Scenario: Your wife doesn't live with you for past 9 months. You are not yet divorced and 'HAVE BODY NEEDS'

Question

What do you do? What about the moral issues? Or one should be man enough to control his natural desires and wait for that next special person after all the divorce mess is cleared. This is the time when vulnerability is high. Am i right?

ps. some people have told me to satisfy my natural needs. But it looks cheap to me. Suggestions and advice please...

(male 28)

Answer 1

me , i don't think it's fair to yourself or who you might be with to not have yet completely have gotten over your wife yet and then overlapping new emotions over the top.( if that's the case ) but.... sometimes what your body needs isn't good for the soul . for example , if i let my taste buds rule what i ate I'd be really really fat , miserable and unhealthy in alot of ways right ? i hear ya for sure about wants and needs (boy howdee) but us grown up people should know that sex can be damaging as well as good for you in general . just remember you ain't the only one that can be hurt if you do something you shouldn't though, it just ain't no fun tellin' ya that , but i gotta . peace .

Answer 2

Hi,

I am the same age as you and married. Just so you know where I am coming from. :) We have been married for 5 years.

Ok, so is it truly over? Are you truly done with each other and moving on? Is it just a matter of finalizing and signing the paper work to complete the divorce? If this is the case then I do not see being intimate with another person as cheating. You are not cheating if there is no relationship left. Just some legal papers.

If you are trying to work things out even at all, then you should not be intimate with anyone else.

If there are children involved you should not expose them to any other woman, unless you really care about that person and hope to have them around for a while.

Also, there is nothing wrong with taking matters firmly into your own hands. And yes, I mean what you think I mean. I know that doesn't resolve the issue, but it might help from time to time. It is normal and natural.

You are not going to go to H e l l for needing to feel physically close to another person again. That is also normal and natural.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I think you right in your reservations of satisfying your "body needs". I am a 30 year old women who has a very high sex drive, but I think in the long run you are better off controling your desires until your not vulnerable. You will make better descions when your not vulnerable. If you try I know you can do the right thing. If I were you I would press hard to get the divorce finale.

Answer 4

I think that its beyond the point of reconciliation and that its obvious that you two are not going to be back together. On that note it is OK to satisfy your needs but its also your job to tell the other person the situation that your in (you do not have to get into details) but it is important that the other person knows what the situation is. Its been way to long since this all started to have to worry about it being morally correct just don't bring up those old feelings of resentment on the new gf cause it can and probably will happen, just make sure you treat the new one right.

Answer 5

This is a case where You have to choose for yourself. You are the only one who can really feel what you are feeling. My advice to you is to do what you think is best for you. It has been nine months and you haven't done anything. You must be joking. You are a very loyal man and I wish that I could find you someday I couldn't find any logical reason to divorce you. Nine months is quite a long time. Get over with that divorce quickly and get on with you life. In the mean time while the divorce is being resolved, try finding some one because it doesn't exactly take a day to find someone loyal and get into their pants. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

You already getting divorced and sometimes it can take a year or two before the divorce is final. I applaud you for wanting to wait until your divorce is final but if you are already separated and in the divorce process then I don't think there is anything wrong with you moving on. As far as her holding something against you, many states are no fault states and it doesn't matter if you are involved with someone else.

Answer 7

Mind over matter - and yes, the difference between humans and animals is the ability to reason and control urges, isn't it?

You can wait for the next special someone, you can go ahead and find someone (you're already getting divorced, morality has little significance here unless you plan on waiting until you marry again, if ever) or handle it yourself. It's up to you and how it would make YOU feel, not how others feel about what you do.

Let your conscience be your guide!

Answer 8

The man should take care of his "needs" on his own (ie, take matters into his own hand) ;) This should provide him adequate release until the divorce is final.
He should be completely honest with his wife about when he plans to move on and start dating (and sleeping with) other people. He shouldn't give her details, but he should tell her in advance that he is preparing to move on. As long as he is honest with her, he can then consider his own personal moral/religious beliefs about when to address his needs.

Answer 9

Hi,

Technically she (wife) is still the only woman you are entitled to have sex with. She also has body needs. You guys could just get together for a nite and after that get on with the divorce paper work. Proposition it well, I bet you she will buy it except you tried to murder her.

Be encouraged. Nuch

Answer 10

If you are separated pending divorce, and the (emotional) relationship between you and your wife is over, then do as you will...however if you are just out seeking sex, make sure your potential partner realizes you're just wanting release and not another relationship.

...and get that divorced finalized asap so you can go about your life guilt-free.