Still confused about whether hes cheating or not?

Question

Why am I going crazy over this? I keep thinking my husband of 14 yrs is cheating. I have already snuck up on him at work and found nothing wrong, he still calls me every couple of hours from work to see if everythings fine, he still doesnt go out, his paycheck hours are basically accounted for. The thing is, he hasnt been too interested in sex and that makes me cautious. He blames it on his medical condition and says hes too tired and weak but I just cant seem to buy that. Why doesnt he feel that way at work when his job requires manpower? This morning for the first time, he left about an hour earlier than his usual time. Claims that there was a meeting. Again, I became angry and thought something suspicious especially after last night when he didnt want sex. What would you guys think if all other signs show no cheating but he doesnt want sex? By the way, his job requires him to be on the streets all day and in and out of homes.To me,theres plenty of time there to cheat!

Answer 1

This is something you would not like to hear - you want everyone to agree with you that your spouse is cheating, and you would love to feel that your suspicion is right, you're psychic, your hunch is right blah² blah - you know, all those dramatically tragic soap stories like in the movies - run to your bed, cry² cry and wet the pillow, and have those swollen eyes, start telling your colleagues about how suck love is blah² blah, those broken hearted stuff and the like.
Unfortunately, I'm not going to compose that kind of story. But, choose to share with you what I feel. Even if you send me an answer script to write some drama mama - to fit your story, I'll not do it.
Honestly, if you approach, not confront him and he's gona say he really experience medical situation & not having fiesta seeing another younger damsel ..... you'll definitely not believe him.
In your mind, you have not only imagine, but visualize & paint that picture of him leaving early and do things that was not supposed to be done - and manifesting further....
And, every word he may or could be saying is pure cheat - simply because - he doesn't do thing you expect him to be doing - cheat on you.
I donno if you have heard of this Law of Universe term called "Law of Attraction", where everything you think, visualize will manifest into reality - and answer your prayer!
So, if you still want your fantasy to be reality - start visualizing seriously that he's having an affair and your 14 yrs of marriage gonna break up.... it will happen! not because your spouse cheat on you, but, because you want it to happen that way ..... God Bless!

Answer 2

First of all, give the man the benefit of the doubt, you've been married 14 years which means he is dedicated to you and wants to be with you. Without any evidence there is no way to prove he is not being loyal to you, which means you have no real reason not to trust him, and until you do your respect for him is vital to your relationship. He may genuinely be tired after work, especially if it is manual labor he is doing. If you haven’t taken a vacation in a while, maybe now is a good time. This will give him a break from this hard work he does and get him away from it all so you can open up and really talk about your relationship, especially your concern about your sex life. If a vacation isn’t in order, a way to test his sexual desire is to plan a romantic evening out. Wear a sexy low-cut black dress, go out somewhere fancy, offer to pay so he is relaxed and inspired by your treating him so well. Be sure to have a new piece of sexy lingerie waiting at home. Make yourself as irresistible as possible, turn on his sex drive by lighting candles or using oils. If this doesn’t work, and he still isn’t “in the mood” you can be concerned, but share your concern simply as that, not judgmentally or as accusative. If he senses you questioning his loyalty he will close up FAST. The best thing you can do is to respect his wishes and make yours known. Tell him how you feel in a respectful and he should respond well – be careful not to accuse him of anything you don’t have proof of.

Answer 3

as a woman, its hard to not have that thought in your mind. Then, when the 1st thing goes wrong, or out of the ordinary (early morning meeting) you immediately "go there" in your mind with the infidelity thoughts. With what you're saying about the phone calls to you, the $$ being accted for, I think you're ok. Yes, if he's in/out of homes all day, I can see your concern, but usually, extra-marital things are with one person. If his job requires him to be in different places all the time, there's not much way that this other person could be around too much. I understand your concerns about the lack of desire. But, if he does have a medical condition, that's a valid reason. Put the shoe on the other foot for that one. If you had a condition that killed your desire, wouldn't you feel a bit "put out" when he kept begging you for it? Get a toy if you're that needy, and then, the times that hubby is ready for you, enjoy! I would suggest some counseling. Something is triggering your mind to go where it shouldn't. You're not alone. I've been there, done that many times, and yes, it will drive you insane. There is no quick/easy answer for it. If you feel you have to, check up on him from time to time, when these "extra" things come up. If he gets really irate, there ya go, question answered. He shouldn't mind at all if he "catches you" watching him if he's on the up and up. Good luck!!!

Answer 4

I don't think he's cheating on you. I think you have a huge issue with trust. If you keep assuming that he is cheating and getting upset with him and blame him for cheating, it may lead him to cheating. Sometimes your attitude can also cause no sex. If you are always getting upset with him and thinking he is cheating, he is not going to want to have sex with you much. The way men see it, when we complain about something like that, especially if it's not even going on, they think we are just bitching and no man wants a bitchy wife/girlfriend, it's a huge turn off. Instead of coming to yahoo answers I think that you should talk this over with your husband. Maybe his medical condition really does get in the way and I'm pretty sure he really is tired from work. Just relax, talk it over with him (calmly of course) and try not to be so suspicious. Trust me, I know what not trusting can do to a relationship and it's not fun.

Answer 5

I would think that he is married to a mistrustful person, who has no trust or respect for her husband.

I have to wonder, how do present yourself. Do you fix yourself up before he gets home from work? Keep yourself decent looking, workout to stay fit? Or is all your time spent chasing your husband around?

You don't say what his condition is, but I can tell you if it is a heart problem, diabetes, or high blood pressure, the medications can decrease sex drive and the conditions themselves can both decreaase sex drive and cause tiredness.

Get a grip and be a good wife. Stop chasing shadows and start filling your life with worthwhile activities. I bet then you might see a change.

Answer 6

He needs to leave you. I bet he's bustin his a** all day too put food out and lights on . And you running round the streets like some broke a** Columbo trying to catch him up on something he aint doin.
I bet you want to catch him up in some BS so you can leave and take his money so you can get with the guy you prolly been creepin with for the past couple of years.

as far as him wanting sex. do you make ur self sexy and attractive so when he gets home he actually has a reason to want you and NOT because its his duty. Heck cleaning the bathroom is a duty but you don't see everyone lining up to be the first one to do it. AND how much of a mood can he be in, when you nagging him all day and checking up on him..

He's been with you just as long as you've been with him, maybe you need to get off homeboys back for a second and let him relax ..you might get some

2 things to think about
Do You Work?
Do you keep urself attarctive so ur husband will be into you.

I feel sorry for some of these married guys out here, my wife keeps it sexy for me and I keep it hot for her!

Answer 7

You are gonna drive yourself crazy and if he is not cheating he will start. Check yourself maybe you need to become a new freak for your husband its been 14yrs. Give him a little mouth action before he heads to work. We can't always blame the man. I hope you are keeping yourself neat. Pull out your heals and your thong. Give him some action. Because what I read you don't have any evidence of him cheating. A lot of women and men make this mistake and end their marriages over basically nothing.

Answer 8

When my husband is stressed, he doesn't want it either. Perhaps your husband is actually tired. Think of it this way. He wants to keep his job in order to support his family, so he has to keep up the manpower at work despite the medical condition. You are on a fishing expedition and eventually you will destroy your marriage by continuing on this way.

Answer 9

You shouldn't really think that way unless you seriously see something suspect. Granted there may be time but realistically there is always time for that. Some men are just mentally tired and don't think of it. Suggest him takingsome time off for just the two of you, that can help. Don't put your suspicions out there or mention it to him often because that will put a damper on things and make it worse.

Answer 10

I don't think he is cheating but i would confront him on this. I can understand him being tired from working all day but there is a time when you leave your work behind come home and relax and spend quality time with the family. I would let him know how you feel, let him know that you miss him and that you feel that he is unattracted to you etc...if he loves you he will talk to you about this and not take it any other way.