What should have I done?

Question

The other night my bestfriend called me and told me that the guy I've been dating had said something about me that was very insincetive.The guy I am dating is best friends with my bestfriend's husband's brother.well the brother-in-law tells mybf and her husband what the guy said about me and this pissed her off so she called me.then she tells me not to say anything to the guy I am seeing because she doesn't want her brother-in-law and the guy pissed at her.ok we are all in our late twenties and early thirties and this sounds sooooooo highschool.I wasn't pissed my feelings were a little hurt and I just wanted to talk to the guy and understand things . My thing is that now that I know what he said I can't act like I don't know and he will know somethings up because things won't be normal with us untill I talk to him.but my friend kept telling not say any

anything.. I feel she isn't being reasonable... It makes me feel like she is looking out for herself even though she felt the need to tell me... I ended up telling him and we talked it out and he said he was really sorry.. so I told her I told him and all she wanted to know if he was mad at her and if he was going to say something to her brother-in-law...ahhhh

Answer 1

If you don't want to get into trouble for telling secrets, then don't tell.
So she shouldn't have told you if she wasn't going to let you do something about it.
Sometimes secrets are better left unsaid.
Once they come out, they do have to be dealt with.
I don't think you did anything wrong.
And yes I do think she was only looking out for herself. If she didn't want anything said about it....she shouldn't have said anything.
Come on you are all adults, like you said, these things need to be talked out. That's called communicating. That's a big factor in a relationship.
If you don't want to get into trouble for something you said, then you shouldn't have said it :)

Answer 2

For you not to say anything is a joke because obviously its bugging you enough to look for answers here. Yes it sounds high school like but these stupid games tend to haunt us here and there.

The question should be is this guy worth it to make something out of it? DO you want to be with someone who talks BS behind your back? For one the story could have been misinterpreted through the chain of people the information passed. This guy could have meant something else altogether. Either way the only way to find that out is to ask and I think you should.

Just tell him "rumor has it you feel/said so and so". See how he reacts and take it from there and remember you do not have to give up your source even he starts trying to trace it back. If he didn't say it he would laugh it off and say you were making up **** and not try to trace it back to himself.

Answer 3

If you say anything, you will betray your friends trust. However, something needs to be said. Just keep it in mind what was said but do not betray your friend. If you do, then not only will she not trust you, but she may turn on you and not tell you anything else. You didn't say what was said about you, so it is hard to determine what to do about it. Whatever was said, wait a while and ask your bf how he feels about the topic of what was said about you. Then tell him that you think he is not being truthful if he lies to you. This will take care of the matter without betraying your friends trust.

Answer 4

If I were you I speak my peice because I'm sure if you went to your friend with something like that she'd confront the person. You're right when you say you can talk to people without getting nasty. Do what you think is right so you can feel better or end the friendship with the person who said something about you.

Answer 5

try to forget about it, especially if you guys are in a long-term relationship. i hear things that my bf (of 6 years, also late twenties) has done and I will save it up for someday important. Also if I let him know that i know if will stop my communication from getting information in the first place. if it was serious thing, like adultery or something then I would confront him.

Answer 6

if its that bad she shouldnt have told you and expected you to not say anything....ask her if she could do the same in return....she you told her something her husband said about her....

I think you have every right to talk it out with him. I do however think that before you talk it out with him you talk to the brother in law and let him know you are going to stir up trouble...maybe even get his take on the story so you can say you heard it direct from the source....then just handle it calm and cooly with the guy....if hes saying negative things about you it was either misinterpreted or hes not worth your time....

good luck!!

Answer 7

I think that all of this baggage is way too far down the line to be taken seriously.

You don't know for sure anything was said.

Don't believe things that you don't hear direct.

I also think that best friend should have kept her mouth shut, it was none of her business one way or the other.

Answer 8

Forget the "he said, she said" stuff. Talk to him. If your friend gets mad, she'll get over it. You need to clear the air. The mature thing to do is to just talk it out with him.