No matter how much in love a man is with a woman, will he always want some sort of space?

Question

I am deeply in love with my boyfriend, but it doesn't mean I want to spend 24/7time with him, I want space too. Why do people think that if someone needs space it automatically means that they want to see other people?

Answer 1

It all depends on how you ask for your space. It's been my experience that, due to a lack of communication, when one party asks for space ... the other assumes that it's a break up and acts accordingly.

Reason being that, in reality, that is usually what it ends up becoming. The "I need space" line is used as much as, "You are like a brother to me" when it comes to coping out of a relationship.

If you aren't looking for a way out ... you need to make that clear right away or suffer the consequences. Trust me ...

Answer 2

I say that is because giving each other space in the relationship wasn't clearly defined. I mean have you both sat down and said during a few nights out the week or whenever you just need some "me" time? If you haven't naturally any kind of natural need to be an individual will feel like you are pulling away from him. Because to him it is "we" all the time not just you the person and him another person. See I think this is a really big problem in relationships. So many people get over joyed when they finally have someone in a relationship that after that "we"ness wears off and they wish to be an individual again they haven't really communicated to their partner what it means to have their own space. So its quite easy to see why the other partner is affronted and thinking they aren't loved anymore because their partner has left the "we" zone mentality. I suggest going to your boyfriend tell him you need just some time alone to do your own thing. Doesn't mean you love him any less or anything. Even can suggest he do some things with his friends when not with you or do some of his own things. He should understand then.

Answer 3

You may see this other guy as an idiot and inappropriate for her but she doesn't see it that way. I think part of the problem is you've guys have been together for so long you are all she knows and she doesn't know if you "THE ONE". She may want to experiment so to speak and find out if she wants to be with you or not. Question: Did you decide to go with her because you both love each other or did you go because she asked you to? Keep in mind college is a whole new experience. And there's a lot going on, new people, new things and maybe she wants her freedom to be able to explore everything freely without being guilty. As to what to do? Tell her how you feel. Tell her that you love her and don't want to lose her BUT at the same time you want her to be happy. And if she can't be happy with you then maybe you guys need to go your separate ways. Let her know that you are doing this because you love her and that you will always be there for her in whatever form she needs you-as a boyfriend, as a friend etc. And as hard as this is, it sounds like you changed your life for her but she hasn't changed her life for you. So even if she does break up with you how long are you going to wait for her? How long are you going to put your life on hold? If it is meant to be she'll be back.

Answer 4

Don't assume that "needing space" is a male trait. There are clingy men and space-craving women, too. It's not how much time you spend apart, but about how you feel about one another when you *are* apart, as well as when you're together.

It's the dance of intimacy and autonomy, and couples have a way of finding their own balance between the two. It takes time to get a good rhythm, and it's better if you don't lock your knees.

Check out the book in my "source" info: it's an old one from the 70's, but it's worth the hunt: it gives the reader a five-rung ladder of explanation about this balancing act of together/apart, and how different couples find different ways of achieving this balance depending on their level of personal maturity.

Answer 5

Because that is what is generally meant by 'wanting space'. Society tends to indoctrinate those who allow it with a bunch of absurd notions as to what a relationship should be. All humans have the need for their own personal space, whether it be the mandatory physical space you require (about 4 feet around you as a perimeter), their psychological space or their spiritual space. Those that continue to believe in the traditional social teachings, will continue to suffer the consequences of falling into one of the categories made up by society.

Answer 6

Depends how you say it. If you get to do your thing for the start there wouldn't be a problem. It is healthy to have your own time, Nobody need to spend 24/7 with each other other wise they ask for Space and the person getting the news will think something is up. You shouldn't feel guilt to spend time with your friends. Don't do something you wouldn't like to happen to you. how would you feel?

Answer 7

Everyone needs space from time to time, and we should all realize that, and respect it.
As you stated, it does not automatically mean there is trouble in the relationship.
It sounds like your relationship is on a solid foundation.

Answer 8

Every One needs space. Time out for them selves. An out let from reality.
If what, in your Heart, is True for the ONE you Love. It should not matter what Others say or think.

Answer 9

Maybe the person asking for space needs to explain it better.

Answer 10

Everyone has to hold on to some part of their personal identity or they won't be able to function without their "better half" Do your own thing regularly! If there is a trust issue you might think about moving on.