During primary school this lad used to hang out with me and my group of friends which were all girls. I thought this was a bit strange and he also seemed very camp! We're still friends now but he hangs out with another bunch of girls at school. Ever since i met him i was determined for him to admit he was gay cos i could just tell! Recently we got closer and i started to change my mind even though he was still showing elements of him being gay. But the other week he came out but i found out off a friend and now i'm confused why he didn't tell me first! Anways i told him that i knew the other day and he seemed happy with his sexuality and i was so happy for him and i asked him why he didn't tell me - cos we told each other most things - but he blanked me and talked about something else.
2007-07-23 00:05:06 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
That sounds like me at elementary school... Don't be upset that he didn't come out to you. My best friends now don't even know.. well, nobody knows, but I am sure they're probably questioning. One day, one of my good friends (who is a girl) came out to me and she told me she was Bi. She confided in me. She told me before she told anyone else. I'm still not ready to come out yet, I'm trying to figure out who I am. She was ready to come out. I wanted to just tell her right then, but I couldn't, even though I knew she would accept me for who I really am. He was probably kind PO'd that you tried to out him, because nobody wants to be outed.
2007-07-23 00:46:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he didn't tell you because as you say you were so determined that you wanted him to admit he was gay. He may not have known if he could fully trust you. Nobody likes to be outed by another person, it is up to the individual to decide whether they want to come out or not. It is great if he is happy with his sexuality, but there is always an element of the unknown - you can't know for sure how friends & family are going to react. It can be quite a scary time. Don't feel upset that he trusted the other friend before you, just be there as a supportive friend now & don't be too pushy about the subject. He may be finding things harder to deal with than you realise. I am 30 & I am out to most people (as a lesbian) but things aren't always easy & I'd never want to be outed by someone else as I feel that is my choice.
2007-07-23 02:45:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe your friend did not do this to hurt you but to protect the friendship.
Coming out is a hard thing to do and you never know how the other person will react.
I think your friend cherished the friendship so much that he opted to admit to someone that he well did not care about like that.
And I bet he also knew this friend would tell you what he admitted to her, and then he could see if there was any change in your attitude. If so then he could admit it or find another way of making you understand.
Either way I think he did this to protect you and the friendship don't be so hard on him. Allow him to make the decision on what is the right time to tell you.
2007-07-23 03:02:20 · answer #3 · answered by ♥PirplePashn♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's really close to you, as in a best friend or sister sort of relationship, you could have been the most difficult person to tell.
Its like when most people come out to their parents, they usually tell others first.
He was probably trying to figure out how you would react because he didn't want to loose you as a friend :)
2007-07-23 00:08:53 · answer #4 · answered by KittensN'Muffins 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Its not easy coming out, its also harder coming out to those closest to you because you actually care about what they think. Your friend is going through so much at the moment his head is probably all over the place give him time and space and your un conditional support he'll come round.
2007-07-23 00:43:45 · answer #5 · answered by mhairi_ann 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, he JUST now is finally coming out. This is still new to even him and is still uncomfortable with all of it. Society doesn't exactly open there arms to this. Give him time and carefully and subtly try to open him up to you, reassuring him that you except and love him for who he is...and that his sexual preference isn't what is important to you, he is important to you.
2007-07-23 00:11:04 · answer #6 · answered by kys 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't need to explain this to anyone, It must be a hard enough thing to do as it is, just be a good friend now, thats all that matters.
2007-07-23 00:08:28 · answer #7 · answered by james h 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
maybe you said some thing against gays in the past, which he hasn,t forgot and he treasured your friendship so much he was afraid what you would think ,
2007-07-23 00:13:22 · answer #8 · answered by M_E 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is wrong but do not allow personal matters.
jtm
2007-07-23 00:08:29 · answer #9 · answered by Jesus M 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To be honest with you Denise, people who behave like you are really annoying and even threatening to gays. I am not trying to insult you but gay people need to find their comfort zone before they can come out. When someone constantly puts pressure on them all sorts of concerns are raised. The main concern is can I really trust this person. Naturally a gay person in your friends position would ask this question because a lot can be at stake before coming out. You may have been his friend for a long time but your constant harrassing rightfully causes alarm.
I had a friend who used to do the same thing to me. Even though I have been out to pretty much all of the new people in my life, she still doesn't have confirmation from me. In college I was best freinds with the hottest guy on campus and we were both arguably the most popular guys on campus with girls. My friend like him but he never paid her much attention and to cope with that she started harrassing me and inquiring about a romance between the two of us. I kept denying it because that was the truth and she kept insiting that I was gay. Long story short, he and I had some issues that created a distance, I went to visit her one evening and she began asking me about him and telling me just how much closer they have gotten and that he keeps asking her out. She was so thrilled with herself for delivering this news to me and I was livid, I stayed calm and wishes her the best and let that be that because I knew that he would not be interested in her at all but she showed me how much of a backstabber she could really be. I was madly in love with him. She didn't know it but she knew just how close we were. She constantly told me that she could see how much he loves me. She would repeatedly say it daily. If the tables were turned, I would have never tried to insert myself in a situation like that because I would not want to hurt one of my friends. However, she proved herself to be dangerous friend in spite of constantly declaring that she is a f@g-h@g and that she could be trusted. Needless to say, I never trusted her with my true identity and I am glad that when it it was a question of the unknown, I chose self-preservation because it would have hurt me a lot more and I come out to her and she told me about how much closer she and my other friend had become.
Coming out is not easy. I have had several friends that I was really close with, I then came out later and even though they said they were cool with it, many of those relationships do not exist anymore or are really strained. Gays have to be careful of people looking for leverage and when people act the way that you and and constantly insist that soemone is gay, then it becomes clear that you are looking for some power in that knowledge. Your friend probably came out to someone else who proved to be trust worthy but also was willing to let him come out when he was ready. My best friend would ask me periodically but it was never a, "you're gay and I know it," situation. She would ask, I would say no and she would be like, "ok. just so you know, its ok with me if you are." When I finally told her, she had the greatest response in the world which wasn't, "I knew it." She said, "great! I am so glad that we can now talk about boys." She let me come out on my own terms and did not try to force me. This is a right that all gay people should have that you were trying to take away from your friend. I really hope this helps! ☻
2007-07-23 03:35:28 · answer #10 · answered by rksu747 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋