ok, for 3 yrs i have been friends with this guy and he was cool....like till i asked him to move in..then he admitted having a kid 7 yrs ago with a girl who doesn't let him see the kid, he doesn't know if it's his. he refuses to deal with that. he promises to do better, like do his part, helping pay bills, rent, a real job. he expects me to do for him and be about him and take care of him! it's unfair! he is sleeping with me, we use condoms but wants a kid with me. hello? he has no money saved, he gets weird when i spend time with my girlfriend {WE LIVE A POLY/GF/BF LIFESTYLE} he spouts to me good things but never comes through. promises. i just feel dissapointed, and he just is a good friend but he really has no intrest in maintaining a relationship and now i am just irritated and upset after taking his word. i took his commitment to this relationship seriously and now i feel let down. what do i do? we have talked and nothing changes, he even got up in my face several times too. help
2007-07-23 03:15:12 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i live a poly lifestyle and my gf and this guy all made a commitment to each other....just clarifying that we are all in this together equally..so i thought.....
2007-07-23 03:29:57 · update #1
sounds like he's really just not serious about eing with you... he may be if you didnt have a girl friend, i dunno maybe he's feeling intimidated. but if hes trying to get you pregnant, run girl.
Because somehow I have a feeling there is more to the story about him not being able to see his kid than you know.
find a guy that is willing contribute and share in your lifestyle and not get weirded out. Men tend to get freaked at the thought that a girl can be more pleasing to their girlfriend than they are...
I'd tell him how its going to be if e wants to remainwith you and if he doesnt comply... then its time to move on.
2007-07-23 03:24:19 · answer #1 · answered by cawfeebeanz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Poly relationships mostly fail because of the assumptions made. You assumed he was committing to the relationship while completely ignoring his history and his actions. No where do I see anything but lip service. You need counseling if you expect this relationship to survive, or find a poly support group. My personal opinion from many years of dealing with poly situations is that he was looking for a cool free ride and never was on board. The three of you need to outline your goals for the relationship. My guess is that he doesn't have any. Get counseling, but most likely you need to get rid of him.
2007-07-23 10:36:21 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How on earth can you expect him to be exactly what you want from him and to be committed when you have already stated what your life style is with the other girlfriend? I agree that the guy is not quite the ideal man for you and that he has a few problems, but to be quite honest, I think that you need to maybe let go of him if you are indeed involved with another woman. Or am I reading this right? If I am, then you have no right to expect him to be 100% faithful to you while you have another partner. As far as children with him? Forget that or you are asking for yet more problems.
2007-07-23 10:27:16 · answer #3 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say, "He has no interest in maintaining a relationship." In other words, he's fine as long as you take care of everything. If that's OK with you, then you have no problem. I just don't see how you find it tolerable for your relationship to be so one-sided. My recommendation to you is to make him move out. Date if you want, but he should have to pay for the dates. There is no point in you treating this relationship more maturely than he is treating it. It looks to me like you are trying to make something out of a relationship that consists of nothing on the male's part, and that doesn't usually work too well, unless you are a masochist.
2007-07-23 10:26:59 · answer #4 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, c'mon, Jane.
You know what a "user" is, right? It's the guy we're talking about. He obviously has a track record of using people. Odds are he's not going to change any time soon (if ever).
Why would you want to support a loser like this? Talk is cheap. Promises are cheap.
I realize you've been with him for 3 years, but can you personally afford to continue this?
Do what you know you need to do. Good luck.
2007-07-23 10:30:41 · answer #5 · answered by boomerdude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to tell him good bye and move on to someone that will not only do his part, but keep his word and act like a man. This guy sounds like a leech and a leech is just a blood sucking parasite that will stay with it's host as long as there is a good supply of blood. When the supply stops, the leech will drop off. Your so called boyfriend is just like that, if you cut off his supply, he will take off for someone else that is willing to support his lazy selfish ways. Give him the boot and show him the door.
2007-07-23 11:40:50 · answer #6 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he wants to be taken care of and you are doing that. Also he gets to sleep with you. You are being used...sorry. Yo need to stand up and say no more. No more money no more food no more nothing. He is not a real man....sorry He should be doing his part in the relationship and, paying bills! You need to ask him to leave till his decides he is going to grow up.
2007-07-23 10:23:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him he needs to move back to hs mom and let her take care of him because you cant and dont want to do it anymore.tell him you are not a maid or mom to him or any guy.tell him you are happy when you are with your friends and that isnt going to stop.tell him when he gets on with his life,is stable and knows what he wants ,to have a good time and be good to his new women,because it wont be you.if you are scared of how he will act have some friends including guys in the other room when you are kicking him out.he wont be to brave then.you can even get some pepper spray to keep in your pocket for when you are alone so you will feel safer.be sure to get a dead bolt added to your doors so he cant walk back in when everyone is gone.
2007-07-23 10:37:18 · answer #8 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I strongly suggest you do not have a child at this time; especially with this "man." He is not mature enough to be a parent (he's not being a parent to his seven year old).
If I were you, I'd drop that loser (the male) and keep the girlfriend. He's not a good man.
2007-07-23 11:11:56 · answer #9 · answered by krinkn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sooo, the question is, why is he still in your house???s You need this drama or you would have told him to leave a long time ago. He won't change. The decision is your. I think you want him to keep you dangling this way or you would do something about the situation. Please NO MORE Sex with him. Do everyone a favor.
2007-07-23 10:22:15 · answer #10 · answered by HamTownGal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋