Strange sort of disorder. Anyone know a name for it? This guy works for people for free, let's them pile on extra work for no charge. Always helping someone do something to the point where it seems to me is just being used. I asked him about it and he d=said he would feel guilty if he didn't help them. Dozens of people that just call him to help move furniture, fix their cars, do there yard work and he never has time for himself. Says he would feel guilty if someone called him to help overhaul there engine all day long for free and he said "no, I'm going to the lake today". it seems he would rather give up any and all personal enjoyment to simply 'be there for people', yet he is unhappy because he has nothing, no time for girlfriends or anything for himself.
2007-07-22 20:50:35 · 6 answers · asked by sleepnaked916 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
i think he needs to find balance in his life.
2007-07-22 20:58:03 · answer #1 · answered by Rainstar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a few ideas.. It goes on for a while.. as i typed, more ideas came to me. there may be some meandering, but it may give you some ideas to think about.
1) maybe it's not guilt.
from what you've said, he sounds very lonely. maybe deep down he is afraid people won't like him if he doesn't help them.. does he have a need to feel needed or wanted? Everyone wants to feel they belong somewhere. If this is a consideration, he needs to look at how he's trying to meet this need. Maybe he could look at an occupation that helps people. It may even be a job where he feels like his contribution is important. It may be becoming part of a sports team?
Being at everyones disposal may make him feel needed , but as you have seen, they don't respect him for it, and from what you say, it doesn't make him friends. ASK him... what do you think will happen if you don't help them.? What will be the consequences.? don't accept the answer "i'll feel guilty" because that's not a consequence... make him focus on what will happen to the people wanting his help if he says no.. .. Will the world end if he says no? get him t work through it logically. get him to start questioning his thought processes. It sounds like he's working from an emotional viewpoint.
or
2) If it is actually guilt, ask him to try and figure out why this feeling is happening.. It may to have been triggered by something in his past.. Has he had this behaviour since he was a child, or did it start in adolescence or adulthood?
If it was from childhood, did his parents use guilt trips to get him to do things? Did he 'not' help someone once and something bad happen? Get him to logically work through the question "what am i feeling guilty about? what do i think will happen if i say no?"
3) does he have any interests? maybe if he joined a hobby club, where there are people around him with similar interests. this way, he could meet people who aren't chasing him for something. just good company?
I hope this helps somehow and if nothing else gives you some other ideas to consider.
LEE
2007-07-23 05:06:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
do something good for him... for a change... you need not do all the chores he is making but probably the best thing that you could do as a friend is make him feel appreciated and maybe somehow he would develop to see that same self worth that you see in him. thats what my friends did about me, they always complain why i try to do so many things for others even if they did little or nothing... now i know that the best thing one can do to others is help them develop their potentials it may be just a lawn mowing task, fixing a car or something... let him know that even the Bible says NOT TO GIVE THEM FISH BUT INSTEAD TEACH THEM HOW TO FISH! good luck to you and your friend. i hope he doesnt tire to do good things to others and i hope that he learns to take care of himself too!
2007-07-23 04:19:36 · answer #3 · answered by myschkinkinkin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not a disorder, but he has some serious self esteem problems. He needs everyone to like him.
2007-07-23 04:00:14 · answer #4 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he sounds like a pleaser. i find myself doing that same thing. the only bad thing about that is - that people realize and usually take advantage of people like that.
i think everyone should help out - but also have their boundaries. help your self - then help others. you cant always put others first.
i sounds like a sweet person, but please speak to him about setting boundaries and priorotising. will these people drop everything and help him if he needed help ?
2007-07-23 03:56:29 · answer #5 · answered by Kendi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just like people have an addiction to drugs, well you have an addiction to please!
2007-07-23 04:18:04 · answer #6 · answered by JESSICA G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋