Is this marriage doomed?

Question

My wife and I have been married for 11 months now and we are fight a lot. We are finding it very difficult to continue to live together. We fight over many things and argue a lot. My wife falsely accuses me that I am doing things on purpose to break this marraige and get a divorce. But I am not! When we fought
before, I would try to get advice from my mom on what to do. She called me immature that I can't handle the situation myself. About 4 months ago we came to know that she has PCOS, and that she might need fertility treatment in case we decide to have kids. I wanted to get family advice on what to do about this. I even suggested that she could talk to her own mom about this. She refused to involve other in our marriage. I have stopped trying to get advice from others now. She made me promise that neither of us should involve others, even if we decide to get a divorce, it should be decided between us. Which I totally agree. She has always been very illogical and unreasonable.

She has become more so after she got the promise from me. She goes away places and does not tell me where she is. She says she doesn’t want to come back. She threatens me by saying that she will not return home and that she will also not tell me where she is. The doctor has told her not to consume alcohol while she is under medication for PCOS. She doesn’t usually drink alcohol, but when we are in a fight, she starts drinking and trying to emotionally blackmail me. She says she wants to see if I care enough to stop her. She pops in Tylenol just to make it appear that I am ill-treating her. She breaks this at home. She has broken my laptop. When she is upset she throws anything that she can lay her hand on. She has spilled food on the carpet, and she tears up photos. After all this, she still accuses me of trying to break the marriage. Last night she said she will let me know in two months if she wants to continue to live with me or not. She doesn’t work and is looking for a job.

What do I do to let her know that it is she who is trying to break this marriage?

Answer 1

This is where you have to live up to the part where you promised for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. Because it sounds as if she's sick. There is at least addiction problems even if she isn't frequently drinking. You need to talk to a counselor for both of you.

God bless.

Answer 2

Please don't ignore what I'm saying.

You are living with an abusive spouse. Just because you are a man, doesn't mean that you cannot be the victim of spousal abuse. One of the most classic signs of an abusive spouse is isolation. By forcing you to not contact your family, especially when this has always been your pattern, she is beginning on what will be a very long road for you. Her behavior is controlling and abusive, you have to see that this is not normal behavior. The fact that she won't talk to her own family makes me think that they already know exactly what she is like. Look back and see if you didn't see these signs before, she didn't just start doing this one day.

If she did, then you need to get her to a doctor right away. If this is sudden behavior, she may be having a reaction to her medication or worse a brain tumor that has changed her behavior. But that's pretty unlikely.

Call your parents, tell them what is going on. You probably need to get out to protect yourself. If you don't do anything else with my advice, please talk to your folks. You're in trouble and you need to seek help.

Answer 3

Do NOT have a child with this woman! You are asking for years of trouble if you get trapped in a marriage with a woman that is this unstable and immature. You must work out your problems BEFORE bringing a child into this world. If you don't, you will end up divorcing down the line and will be trapped in child custody battles with this woman for the next 18 years or more.

Answer 4

It sounds like your wife may have some underlying mental/emotional health problems. You should try to get her to seek professional help. If she can get some of those issues straightened out, your marriage may become a more positive one. Also, going to a marriage counselor may be good. That way, you can talk about some of the issues you are having and you'll have an unbiased view of what may work for the two of you.

Answer 5

Damn! A woman like that looking for an employer? Good luck with that! I would imagine that during an argument, she will follow you to what ever room that you go to, right? I can only tell you what I would do. I would set up a video camera somewhere that she cannot see it and when you feel an argument is about to take place go and turn it on. Next when the argument is in full swing, I would just walk into that room and let the camera catch it all. When she calms down, let her see how she is seen by others.

Answer 6

She sounds like a complete loony.

Looks like you guys need a mediator, a marriage counselor who can help you two work on your problems. You both have to be willing to work on the relationship. I cannot be done by just one person working. If she is not willing, then it is she who is breaking up the marriage.

I would advise you to NOT have children with this woman. If she is as unstable in real life as she appears in your post; she is not adult enough to parent a child.

Answer 7

You need to file for a divorce. You obviously are not compatible. She is right in that it is not your entire families business what goes on in your marriage. They do not need to know that your having difficulty having a child, nor do they need to know about the fighting. Say it with me..." It is NOT their business"
Having said that it appears your wife is having some serious emotional issues and should try to sit down and talk to someone. The next time she threatens to leave and not come back, let her. She is acting like a child determined to get his or her way. Let her leave if that is what she wishes to do. You may also want to tell her that she needs to do whatever she needs to in order to make herself happy.

Answer 8

File for divorce. This is not normal for the first year of marriage. AT the very least get a legal separation and see how it goes.

Answer 9

Oh my - that is a tough situation. The only thing I can suggest is marriage counseling - ASAP. I wish you the best of luck. Hang in there.

Answer 10

Your an over-talker. You sound immature and getting advice from Mommy? Yah. Thats mature. You both sound like you have stict "rules" and are both unwilling to bend and manipulate those rules. Bad marraige. From this I can see nothing poitive. But thats just me.