opinions, this is a poem for my sister.?

Question

Sweet sister, in a minute's span
Death parts thee, love of thee;
Sweet love, that yet lives,
Come back, true love, to comfort me.
Back, ah, come back! ah wellaway!
But my love comes not, even for a day.


As roses, when the warm West blows,
Break to full flower and sweeten spring,
My soul would break to a glorious rose
At a mear hit of your whispering.
In vain I listen; wellaway!
My love says nothing any day.


You that will weep for pity or love
On the low place where I lay,
I pray you, having wept enough,
Tell yourself for whom I bore such pain
That thou art yet, ah! wellaway!
My true love to my dying day.

I didn't say it was his because I didn't know,
read my profile, I wrote and changed things for my sister, honestly I'm glad you told me =)
She loved when I took something written for another and made it for her.
Also; I love my sister more than anything, something you might not understand, I would have killed for her, but she is dead and now I feel bitter looking back and not knowing who I changed for her.
So, again,
Thank you.

I did not love my sister as a lover, rather as a mother, though she was in fact younger than me she was the only family I had an she stopped me from disgracing myself for her as a mother would.

Answer 1

I assume you're not claiming Algernon Charles Swinburne's poem as your own?
The title of the poem being Song Before Death.

Is it to be read at a memorial or something?
It's lovely, but more suitable for a mother as was originally written, the line, 'Come back, true love, to comfort me' not as appropriate for a sister.

Just my humble opinion.

Answer 2

I understand your love and emotional attachment, as well as your bereavement for the loss of your sister.

However, perhaps you would do her more honor by taking this opportunity to write down "in your own words", and they don't have to rhyme unless you feel that "that" would be appropriate, how you felt about her and how her loss makes you feel.

I'm sure she would be proud of the fact that you desire to honor her memory even after she is gone, and that she somehow, someway knows you miss her. Share your feelings by putting your own thoughts to paper, search your soul and find a way to express your feelings with the grace she would expect your heart to produce...take your time, this is important for you. When you've managed to put down what you think best describes how you feel, whether others feel it good or weak, right or wrong, post it and you'll get feedback on "your" feelings, instead of a modified version of someone else's...I'm sure your sister would appreciate the additional effort...and I know you will find the right voice.

Answer 3

attempt this for an edit: Poem, Bloom of existence. She ought to have been a saintly soul in comparison to this worldwide of strife that ever God ought to call her in- the very bloom of existence. while youth is accomplishing out with palms, untouched by qualm or by dread to happiness and super elegance… to all that lies forward. while aims are contained in the making and a music is contained in the air. for Him to kiss, and her to blush and love, their love, to linger there . while arts are certain mutually- the trysts of yesteryears and time is in simple terms something too, checklist the grins and tears . She ought to have been a creature truthful with keen eyes and all so gay, for angels of the evening to come again and carry her away.

Answer 4

kinda sounds like you're in love with her....but lots of emotion, maybe a few words are used to much. Can I offer a thesaurus? But it's really quite good.

Answer 5

I really like it. Nice job.

Answer 6

it is very good and it shows much emotion. great poetry.

Answer 7

are you like in love with her or something? eww!

Answer 8

absolutely beautiful!