bored with marriage?

Question

Has anybody ever felt as though they're making a huge mistake, by continuing to be married just for the kids sake really? That's how i'm beginning to feel lately, when he's home at the weekends, we seem to pi$$ each other off, and usually end up rowing, usually over something really stupid. This weekend was horrendous, now i'm beginning to think is it fair on anyone. We have discussed separating, but the house is in joint names, and wer'e both refusing to budge, so the viciuos circle just goes on and on..........

Answer 1

Why not try to get some counseling. If there is something that is annoying or frustrating you both about spending time together, communicate about it. Talk to one another.

"We're both refusing to budge..." shows a lot of what the problem is. Both of you are worried about trying to win this marriage instead of work together as partners for the sake of the family.

It doesn't have to be a visious circle. It just has to be a loving partnership where you work together to understand why you're both angry and how to straighten it out.

Answer 2

Why not take some of that energy and instead of arguing, actually work on making things better?
Sounds like things have been building up for quite some time. Do you resent having all the responsibility for the kids? That would contribute to this feeling - and that is something that can be fixed.
People usually know what's bothering them... it's not boredom. If you you're so damned bored, have fun as a family and your kids will thank you for it. Take a vacation, go skating together, have a picnic, go to a sports event. Etc., etc.
Boredom isn't the problem. It's the things simmering beneath the surface. It won't be fair to anyone if you stay together, you say? It won't be fair to anyone if you split apart without making a sincere effort (not just going through the motions).
The truest words I've ever heard spoken about a marriage breaking up were about how both partners are so 'different' with their new dates and their new relationships. And then they think about what they are doing and realize that if they had put that effort into their marriage, they'd probably still be married, not divorced with custody arguments and hurt feelings.
My husband would probably be a much tidier housemate with his 'new wife' and I'd make more of an effort not to shout during arguments with my 'new husband.'
But if we both were tidier and calmer now, there wouldn't be those conflicts. (Note: we aren't contemplating divorce.)

Answer 3

If you really both wanted to end it, it would be finished by now. The house is an excuse and so its the 'kids sake' thing. In the end, marriages to through peaks and troughs and yours is in a permanent tough at the moment as you have both made up your minds it aint working - so why the reluctance to sort it all out? It must be working on some level! If you feel you don't love him anymore and could never love him ever again then its time for you to take the intiative and talk turkey and get the marriage ended once and for all. If you feel there is a glimmer of hope, the sit the man down, tell him you love him and want to make the marriage work - ask him for his commitment to help make it happen. If he agrees then work your proverbials off and see where it takes you. If he doesn't want to then you force the end.

Answer 4

I felt the same way while my 2 daughters were growing up. I stayed for them. Now my wife and I are on friendly terms but on sex so I just pay the bills and hope to get somee some day. You should consult som legal advice I think you'll wind up stying where you are at least until the kids are 18 and then probably sell the house and take 1/2 each. He will have to continue to pay all that he is paying now until then. The best thing would be if you just became passive and refuse to get in a argument especially if he is home only on weekends. Don't have any more children.
Good luck

Answer 5

You sound like you're living the same life as I have!
I was married for 16 years, I gave everything to my marriage, forgave the affairs, the debts, the arguments etc, because I didn't want it to look like I'd given up. He upsticks and moved us, ok only 2 miles across town, but away from mine and the kids social circles, then he joined the Police as a Special and spends every god given hours out of the house, and what few precious hours are spent in the house, he's so knackered that he spends his time yelling at the kids for being themselves, (he has actualy repressed our son quite considerably now).
In February I decided to book a much needed family holiday for this summer. March this year my friends decided that we were going away for the weekend (just me and the kids with them), and later I have found out that they were concerned for my emotional wellbeing. While I was away I realised that my 16 year marriage was not only over, but well and truely dead and burried. On my return I cancelled the holiday and I told him that I couldn't live like this any longer, and he admitted that despite numerous conversations about trying to change, nothing had, so we should call it a day. How relieved do I feel!!!!!!!!
I admit that we are all still living in the same damn house (been up for sale since January and it's not budging), but we both acknowledge that the marriage is well and truely over. As soon as this place sells we are moving into our own seperate houses and the kids will come back into their own and blossom again.
The house is just bricks and mortar - both of you sell up and have a fresh start, it's not worth staying together to be miserable, and just think of what you're both doing to the kids!
I'm 40 at the end of this year ... they say that life begins at 40, and by god mine will and I can't wait!!!!!
Good luck. x

Answer 6

Stop staying married for the sake of the kids, and start staying married because you love each other. Stop fighting on the weekends -- instead, plan something enjoyable for the two of you to do with the kids. During the week, pick one night to be a date night in which you can go out and just enjoy each other's company. Some evening, give him a shoulder massage while he's watching TV. Slip an "I love you" note into his pocket before he leaves for work so that he finds it later. Occasionally send him an email while he's at work, or a text message, that says, "Missing you," or something of the sort.

Just as negativity can snowball, so too can positive gestures. The two of you can turn this around if you choose to.

Answer 7

The question here is "Do you love him?" Answer that questions honestly and you have your answer. Sometimes we feel confined in our situations that we have created for ourselves. I don't believe in staying together for the sake of the children, it will do more damage to them in the end. If you are unhappy, your children will be unhappy, if you are happy, your children will be happy. Try counseling, listening to each other with a mediator can work wonders. I would first try talking to each other, alone, try to see what the problem actually is, are you bored in your marriage, do you still love each other, etc. If you can't figure it out, at least agree that you disagree and see an attorney together. Sell the house, it doesn't matter joint or not, and move on. The more amicable your dissolution is, the better for both of you and your children. Good Luck.

Answer 8

Sometimes marriage does get boring, but it's how you handle it that counts. I warn you not to be tempted to find excitement in someone else, work on what you have. I would suggest that you both take separate vacations to have some time to think alone and rest. Hopefully the absence will make hearts grow fonder. Then take a trip together, without the kids, and rekindle what you once had. Good Luck!!

Answer 9

Bored poeple are usually boring people.Your wasting life not living it.U know enough to ask this on a pc,research your area for thimgs to do. Ur children are probably bored too .Have your mate give some imput on fun things.I can stay busy with interesting things 24/7.Even working on the yard together with water fights is a blast.Another man won't change this stick in the mud feeling. UR what u make of your self.Look exciting you'll feel the same. Notch it up ur a big girl mommy can't entertain u now.
Make memories for ur children besides fighting.

Answer 10

If u really cant find a way through this then maybe u should call it a day. As far as the kids go staying together for their sake really is not the way to go. My child made me realise how sad she had been when after taking the plunge to end a marraige she said ' it's so nice to see you smile, you never smiled with daddy did you?' I realised at that point how unhappy she had been even though I thought I had hid it well. I dont regret my decision to end the marraige and I am now happier than ever as is my daughter. I'm not saying it has been easy but our emotional happiness far outwieghs any of the financial difficulties we faced.