What is her problem?

Question

My fiance's sister (who is 2 years younger than us) seems to have a problem with me. She and I got on great at first but now she seems to hate me! She is constantly bitchy to me and even when I'm nothing to do with it, she brings me u during family arguements. Its like she resents my presence. My fiance's grandparents and I get on great, because we make the effort to visit them often and we enjoy their company. I also get on very well with my fiances aunt, uncle and cousins. I work in his uncles business now and have a very good bond with all of them. Without meaning to sound bad, I think she may be jealous because I have been really accepted by the family. However, whereas before my future parents in law and i used to have a very good relationship, now that is suffering because my fiances mother doest want to look like she is favouring me over her daughter, which is understandable, but it is making me feel very uncomfortable... any advice would be greatly appreciated. thanks x

Answer 1

I could have written this question a few years ago! My ex's sister was UNBELIEVEABLE. She was so attention starved and jealous she went to ridiculous extremes to try to keep me and him apart. One night she claimed someone broke into her apartment (which I'll never know if it was true or not, no reason to believe her though). Since my fiance lived out of town, I invited her to stay with me since she said she didn't feel safe. She took me up on the offer for a week, until he was due in town. When he arrived, she wanted him to stay with HER! (btw she had a roomate). He wanted to stay with me, caused a fight from hell, and finally he folded and stayed with her. They did EVERYTHING together. They would even use the bathroom together!
When he recieved orders to go to Iraq, I was flying up to see him for the month prior. She refused to see her brother before he left if I was there. Complete drama queen! I never did anything to this girl, in fact we were friends before, and she introduced me to her brother thinking we would hit it off!
So, now that you know you're not alone, let me tell you this.....it's imparitive to handle this before marriage. She would pull, "you're not blood, I'm your BLOOD!" crap. Unless your fiance is hellbent on putting her in place, you need to seriously reconsider marriage. My situation failed because my ex put his sister first. Any guy that takes orders from another female is never going to be able to give 100% in a relationship with you. The only thing you'll get out of that is heartache.
I hope she starts acting with more maturity! I'm sorry to hear it for ya hon....I truly hope your situation works out better than mine.
Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 2

What you describe is not uncommon. The sibling can be jealous or in love with your brother. He has somebody and that can make her jealous. When I say in love I don't mean the sexual kind. People fall in love with their family in a weird way. Kind of like the Oedipus complex. You are some woman and you come into the house and immediately take a position of power. You are given special privilege even though you are the new person. To make matters worst you are stealing her brother you evil woman you!!. That's the way she might be seeing things.

My advice is not to do anything. If she wants a fight then let her fight. However, don't get involve. Lets say she starts an argument with her brother and you where not present at the moment where it started. Well, don't get too involve. You don't know what the argument is about. What she is doing is expecting a reaction. Trying to make you mad that way you explode. The moment you do then she will point the finger at you and say "you see, you see the true nature of the beast". Is basically a set up. So don't fight. Make her look like the fool like the aggressor. In the end it is you who will be marrying the brother. You will not deal with them on a daily basis. So, don't worry about it too much. Over time she will learn to accept her place and everything will beast if there was never any problem.

Answer 3

have you spoken to your fiance about the matter? i sense your future sister-in-law is jealous on a number of things that may concern you. i don't think its anything serious, but i feel that she is competing with you. your fiance's family seems very connected (meaning not just the immediate family; there is the extended family as well) and his family probably doesn't just accept anyone - only time and trust will tell if the outside person (which is you) is worthy enough be to considered family. so his whole family has already accepted you into the family. she probably feels that she is being replaced, by you.

maybe you have likable traits that she lacks. or maybe its the way you carry yourself around them (his family) and other people and they all admire you for it. she hears the praises and feels that she needs to do better to get praises or the attention or whatever she's looking for. whatever it is, she made it into a competition.

remember i'm just giving out ideas, please don't get upset.

at the same time, she may have outside issues that are being pushed aside because of your engagement to her brother. the family is in high spirits including her but, she wants to address her needs or wants without looking sour.

is she the youngest child of his immediate family?
if so, it maybe the lack of attention that she's not receiving.

whatever the case you and your fiance need to talk it over. listen to his opinions about the matter and come up with an agreement. after that, you talk to her (your future sister-in-law) in private. make sure the matter is between you, your fiance and her because if other people know, she's going to feel low about herself and she going to feel distrust around you. when you do talk to her, take her out somewhere, where she will feel comfortable to talk.

i hope what i said is helpful in anyway possible.

go luck and congrats on your engagement.

Answer 4

Well... it seems to me that you know the answer to the problem, of course she feels jealous which could be understandable, but not justifiable. Don't feel bad about it, it might be a phase and well, you cannot really be less nice or kind to her family just to make HER feel better, so just try not to make her feel worse. And with your M-in-law, well like you said it is understandable too, just give it some time, if your sis-in-law gets better, there will be no need for her to take one side or the other.
Be happy that you've been accepted by the rest of the family and that you get along so well with them!

Answer 5

She is definitely jealous. I wonder when she started to be bitchy. Was it after you got engaged?? My daughter had the same problem with her husbands sister. She had a very close relationship with her brother and was jealous that my daughter "took him away from her", which of course is absurd. She bad mouthed my daughter all over their family. It was horrid for my daughter. It took a really long time, but, his sister did get over it (I'm talking years ). If your finance's sister has made up her mind not to like you there isn't much you can do except ride it out. Good luck sweetie

Answer 6

I would just go on the way you are, do not confront her, just let her get over it, she has a very immature problem, and yes, she is jealous.

Maby she is not accepted by the family and she is just jealous that the family is accepting you with open arms! You are like a breath of fresh air to them and they are probably of hearing her snarl all the time she does not someone, they are tired of her attitude and they have had enough of it.

Just ignore her, and concentrate on what you are building with your fiance and his family!!!!

Do not let it bother you, you sound like you are the type of person who wants everyone to like you including her, I am the same way, but I have learned!!! It is not easy, but just count your blessings that you have a wonderful fiance and a wonderful family to be!!!!!

She is just one, his whole entire family is many, she is not worth getting all upset over! Just give her a bowl of milk and have her lap it up in the corner! LOL!!!

Answer 7

I think your soon to be sister in law is acting childish ! Maybe you should just come right out and ask her if she is ( ok ) with you or if there is a issue that you need to get out in the open and talk about. Going to her first may make her feel that you really care about her feelings toward you and show her that you want to make things better if possible.If that fails , then your soon to be husband needs to have a chat with her . Explaining that she needs to air her grievances now because you aren't going away. Since she is acting childish then you have to act in a adult manner and not play into her games ( if she is playing any ) Good luck to you !

Answer 8

To be honest with you, she is probably jealous. I don't think that she resents you. Why???? Well for one, you get along with your fiance's family(well except the sister) and they don't seem to have a problem with you. To be honest with you, she just needs some attention. But I think personally she is jealous. Also, did you talk to your fiance about it???? I mean, you just want to understand.......

PS: She's probably also childish. And plus, you sound like a young couple(assumed). You don't want to let your fiance's sister say something that it is'nt true......

Answer 9

You have quite the dilemma. Have you shared with your fiance how you are feeling? Maybe he can have a talk with his sister to better understand more about how she feels about you.

I remember dating a guy and I had the same problem. His sister (even though she was much younger than us) hated me so much in the beginning that she bit me. (Believe it or not!) After having a discussion with her, it turned out to be a bit of jealousy on her part. She felt that I was "taking away" her big brother and she didn't like me for that.

Now she and I are inseparable, despite the rocky start. Good luck and I hope this helps!

Answer 10

find her a bf, so that she had other things to do except bitching. when you go to the party with your fiance, invite her to join you and introduce her to some older guys. get her drunk, put her in an embarrassing position or find out some of her dirty secrets, so that you'd have some weapons against her. but don't use it, she just needs to understand that you won't hurt her as long as she behaves. convince your fiance that he needs to pay some attention to his sister, remember, she is not really a competition to you, and you would be much bettter off, if you can have her as an ally, rather than the enemy. you need to convince her that it's in her interests as well to keep the peace.