My husband and I are expecting our first child and unable to agree on this issue. I am a pretty private person and would like to have only my husband and my mother in the room during labor and delivery and atleast 30mins to and hour to ourselves with the baby before family shows up to visit. I would like to keep everyone up to date via phone calls but I would like some privacy before the rush of visitors (we both have a lot of family in town) Is it inconsiderate to leave out his family (and most of mine I might add) during labor and delivery as he suggests (i.e. his parents) since this will be the first grandchild/nephew on his side?
2007-07-23 11:24:54 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
That's exactly what I'm doing, I'm only having my mom and my boyfriend in the room. I've also very private and my boyfriend knows that. It's not like you're leaving only them out, you're leaving your family out of the room too. Just make sure that you let his family in the room when you let yours in after the baby is born. That way no ones family is left out. Make sure they all get the same treatment.
2007-07-23 20:19:24 · answer #1 · answered by Damon's mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This should be %100 percent your call. If you do decide though that this is a private event. The only thing that I could maybe suggest so that your husband and his family don't feel like they are being left out is that you limit the delivery room access to just you and your husband. That way everyone knows that no one is being excluded, but that you just want privacy. Your mom should understand that this is a fair way to settle things.
I don't understand how people think that they have a RIGHT to be in a delivery room. This may be their grandchild, but this is your baby and your body!!! It really peeves me that they feel like you are being mean.
And I know a lot of people that recomend you wait a half an hour to an hour before people visit you. This is crucial bonding time with your child that you can never get back and you don't want someone stealing that away from you.
How about this... tell them that they can be in the delivery room with you if you can see them all naked too!
2007-07-23 11:49:17 · answer #2 · answered by Krissy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The hospital I'm delivering in won't let more than 2 people in at a time, and I think a lot of hospitals have similar policies. You better check on that because it could get crazy if the moms (and any other family) on both sides had to take turns, and for sure whoever misses the actual birth would get all resentful.
This is my first, and I've personally chosen not to have any of our family in the room. It will be my husband and Douala (a coach and big helper), and that's it.
Anyway, as others have said, it's your body that will be on display, and so it's completely your decision. Talk to your husband and your mom (if you still decide to let her in) and tell them not to tell anyone your in labor until after you've delivered - that should give you the private time you need.
Good luck
edit - oh yeah, labor and delivery nurses are totally willing to kick anyone out of the room for you - or keep them out if theres any trouble.
2007-07-23 11:58:45 · answer #3 · answered by daisyk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definately should let them know when you are in labor. That is after you are at the hospital and know for sure you are. Tell them to just hang around home and you will let them know as labor progresses. There is no reason for them to have to hang out at the hospital for hours and hours. Make sure the nurses know that you do not want anyone to come into the labor room with you except your dh and mom. That is your right! I don't think you should try to keep them from seeing the baby for 30 mins to an hour though. You could really end up hurting relationships that would be hard to mend. Another thought... the hospital I'm birthing at uses the same room for everything. After the baby is born, there will be a short period of time for cleaning things (and you) up that would give you time to breathe before the rush of family. If you will be moved to another room, then you could ask for a few minutes in the labor and delivery room before meeting the family in the regular room. One more thing you could do is include your mil and fil on the plans. Tell them that you want privacy while you are in labor and ask them to help keep other family and friends away from the room until you are ready. Your mil should be understanding since she has had a baby before. Let them know ahead of time that you are concerned about feelings being hurt so they will be aware that you aren't trying to hurt them or leave anyone out.
With my last baby, people could just walk right down the hall and into the L&D room. I remember having several of my family members in the room when I got to the stage where I couldn't stand them anymore. I just asked dh to let everyone know it was time to leave. They didn't want to see me exposed or the baby actually being born so they made their way to the waiting room. Thankfully they now have the maternity ward locked off.
2007-07-23 11:47:25 · answer #4 · answered by Psalm91 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you are not being inconsiderate, You are the one in labor. You don't need a whole bunch of people in the room with you especially if it makes you feel uncomfortable. I would let the family on both sides to be in the waiting room, if they want to be. If that is what you want then let your doctor know what is going on and he can help, by telling everyone that only so many people will be allowed. That way it can take away the feeling of people being left out because the doctor made the decision.
2007-07-23 11:39:09 · answer #5 · answered by thismomisgreat 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you dont feel comfortable with his family in the room, then dont have them in there. Have everyone wait in the waiting room if they wish, and just tell the family that you read somewhere that in the case of complications, the less people that are in the room the better. If you have to, tell them your dr or hospital said you are to only have a couple people in there at a time, and you chose your husband and mother. Or worse comes to worst and you have to relent to some point, say they can stay until the contractions get bad, but then they will have to leave, and will be allowed back in after the baby is born and vitals are checked and placenta is delivered (should amount to 30 mins.) And dont listen to the person who said its thier right to be there. That woman obviously has never been in labor with inlaws in the room before!
2007-07-23 11:36:15 · answer #6 · answered by celticfairygoddess 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I know you have all of these ideas in your head now, but "keeping everyone up to date via phone calls" sounds like a good plan.
But, the thing is,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Don't call them until you want people to start showing up.
For a while, it should be you and hubby ONLY while preparing for labor.
After a while, or when you are getting closer, then call your mom/his mom (yes, I would invite just the MOTHERS in the room). They can be there at the delivery.
Right before the baby is born, hubby can call the extended family and let them know you are in the hospital. Tell them you'll call back when the baby is born.
Also, my hospital will ONLY let hubby/ parents/ inlaws there at delivery. No extended family is allowed in that room during labor and delivery.
2007-07-23 11:37:31 · answer #7 · answered by kabmiller@verizon.net 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's your Who-Ha on display....it's your choice. In would say have just you and your husband and maybe your mom. You need to be comfortable with the situation and if your in-laws are there and you feel nervous, it may inhibit labor. You need to be relaxed. And I agree with you, an hour of bonding with your baby with no one around is perfectly reasonable. I don't care if the Pope is there to see you. you deserve some time alone with your baby. It is definitely NOT inconsiderate because it is YOUR baby and YOU are the one going through labor. Trust me, I've had my Mother-in-Law trying to burst through the door while I'm pushing and my husband has had NO problem meeting her at the door and denying access. Good Luck and I hope you can find a middle ground.
2007-07-23 11:28:48 · answer #8 · answered by 4 Shades of Blue 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
We kept it to my husband and I until we got close, then I called my mother and MIL. I agreed to allowing her to be there if everyone else would wait until the following day. Still we had to put our foot down. My SIL wanted to bring her friend and boyfriend.
When you deliver, you will be in that room for anywhere from an hour to three after and they arent crazy about visitors in there.
Once you move to recovery, you still need to keep it small as you will be tired. Remember too that a newborn can become sick easier, and remind them of this. Ask them to wait a week so that you have the time with your baby.
We had some fights with my in-laws over this, and it has caused problems to this day, but we raise our children our way, not theirs and they have to accept our rules.
2007-07-23 11:40:18 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lol, do no longer you purely love in rules. i flow in the process the comparable ordeal. I had my ideas made up till now I ever even have been given pregnant that it may be my husband and my mom interior the room. My mom's my perfect pal and it may recommend each thing to her and me for her to be in there. And my mom in regulation reported the precise comparable ingredient as your's.. "i do no longer want you to sense responsible, blah blah blah" so I reported advantageous! I folded and that i'm letting her in.. With strict rules. She's no longer allowed to the touch the infant first (it is going to be my husband or me, then my mom, then mom in regulation) and he or she's no longer allowed to declare a single be conscious. She's an excellent over dramatic on good of each thing, so as that's why all of the regulations. i'm hoping you artwork it out!! sturdy success!
2016-11-10 05:10:56 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋