One of the poems im proud of:?

Question

It's not emo or dark really in any sort of way. It's expressing my fear of being forgotten when I leave the world.


Immortalize Me, My Essence:

Make sure the words on my epitapth are beautiful.
I want to be remembered by them.
I want those words, that line,
To immortalize me,
My essence.
Time won't forget me,
But everyone else will.
Promise to remember me,
To never move on.
I am not afraid of death,
Just to be forgotten.
Lick my lips,
And tell me they're sweet.
Tell me that taste
Will reside in your mouth forever.
Make me more than a memory.
Make me a part of you,
And make sure death will recognize my name.

Answer 1

i like it- and i also like how, i don't know if you meant it this way, the words curve. you should write it out like that, so it's a perfect semi circle.

anyways, back to the words- i like the message and how it's like a letter. it is a beautiful poem, you SHOULD be proud of it. :)

Answer 2

People are more easily forgotten when they do nothing to make themselves stand out. And if the speaker is writing about being remembered, and he's not a 'anonymous' suit kind of 'Elanor Rigby', then it is up to the speaker to make the words beautiful. A poet doesn't ask someone else to immortalize them, they do the job themselves.

Ask yourself these questions as you re-read the poem:
what are 'beautiful words', what is the essence of the speaker (other than desperate), what is there to remember?

Instead of saying "Lick my lips/And tell me they're swee/Tell me that taste/Will reside in your mouth forever" try making the act of licking your lips the moment that will live forever, the act itself giving to that person some of the speaker's essence.

When you kiss me,
and lick your lips later,
let that taste remain with you
after I am gone,
let that be
the kiss you stole from death
to make it remember my name.

By isolating the speaker's impending death, you make it a center of importance, giving it the weight that the speaker is wanting it to have, since that moment is already fast approaching.

And if you want 'Death' to remember your name, its better to do something memorable so that the name will be unique among its collections. That is why the last kiss is a 'stolen' one.

Answer 3

Very Good Message. I like your poem. I'm a singer/songwriter so I think along those lines. I hope you don't mind. I re-wrote your poem for more of a song structure.

Immortalize Me, My Essence:

Make sure the words on my epitapth are beautiful
I want to be remembered by what they say
I want those words ... that line
To immortalize
My essence ... My being
And the way I lived each day

Time won't forget me
But some people might
Promise to remember me
When you move on with your life
I'm not afraid to die ...
Just to say, "Good-bye"

Kiss my lips
The taste is sweet
Hold me close in your heart
My love eternaly
Forever .. even after we part
Will never fade away the memory
You'll always remember me

Answer 4

My dad passed away many years ago, and he IS remembered, and it's NOT for his epitaph.
My grandfather away many years ago, and he IS remembered, and it's NOT for his epitaph.
My uncle passed away last year, and he IS remembered, and it's NOT for his epitaph.

It's the quality of the relationships you leave behind.