I point out things (like gambling) and tell him he needs to own up to his responsibilites and be a man, (which means paying bills) and he gets mad and throws me around, choking me, throwing me agianst walls, almost hitting my face but restraining himself, he is beating me up with out hitting me. I dont know what to do. I am so hurt, and I know everyone will say leave him but I love him and I want to find a way to help him if I can, if I cant I will leave, I dont have a choice right ?
2007-07-22 20:24:57 · 32 answers · asked by thea 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Unless being beaten and choked is your kink you're being abused and should call the police to lock that S.O.B. up.
Reading further I think it's great that you love him and want to help him but this is a high risk situation that could prove deadly to you, if you still want to help him read on.
Help can only be given when you admit you have a problem, your husband has a problem and needs help. He should first admit that he has a problem and then seek help. The first problem is he's very aggressive, that just screams "Anger Management Class."
Next is his issue with gambling I don't know where you live but search for a gambler's anonymous helpline. They can provide the counseling he'll need to kick the gambling habit.
I left the link for gamblers anonymous but couldn't find a link for anger management. A local therapist should be able to help you with that. I wish you luck in dealing with your husband and hope that you'll be safe on the long road ahead for the both of you.
2007-07-22 20:57:04 · answer #1 · answered by sierrajames1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently men don't like to be shown the righ path on Earth.Your problem seems to be with gambling. Isn't his violent attitude induced by too much drinking as well ?
When proved wrong and cornered men react violently putting the blame on their wives. An easy way for evading responsability for their acts.
Mine can be violent when he has a few glasses of wine. Of course, he denies being an alchoholic saying a glass or two is of no consequence.He is not aware of how he is behaving when under the influence of alchohol.He says I am mad fancying things.
The sad conclusion is that I have not been able to make him change all through my wedded life.I do hope you will have more chance, but I really doubt it.
My advice is for you to keep a safe way out of the situation in case of need.Being financially independent, by instance.
2007-07-22 20:40:07 · answer #2 · answered by Miss Bo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
GET OUT.
This guy will end up killing you. Call the cops and hire an attorney.
You may "think" you love him, but you are just attracted to the packaging. What's inside the box is what counts.
Put it to you this way. If you kicked his (butt) would he still be around? Next time he chokes you, kick him in the gonads. I highly doubt his first words will be "I love you."
If you value your life get out of the house and the relationship now. Let him mend his ways on his own. If you still love him after 6 months of treatment (ACTUAL TREATMENT, YOU MUST WITNESS IT - NOT JUST HIM SAYING HE'S BEEN THERE).He obviously has more baggage than a 747 on it's way cross-country, so bail out while you can.
Get out and find someone that doesn't need to choke you to say I love you. Call your local womans shelter, or 911. IF he's beatining or beaten you lately, call 911 AND PRESS CHARGES!!!
This guy deserves to go to prison!!!
Go find yourself someone who loves and cares about you and does not treat you like dirt!! Grab your car keys and purse and leave now!! If you have or will have kids, this willonly teach them that violence is the means to solve problems and the boys will think that that is how they treat women, and the girls will think that is how they are supposed to be treated!! get them out too if they are in the house!!
YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-07-22 20:37:50 · answer #3 · answered by ripperdear6766 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to his family and your family tell them what is going on. If you really want to get him help. Let them know what's going on and try to get everyone together and have an intervention. Maybe get him some anger-managment classes. That's about all you can do but tell him that until he gets his life straightened out you can't live in the same house as him. I hope you can get things taken care of if not I really hope that you leave. No man is worth taken a beating for. I know.
2007-07-22 20:36:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE... no one should have to take physical and emotional abuse. It will only get WORSE. How can you love him when you don't even love yourself enough to understand that you do not deserve to be beaten. If you truly love him, leave... refuse to come back until he gets some help/therapy and can reasonably prove that this will not happen again.
I got out of a relationship strictly because of the verbal & emotional abuse. I'm OK now... OK may not be as good as happy, but OK is better than miserable all the time.
2007-07-22 20:30:55 · answer #5 · answered by Princess Leia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love nim - he, apparently, loves gambling and has an addiction. He also has anger issues.
You can stand by him until he eventually does outright hit you, but your undying love and commitment isn't what will ultimately help him. He has to first of all, realize he's got serious problems, and that he's got to get help. Your helping only makes him angry.
You really need to step back and go away for awhile. Get someone you both know and trust to try and get him some help. But you need to remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible, before you get really injured or worse.
God bless.
2007-07-22 20:31:36 · answer #6 · answered by anonevyl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well with that kind of person, you never know when they may snap, and go all out seriously injuring or killing you.
I say you should ignor him for a week or two. make him talk to you, but without you saying anything to him.
I have a feeling that he is an alchoalic? If he is ever sober suggest a anger Managment class, or somthing. It's tough im just trying to give you ideas.
If all else fails, leave him. THeres not much else.
2007-07-22 20:30:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave him with no choice. Either he gets help or you leave permanently. You both need counseling. He needs to find out why he does this. You need to find out how to handle him better. He is not going to want to go to counseling unless you leave him with no choice. In the meantime, you need to see to your own safety. Which may mean leaving him or have a room in which you can go and be able to lock him out until he calms down. Maybe you can at least in a vehicle until he calms down. Set some ground rules for fighting which of course would include no physical violence. I am telling you all this because you don't want to leave. But I fear for your safety and honey, I hope you know what you are doing by staying. Thiis is my way of answering. Hope it helps.
2007-07-22 20:40:50 · answer #8 · answered by The PENsive Insomniac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are enabling his behavior, express to him, dont complain, nag and put blame just tell him hows hes hurt you and how you feel and then leave, i know it sounds harsh but you have got to move on even if its temp and when he gets better let him be by himself for a while before you give it another go if thats whats in the cards for you two- good luck in the meantime focus on you
2007-07-22 21:48:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it is how you are presenting the problem and if he is drunk when you are nagging him about reality. You are about to get beat up so I would suggest that you pack a bag, take your kids and go somewhere safe. You need someone to help you professionally becase this is not going to get any better. You can control your life but you arent ever in control of someone elses.
2007-07-22 20:34:58 · answer #10 · answered by Mary 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋