i lost my baby at 6 weeks, didnt even have a chance to process the information that i was going to have a baby. it wasnt planned but we would have kept it. my fiance and i were both devastated at the time but he seems to have dealt with it alot better than i have. it still upsets me... any advice?
2007-07-23 08:04:12 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
That's normal!! It's been almost 2 years since mine, and I still think about it everyday. I don't cry about it as much as I used to, and it gets a little easier all the time. My bf seems to have dealt with it better also. I think it may have something to do with the fact that he wasn't carrying the baby and didn't have to really deal with the miscarriage, only with me when I fell apart.
What really got me over the worst of it was talking to one of my friends who went through it a couple of years ago and a couple of online support groups. I don't have the links on this computer, but you might want to check it out on your own. It really helps to know you aren't alone. I was surprised at all the poeple who have been through it, but keep it quiet.
Feel free to grieve, sweetie. It's natural and it's the only way to get through it. Everybody heals at a different rate.
Good Luck!! :)
2007-07-23 08:13:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have had a miscarriage, live birth, miscarriage and now 39 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child. It is highly disappointing and stressful when you have miscarried (not knowing the reason why it happened) and then worried once you get pregnant again. It gets better and I am a high believer in things happen for a reason. With my first miscarriage I miscarried on July 31st many years ago...my husband and I were still dating at that point and having problems. I think the baby knew it just wasn't the right time. The next year we were in a much better place and just married - got pregnant for the 2nd time a month after being married....my daughter was born on July 31st (the same day I miscarried 2 years earlier). It will get better and when the time is right, the baby will come. :)
2007-07-23 08:09:52 · answer #2 · answered by Jessica W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no rule that says how long you should grieve over something. Each person is different. Maybe there are some underlying issues that you may not even be aware of that makes this loss feel "worse". But try not to compare yourself to your fiance because having 2 kids and 1 miscarriage of my OWN it is always different for the woman. They are the ones that carry it, feel it, and some women tend to blame themselves for losing a baby--like "what is wrong with me?"--I think their is a sense of "ownership" (for lack of a better word)to the baby that women feel and men don't. It can feel like we have lost a part of ourselves. Thats a hard thing even if you weren't aware that we HAD that part until we lost it. Just try and remember that its NOT your fault, it is actually very common and our bodies are very smart efficient machines an it is the bodies way of telling us that it just wasn't forming the way it should have been and lets try it again. If you believe if God (which I do) then know that he will send that spirit back to you when its time.
2007-07-23 08:19:55 · answer #3 · answered by auntbranna 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is absolutely not pathetic at all. Miscarriages are very traumatic experiences, and it is normal to take awhile to finally move on afterwards. Is it preventing you from going about your day normally? It is on your mind constantly, or does it only come up now when something else stressful or upsetting triggers it?
Those are some questions that you need to ask yourself. There is a line between normal grieving and depression. If you find it impairing on your life in any way, especially with your relationship with your fiance or even your sex life, you might want to talk to your fiance about it and could even benefit from a few counseling sessions.
It's ok to be upset and grieve, but just make sure you recognize the warning signs.
2007-07-23 08:14:13 · answer #4 · answered by Citygirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i understand your discomfort. I had a miscarriage in Dec. i exchange into 10 a million/2 weeks. i'm now 9 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I incredibly have been checking the lavatory paper each and every time I pee because of the fact that i found out. you ought to loosen up. Miscarriages ensue and one loss does not advise that there is something incorrect with you. Your danger of destiny miscarriage does not critically enhance after in simple terms one loss. right this is a statistic: "decrease than 5 % of ladies human beings have 2 consecutive miscarriages, and easily a million % have 3 or greater consecutive miscarriages. " I lost my toddler 2 days after seeing him/her on an ultrasound. I have been recognizing and the toddler measured small. most of the time miscarriage occurs because of the fact something went incorrect with the toddler. It wasn't your fault. hear on your well known music, watch video clips, cuddle your pets, do something to maintain your self distracted and calm. Your risk of miscarriage isn't 50/50. no longer even close.
2016-09-30 12:48:51 · answer #5 · answered by gavilanes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your doctor. You are most likely depressed. Also, talk to your fiance. My husband and I lost 3 babies due to early miscarriage (7-8 weeks) and we almost lost our son when he was born at 29 weeks (He will be 3 in a few weeks) and last year, the day after our son's 2nd birthday we lost a baby girl at 21 weeks. I fell into a deep depression and had to be put on Zoloft. Men don't have the special connection to the baby before they are born because the don't get to feel them kick, and move around, and they don't get the morning sickness so it doesn't seem real to them.
2007-07-23 08:16:09 · answer #6 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its normal, not pathetic. I have never lost a child, but if I ever did Im not sure how I would deal with it. It would tear me apart. Im sorry that I cant give you any advice beyond dont lose hope. Keep trying... one of my friends had a miscarriage at 5 months, had to give birth to the baby still born, but then she went on to get pregnant less than a year later and now has 3 children. Dont lose hope.
2007-07-23 08:08:42 · answer #7 · answered by celticfairygoddess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Grieve as much as you need... some of it may be emotions led on by hormonal changes that come about with the short term pregnancy. However, the only yard stick is your own body, personal belief and attachment to becoming a mother! Feeling something is never pathetic. It is the lack of recognition of your own feelings and acting externally childish about them that can make it pathetic...!
Smile on! No matter what belief structure you have, it should be always possible to come to terms with the feelings of loss, and even get pregnant again when it is the right timing (if the experience brought the desire of motherhood about!)
2007-07-23 08:15:09 · answer #8 · answered by ikiraf 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah.... its only been about a month since I miscarried. My husband seemed to be over it in 2 days. I think women are more affected because they actually hold that baby in their body for however short period of time and its monumentous. You feel the slight changes in your body and then the daydreams set in and even if you only know you are pregnant for a few weeks... it still hurts.
No its not pathetic. But its not good either. Maybe you and your fiance should talk to somebody about it like a pastor or a therapist? What we did was we went to Home Depot and bought a tree. Its a beautiful climbing honeysuckle. And we planted it under a trellis to grow on. We call it our baby tree. And every time I see that tree I am reminded of our little baby but its something physical and alive that I can see growing and somehow that helps. A friend of mine also named her baby she lost and she said that helped. Ive heard of couples who hold little "memorial" services and talk about their feelings to each other. Or bury a letter you both write to your baby.
Something my dad said to me really helped. He said that the baby either wasnt ready to come to us yet or was meant for somebody else and that our baby is still waiting to come to us.
Anyway, you need to grieve, get it out of your body and mind and place it somewhere even symbolically like in a letter or planting a tree. And talk about it. I know its hard.... but this too shall pass
2007-07-23 08:13:28 · answer #9 · answered by MonkeyMama 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course it's not pathetic! I am so sorry for your loss. You will always miss the baby that you lost. Hopefully it won't hurt as much as time goes on. Have you considered joining a support group, either online or in real life, dealing with pregnancy loss? Best wishes.
2007-07-23 08:08:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋