just complaining about his needing to help you more? If so, then complaining to girlfriends goes a LONG way sometimes! Sometimes when I tell my husband about how I'm not happy with him, he gets very defensive and tries to blame things on me too. I think that's just a defense mechanism.
Do you think you can find a man to care for your kids as much as he can? I would stick it out and see if counseling would help the relationship. You don't deserve to live like this, and at the same time I can't blame you for just being sick of living like this either.
Best wishes!
2007-07-23 11:53:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going to assume that these trust issues that you have are due to an affair. This is when I have to ask what you think he's going to do since you are 'turned off' by him. He may not be a sex addict, he may just sincerely have a high sex drive and if you are not having any type of sex with him, of course he is going to turn to other ways. You say that he doesn't contribute enough, but if he is contributing financially, plus he is a good father to his kids, what more do you want him to do? I am again going to assume that you are a stay at home mom. So are you wanting him to help with housework? Because most men are going to say 'Well you stay home all day, I work...why do I have to do things?' Maybe if you didn't bring it up so much, he might surprise you by helping out more. You have to give a little to get a little. But if you don't want to be in the relationship anymore, then get out of it. Otherwise, counselling for both of you may help some. But you have to really want to save your marriage. And I am not seeing that you do...
2007-07-23 11:53:23 · answer #2 · answered by traceylenore 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been through lot of very good and bad relationships and have learned that every person has ---I'll guess 5 flaws. I think you need to weigh his flaws and know that other flaws other people have: here are just a few other ones,
alcoholism- drug addiction
work a holic
liar
cheater
abuser
bully
over-eater-over weight
to name just a few.
If there is any way to fix your marriage and you do love him you should try to work out some sort of trade with him...seriously like housework, body massage, date night, figure out something that will benefit you and him as well. There are some great books out.. I really like most of the ideas that Dr. Laura has. She has a radio show every day on the am station. She deals with a lot of these types of issues...
I would personally rather have a sex addict husband than a beer drinking burping, overweight, liar, screamming bully ,football fanatic, tv watcher that is too busy playing darts and golfing, hanging at the bar with buddies to come home than spending time with our children and me.... I should know....I've been there....lol
Good luck and my prayers and thoughts will be with you and your husband..
2007-07-23 12:03:46 · answer #3 · answered by texie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what I have heard, sex addiction is like alcoholism, gambling, etc. If he is truly an addict, that would explain the manipulation and trust issues. Maybe you could look into it from that aspect, and it might explain alot of the other issues you have going on in your marriage. You sound really sad and frustrated. I'm sorry for your situation. Hope you find some resolve soon.
2007-07-23 13:34:02 · answer #4 · answered by I39 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is a huge glue in marriage that can either make it stronger or slowly let it crumble. And a man with only one of those problems would be hard to stay married to and try to trust him. If you can't afford proffessional help, why not consider going to church? There's often churches that you can speak to the pastor privately and would help you privately.
Also the porn thing can be solved by getting a filter and there's plenty of free ones out there. Anger issues are something he's gonna have to want to change about himself or else the children have a high chance of following in his footsteps later on in life. They have sex addicts anonymous classes in many places you could get info on how to get him help and how to sway him into getting him for himself.
2007-07-23 12:08:13 · answer #5 · answered by deansgurl81702 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could you possibly go on a temporary break? Explain to her how you're feeling and you'd like time apart to figure things out. Still see your kids, just maybe live in a hotel for a week or two. Don't make any rash decisions without truly thinking or understanding what the reality of an actual seperation would be. Who knows you may want to work it out. Hope you find happiness either way.
2016-05-21 04:48:57 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my bf pulls that "it hurts that you don't trust me" ya well it hurts me that he make me not trust him.
sounds like you're thinking about your children first and then yourself. Which is good. Keep doing that.
As for the marriage I would not stay in it. I like sex when I want it NOT when my bf does and demands it. The more demanding he is the longer it's going to take for him to get some.
I think you should write him a letter explaining how you feel, what you'd like to chance BUT don't put it all on him....say you'd want to change things about yourself aswell...lie if you have to so it doesn't look like he's ALL the bad.
Anyway and say that if things don't change within 3 months then you're filing for divorce and will have custody of the children until an arragement can be agreed on for them.
No women deserves that kind of abuse!
2007-07-23 11:53:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes more then money to be a good father and husband. Sounds like he doesn't want to make a physical effort, and the fact that you are repulsed by him is a way to tell that its time for a divorce. Why be married if you can not be happy.
But ask yourself this! Would he consider going to counciling, it sounds like there is some issues that need to be worked out before you consider divorce.
2007-07-23 12:01:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heck yes get out of the marriage! Unless he is willing to seriously put you and your marriag first. Meaning that he will seek therapy to see why he is a sex addict, why he disrespects you, why he is manipulative, and why he is blows up all the time.
2007-07-23 11:51:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suggest counselling and if he refuses that you may conside ending it. If he is not willing to do whatever it takes to better your marriage he is not worth holding onto. I know when there are children involved, the situation is much more complicated, but sometimes divorce is best for everyone if there is dysfunction in the family and it is not being resolved. Good luck!!
2007-07-23 12:14:00 · answer #10 · answered by Sunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋