My husband asked me for a divorce and I absolutly dont want one. He says there is no hope of reconcilation.?

Question

I feel hopeless, sad, and question my worthiness over the last 14 years. He said that something was always missing between us and I deserve to find someone who will love me. I remember all the good times and can't believe that he was never in love with me; however, that is what he said. We did mostly get married because I was pregnant, but I really thought that we had love between us. How do you move on from here? It's so sad and painful and I cant figure out how I can focus on work and my life while being so miserable.

Answer 1

I am so sorry. Let him go, and try to move on. It will take some time, but you must realize, IT IS NOT YOU!!!!!! Keep being the best person you can be, start a new hobbie, join a group, club or a gym, meet some new people....You deserve better than that and deserve to be loved!!! Don't forget that sweetie. Please don't try to get him to stay! Let him go....Good luck love.

Answer 2

If it can help you my bestfriend went through the same thing 8 years ago. She was married for 13 years and her husband came home one night and told her that he was leaving her. He said that he had never really loved her but that he married her because his family really did like her and he wanted to please everybody. She was heartbroken just like you are right now. She coudn't believe what was happening and it got much worst after he left, she found out he had been cheating on her and she had $13000 of debts from house payment and bills that he hadn't made the last few months.
He also left her with 3 children, 12, 10 and 2 years old.
She just didn't understand what happened and begged him for the longest time to come back.
After a year of being sad and trying to get back on her feet, she finally did. She paid all the debts and kept the house, she met someone else that was actually very good to her and her kids and a year later she got married again.
So don't despair. Your life with him wasn't for nothing. And don't start questionning what you are worth. Just because he doesn't love you anymore, doesn't mean that you're worthless. At leas look at it that way, he is honest enough to tell you the truth and actually he might be doing you a favor. I'm sure that once the hurt and heart ache has subside, you might actually find someone who will love you the way you deserve to be love. And maybe just maybe you need to look at life for yourself and wonder what it is that you want for you and you alone. LIfe is not so bad when you're by yourself. Just look ahead and be proud that you were there for him for 14 years.
I wish you the best of luck

Answer 3

Well I've never been married but I've been with my b/f for sometime now and all of a sudden he's moving away in a year. I really don't know what to do right now.

All i can say is that obviously he lost intrest and you still love him but you can't force love on someone.

What he should have done was not marry you just because you got pregnant. Thats not right!

He should of just been there for your child.

From here, I know it hurts but either you leave or he leaves. Then figure out with custody and all that other stuff.

Think of it this way, my parents fight all the time and I couldn't stand it! I wanted to run away at times. I always yelled at my parents for yelling at eachother, which made it no better.

You don't want your child to have to deal with a family that is not happy. I still wish to this day that my parents wou divorce.
And I don't even live home anymore!

I hope this could help you out a little or give you ome insight of whats best.

Always think of the children and whats best for them!

Alisha

Answer 4

Are you two still living in the same home or has he moved elsewhere? Sometimes is takes a break away from one another, to see your true feelings for that person; especially after 14 year of marriage. Sometimes, it just becomes a habit. It becomes routine. You start to feel as if your spouse is not the person you wanted to spend your life with and you decide to move on. This leaves the other one feeling lousy and they start to examine themselves.

You may have been pregnant when you married, but 14 years is a long time to stay with someone you don't love?! Again, sometimes when you are living together you don't appreciate what the other one does. If you are still living in the same home, I suggest a trial separation. Don't go after him, let him come to you - even if it is eating you up inside. Let him see what you were to him and maybe he will come to his senses and come back to you. Don't let him know your every move, keep him guessing, keep him curious. Sometimes you can't see what is right in front of you. And if he does not come around, it will be easier to go ahead with a divorce if you have already maintained two separated residences and time apart.............If he doesn't come around, I hope you find a wonderful person to fill that void in your life.....best of luck to you!

Answer 5

He's got another woman, plain and simple and I would simply go out and buy Jennifer Holliday or Hudson's song "And I'm telling you I'm not going" and blast it all over the house. Sounds like I'm making light of you situation, but trust me I'm not, marriage is a serious commitment and the nerve of these men thinking they can just change their mind and after 14 years ~ oh, hells bells no! Don't question your worthiness at all he's the one with the issue not you! Start to focus more on yourself, exude confidence, buy a new wardrobe, new hairdo, tone up that body. You may also want to get Patti Labelle's song "New Attitude" also, blast that one too. In short fight for whats your, you've spent 14 years training him, why let some other woman receive the fruits of your labor? Good luck!

Answer 6

i am so very sorry for you, it can be more painful than a death - because this person chose to leave you.

i think he could have left without telling you that something was always missing, ...i think that is a pain you could have done without, so i am sorry for that, also.

i have suffered a similar situation, and i can tell you from experience not to throw your life now into your children. because it will not be your own life and a year or two from now you will wonder why it is still so hard, because it will be if you do that.

it sounds so simple for so much heartache, but i urge you to take a class....like pottery, something you can let your emotions pour into, and you will feel your creativity level increase - it will lead you to other things that will develop into the "you" that you are. strong and capable enough of going on to better things and finding someone who will love you for you.

in the long run, he did you a favor.

it may take a year or two to get where you need to be after mourning this loss,...but you're worth it. take your time. you can do it.

Answer 7

Be glad that he let you know now and not more years down the road. He is right you know, you do deserve to find someone that loves you!!

I would suggest seeing a counselor to build your self-esteem and self-worth. It may take a while to get past this rock in the road, however you will and your life as well as your child's life will benefit with the change, if you set your mind to it!!

I wouldn't look for a new relationship anytime soon, but you never know what will come your way, when you least expect it!!

Good luck!! : )

Answer 8

I am so sorry you're going through this!

I wish there was an easy answer for you.

If he is determined to leave you cannot keep him, but it is strange that he is being so cruel. Maybe he feels guilty about something, but feels this is the best way to make it up to you?

You are NOT worthless!! I suggest you two go to some counseling, or at least that you go on your own to try to work through this. It may not save the marriage, but at least you will have dealt with the issues and be able to move on.

You have to find that strength in you to keep going. Let your boss know what's going on so he/she will understand if your work isn't what it usually is. Focus on your child. Get yourself a good attorney and don't let him take advantage of you.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 9

14 years is an absolutely long time to have been deceived by someone who pretended to love you. However, you are going to have to do yourself a favor and stand up for the people in your life who really matter: yourself and your child.
Remember, you could have been with this lying cheating man twice the amount of time you have already been with him and the same thing would eventually happen. Cut your losses and understand that if he can walk away from 14 years in a relationship that easily, whoever he is going to be with after leaving you, stands the chance of having the same problem with him: insincerity and a lack of commitment to the relationship. Being with someone who does not love you will not increase your self-esteem. You MUST get involved with other people and activities who will support you for who you are and cast him aside, for good. Sometimes professional personal counseling can also help you to overcome a personal sense of loss.

Answer 10

If he wants one, I'd say to give it to him. Unfortunately if you love him, you should respect his wishes. It's really, really hard, and I feel bad that your heart was into it while his wasn't.
He must have thought it over. If you weren't in a heated argument and it wasn't a harsh slip of the tongue, he's been thinking of it for a while.
How to move on? I'd say your friends will really become your friends now. They'll help you through. Your family will back you, and I'm sure he won't do anything deliberately mean, considering how you felt things were good.
I wish you the best and hope you can find the strength to let go. But It doesn't seem right for only one person to hold the relationship.

Answer 11

When you first met you both enjoyed each others company and got married.

Now after 14 years the candle flickers, but it won't flicker with another mate.

The problem that occurs is when both of you have a need to refresh your love and sometimes it's hard to do when he has found fault in you or vice versa.

Once a Man makes up his mind that he has no more desire in his wife you have to ask a question?????

What was it that he wanted from you to begin with and why did it take 14 years for him to find out he doesn't want it????


If a Man falls for a Woman and finds out after he gets married that it's not what he wants like I did, you figure it out in less than 30 days not 14 years.

Now it is hard as hell especially with children involved...it's a nigtmare for him mainly.

On the other hand, people tend to grwo up and mature after the fact, but the fact still remains he married you and must face the responsibility especially for the children and if he wants to leave and support his children I will back him up on that because it gives you the chance to find a love that your children need to see and grow up with. When kids see their parents argue that does them no good and the grow up being insensitve.
If you must divorce then do so and find a loving husband that will love you for who you are and at the same time do yourself a favor to you and your children...keep your head up high for in this world we can dig ourself a pit deeper than you realize before it's too late and takes a life time to get out of.