Just asking for other opinions here. If you have snide remarks, save it.
My ex husband and I have been divorced for almost 6 years. (Very happy about that) Anyway, we have 3 daughters together. Since we split he now has a 3 year old son with a long time girlfriend (they have also split) and a 1 year old daughter with a one night stand (who is married). He sees my daughters once a week for less than 12 hours, sees his son twice a week over night and every weekend. He pays his support for his son but not for my daughters. They are very hurt because he obviously shows more attention to his son. Now I find out that he is talking to the other little girl's mother. I have told him that I do not want my daughters to know about this other child. He and this child's mother are discussing going on National TV for a paternity test. Am I wrong for wanting to protect my daughters from getting their hearts torn out again now that there is yet ANOTHER child in the picture?
2007-07-23 08:21:53 · 17 answers · asked by stacilynn26 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok, for those who think he's not paying support because I don't ask for it...you couldn't be more wrong. He doesn't pay it because it it about 3x what he is ordered to pay for his son and he knows that I work 3 jobs just to keep the girls well taken care of. I have had his license suspended more times that I can count (just this past month AGAIN), we go back to court in October for his follow-up on his contempt charges he was found guilty of back in December-I've done all I can do to enforce it...he just doesn't care.
2007-07-23 09:34:01 · update #1
I don't think you should try to exclude the other little girl from your daughters. You chose this man. You man not have know what a fantastic person he would turn out to be. But, you have to live with his numerous progeny. They are your daughter's half siblings. And, they will only resent it if you keep them apart.
Besides that would be cruel to the little girl. I think you have to set your feelings aside and make the best of this. And, hope to god this man gets fixed.
2007-07-23 08:31:46 · answer #1 · answered by 354gr 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you're not wrong, but obviously your ex and their father couldn't care less about how many children he has in this world. If he is stupid enough to go on National television for a paternity test, then I think it would be better for you to sit down with your daughters and let them know what's going on before someone else sees him somewhere and tells them.
I hope that one day you find a decent man that will care for your daughters the way they're supposed to be cared for, because little girls definitely need a good man influence in their lives.
Good luck
2007-07-23 08:27:43 · answer #2 · answered by johanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have every right to protect your children!! None likes to see their children or any family member hurt!!!
He should be financially taking care of your children as they were his first as well as any others he may have. (you can't pick and choose what kids you are going to support,what kind of father does that?) I have my ex doing some of the same with his now 2nd ex and paying more child support on that child than my 3 and then dating a girl with 4 children whom he spends all his spare time and money on!!! Our children are however teenagers now and I just let him hang himself.
They are gonna find out probably anyway about their sibling so it might as well be you (in a nice way) telling them they have a sibling!! It is not the children's fault their fathers an idiot!!! And all these children may want to grow up and have a sibling relationship and that you should help and encourage them as far as that goes!!! You do not have to be friends with any of his ex's nor have anything to do with them. The children will however i am sure at one point have contact with each other at his place during some future visit!!!
Good luck and I am sure the children are going to be glad when they grow up that you were there for them and raised them !!! Children need stability and someone who is consistent in their life,not someone who sees them less than 1 full day a week!!!
Good luck in your decision!!!
2007-07-23 08:42:20 · answer #3 · answered by dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong for wanting to protect your daughters, you're their mother and that's what us mothers do.
Why doesn't he pay support for your daughters at all?
Although this may sound cold, maybe if he was paying support for them he would spend more time with them. (Like with his son as you said) I know that's horrible to say but men associate the two for some reason.
You're ex sounds like a real winner if he is talking about going on TV for a paternity test. Regardless of how much you try to protect your girls from the reality of their father, they will one day know the truth.
GOOD LUCK!!
2007-07-23 08:30:20 · answer #4 · answered by Jerribear76 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want to be momma bear and protect your girls, understandable, but they should hear it from you rather than from someone else. Also, he should pay his part for your daughters, if you go through the court on this, he has no choice but to pay. He seems like he has a lot of growing up to do, and he doesn't see your girls too often, and in a way I think that they are better off with you anyway. If he doesn't want to take them more, then don't force it, it's inevitably his loss, your girls will grow up to be great women, keep them strong and surrounded by people who want them around and are positive.
2007-07-23 08:53:03 · answer #5 · answered by Vegas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think that maybe instead of your girls finding out by other sources you should me the one to tell them what's going on!!! I am soon to have baby and my husband has a little girl with a previous relationship and although my husband has no contact with his other daughter and he does support her i plan on when the day is right letting my child know just because i would rather hurt them and comfort them myself than have someone else hurt them !!!!!!
2007-07-23 09:24:07 · answer #6 · answered by mimi1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not only can they modify it to the lower amount, He may get credit for the overpayment if he asks for it. You probably won't have to pay it back directly, but your payment can be reduced to make up for the overpayment. By the way, the money isn't for your monthly expenses it is meant to support the children hence the name "child support". Don't be greedy, he can't continue because it isn't his responsibility!
2016-05-21 02:41:01 · answer #7 · answered by lana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're children do have the right to know about all siblings. As they get older, they'll figure out what's up with dad. Til then, don't badmouth your ex in front of your kids. My husband has 2 kids with his ex. Both are over 21. My two teenagers go visit his ex and have even spent the night with her and her husband. It really does help the kids for everyone to get along.
2007-07-23 08:28:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What did the courts award you in child support when you got divorced? At the very least - he should be paying his child support.
Hire a lawyer to get at least your back support.
2007-07-23 08:34:52 · answer #9 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh well her father is a jerk.
Better to be honest now than have your daughters hear about Daddy on Maury on the playground.
God, can SOMEONE cut that man's nuts off, like yesterday?
2007-07-23 08:25:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋