My neighbor was kind enough to help me with carrying some things out of the basement. I made him coffee and one thing led to another after talking for awhile. He really made me enjoy myself which is what really make this hard. I don't know if I should tell my husband that I was with this man or if I should keep this to myself. I can't believe I just did this. I feel like a s-l-u-t! Any advise on what I should do now?
2007-07-23 08:00:38 · 29 answers · asked by Patricia W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes we went all the way
2007-07-23 08:10:06 · update #1
You made a mistake. For give yourself and move on. Don't compound it by telling him and making him miserable. And don't destroy the marriage. If you need to confess, do it to your clergy. It is just a mistake, serious, but not fatal, unless you make it fatal. If you need counseling to get over it, seek same. It is private and confidential.
2007-07-23 08:05:38 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 4⤊ 5⤋
A "mistake" is when you run a stop sign you didn't see or accidentally give someone the wrong change. What you did was intentionally and knowingly cheat on your husband. Yes, you need to tell your husband. If he still feels like staying with you, you need to get marital counseling to work out your issues. If he decides he doesn't want to be with you any longer (which is quite likely), you need to get some counseling on your own to find out why exactly you were willing to jeopardize your marriage and break your husband's heart for a guy who helped you carry something out of your basement.
2007-07-23 08:11:10 · answer #2 · answered by greeneyes_bjb 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Yes, you certainly did make a mistake. People who cheat rarely do it for the sex. This infidelity has deeper meaning, or you wouldn't have enjoyed it so much. You really should tell him. The only reason not to tell someone you cheated is so they don't leave you. That's selfish and unfair to him because your wedding vows are now tainted and he's still living by them. But you have to face the consequences to your actions.
2007-07-23 08:25:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, do you love your hubby? I mean how understanding will he be if you tell him? Do you plan on doing again? I mean we all at some point have made mistakes small or big. Can you live with the guilt if you don't tell? It is something only you can answer for yourself. I feel for you cause I have been there and no I didn't tell no I will not tell. We all have our reasons for what we do. Will he tell your hubby? You don't want him telling your hubby before you. If he isn't going to say anything then maybe wait till you know more about how you feel and how you are going to handle it.....good luck
2007-07-23 08:08:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Tell your husband and pray that he doesn't leave you!!
Keeping it from him will make the remainder of your marriage a big fat lie!!!
Let me also say that my husband "made a mistake" when he was passed out drunk...he came clean the very next day and through alot of prayer we have been healing our marriage...if he had kept it from me or if I had found out from someone other than him it'd be over in a heartbeat...his contrite spirit is the only thing that has kept me with him...that and a strong belief that everyone is worthy of forgiveness...
you need to tell your husband immediately and do everything you can to save your marriage...but if your husband decides to walk away you deserve it and that is a bitter pill to swallow!!
2007-07-23 08:07:51 · answer #5 · answered by Notagain 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
You really need to ask yourself - what would you want your husband to do if the roles were reversed? Would you want to know or prefer to be left in the dark. There is also the possibility that your neighbor could talk and your husband could find out that way. If I were in your place, I would come clean because I would rather him hear it from me. Good luck
2007-07-23 08:06:57 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Ok, things don't 'just lead to another.' They just don't. I don't believe that. Just because you enjoyed yourself doesn't make it right. It depends on you if you want to tell him or not. Would you have him be hurt/upset in this moment now, or wait 5 years, tell him then and him be hurt/upset with 5 yrs. of dishonesty added on top. Hopefully for yourself things will work itself out, if he left can't say I would blame him. Good Luck.
2007-07-23 08:04:46 · answer #7 · answered by Һסρε 2ӨӨ8 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
what happened?
well, if you lie to your husband you will just make it worse. the best thing you can do is be honest with him and accept any consequences it might have.
if you keep it to yourself, you will have a lot of guilt and you run the risk that your husband might find out on his own and then, be more upset that you didn't tell him.
2007-07-23 08:04:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
And just why do you think the neighbor was kind enough to offer to help you? He planned it, or was hoping it would happen.
You screwed up big time (no pun intended). If you don't tell, then you are lying to your husband. If you do tell, he should leave you. Both are bad, and you did a bad thing.
2007-07-23 08:05:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Cheating is unforgivable. Once a cheat, always a cheat. Tell your husband so he can get on with his life and find a woman who is faithful and actually means the vows she takes.
2007-07-23 08:16:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I am not a big fan of infidelity but... you should not run confessing to your husband. Why hurt him like that? So you can feel better. You absolutely have to seek professional help to determine why you did this in the first place. Nothing ever just happens and you know this didn't. Deal with you and your issues first so you are in a clearer better position to deal with your marriage. Good luck!
2007-07-23 08:09:29 · answer #11 · answered by always an opinion 4 · 1⤊ 4⤋