My husband is very controlling, to the point where I am not allowed to talk to people, or wear clothes that aren't big as a tent, or allowed to go see my sister.... How would you go about making change in this situation?
2007-07-23 04:26:38 · 23 answers · asked by passionofchaos 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The way to change the situation is to accept that he is who he is and will continue to feel insecure and therefore angry when you live your life the way you want. However, with this acceptance, accept also that those are his problems and not yours. Give him sympathy, by all means. Tell him you're sorry that he feels badly. Then, go ahead and do what you want to do. Talk to people. Dress as sexy as you want. Go see your sister. Understand in advance that he will be angry, but just let him have his tantrum like a spoiled child while you stand back like a mature adult. Don't get sucked into his tantrum, remain calm and go about making the choices you want to make for yourself. Repeat, repeat, repeat, "It makes me sad to see that you feel so insecure about this, but I am an adult and I will make choices for myself however I see fit." Say it calmly, lovingly, and, especially, firmly.
2007-07-23 04:38:46 · answer #1 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you are married, does not mean you'redead. You are still a human being as well as an individual. Sounds like your husband has issues. Either he's cheating on you or he is very insecure. Best thing for you to do is GET OUT!!! As time goes on he'll get more controlling and eventually end up physically abusing you. I don't know you personally, but I'm sure you're a good person and you deserve better. Someone who will treat you with the respect that I'm sure you deserve.
2007-07-23 04:33:05 · answer #2 · answered by g8rfan4u 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is sad about this is that he was probably like this the whole relationship before u got married and u still married him..God ! why do we fall for this kind of men...
Ur gonna come to a point in which u just can't take it anymore and u'll make a decision on your own. it doesn;t matter what anyone says if u still want the relationship u'll try to keep it whatever it takes, nevertheless is not worth it when u aren't allowed to be free like any human being deserves ... It's your choice, Good luck..
2007-07-23 08:14:27 · answer #3 · answered by Haidee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to talk it out first. So much of stuff like that is just a misunderstanding. Maybe he's afraid your going to cheat and doesn't know how to prevent that. Maybe he doesn't believe you're going out to visit your sister, or thinks your sister will try to set you up with someone else.
Start inviting him with you everywhere you go. He probably won't want you to dress in something big as a tent if you're going out with him. You have to build trust first. Especially if his parents divorced or one of them cheated he may be very likely to suspect you of the same.
2007-07-23 04:32:53 · answer #4 · answered by Unknown.... 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would get a divorce. He either hid his true personality very well or you just didn't see the signs. He is never going to change because he needs that control in his life. You are better off with someone who will treat you with respect and let you make your own decisions.
2007-07-23 08:32:24 · answer #5 · answered by hazeleyes1279 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All Men are controlling.....If you leave you will find another one.....that is worse than the one you have........
You need to look into yourself and ask yourself these questions......
1. Who was controlling in your house as a child?
2. Is my sister for my good in my relationship with my husband or does she bad mouth him?
Usually a woman will pick a man that is controlling when her dad was the controlling one.....we pick our dads it is sick but true.
If a man feels threatened he will distance himself from the threat and will make it hard for you to have a relationship with the threat.....
I have a feeling you are a second maybe a third wife to this man.......the women he married left him and he is insecure and feels threatened when you look good to other men......He wants you to be seen But not Seen......does this make sense?
2007-07-23 04:39:20 · answer #6 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to him about it, and make him realize that you are not his property and that you guys are life partners 50/50 and everything is not one way or the other, it is supposed to be a compromise, and you didn't know that when people married, the wife was supposed to be the property of the husband, or you wouldn't have gotten into it. Talk to him about it, see if he is at least willing to try not to be controlling.
2007-07-23 04:33:23 · answer #7 · answered by doo doo head 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Divorce. How can you lead a happy life when your main support system makes you unhappy. And if you are unhappy then you can't make your children happy (if you have or plan to have any). Ive learned that you cant change controlling men, they may say they'll change but they never do. Leave him and liberate yourself and live your life to the fullest.
2007-07-23 04:45:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I left him....I had to lose a lot of myself to get him to let me go, but he finally did at least to the point that he didn't harass me. Though he tried....so long as there was nothing good about me he didn't want me. It wasn't easy...I nearly lost it to the point of suicide sometimes...but I had to continue...and he was such a good manipulator I was afraid to go any other route. And talking to him did absolutely no good, just made things worse...he could justify his actions, all the while put you down so low that you didn't want to come back up. People shouldn't live like that...any man who makes such demands on his wife has some serious f'd up issues within himself.
2007-07-23 04:34:37 · answer #9 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him to treat you with respect as an individual. Help him to know he can trust your love for him. Try to understand why he's worried, why he feels the need to control and help him to get past those fears.
If he can't do that, then you have to decide whether you want to continue living *your life* like that.
2007-07-23 04:56:05 · answer #10 · answered by Maureen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋