My daughter wont speak to me..Am I a good parent??

Question

She was thinking about cars for me to buy her( I personally dont see anything wrong for buying a car for her). She really wants a Beamer or a Mustang. I told her that I didnt want her to get cars that were too expensive or cars too new. I want her to experience driving with a used or cheap under 16,000. I do have to pay for insurance as well. Im thinking of a Volkswagon or Toyota. She wont budge, and I personally believe she is acting like a spoiled brat who isnt grateful for what she gets.
She's lucky to get a car(THAT I BOUGHT)at all. She's been watching too much Fresh Prince or Bel-Air...

I snapped at her for being ungrateful and she started to yell at me....what the heck! Why is yelling at me?! I am BUYING the car!

I think Im doing the right thing by not letting her choose the car yet....am I? I dont want her to be mad at me, but sometimes, her insensitivity pushes me to the boiling point.

what can I do to teach her a lesson?

yeah, that would teach her a lesson. If she wants the highway, its my way//

thanks for the answers, a job is just what she needs, maybe then she'll realize the weight of buying a car.

why would i pay for the gas? that's her decision, not mine, and as for paying for the insurance, i'll wait to see how her grades are keeping up and if her attitude will maybe change.

Answer 1

I think she needs a serious reality check. I would suggest you do a little father daughter volunteer work. Habitat for Humanity is good, outreach to the elderly, the humane society, woup kitchen, and a youth group. Not only will she realize how good she has it but you will both be helping people who are desperately in need of help and I'm sure in the end you will both feel so much better for doing it. I really think that if she wants a car she should pay for it. If she is over 16 let her get a job and work for her car. I don't feel you as the parent should have to pay for insurance or gas either. Since she obviously can't be grateful she should be independant. It's about time she realizes there is a lot more outside the doors of high school and soon she will be a part of that world and it won't matter how impressed her friends are with what car she drives or what clothes she wears. It will only matter that she can pay her bills on time, maintain a job, and be willing to make sacrifices. You already pay for her to live in your house, use your water, use your electricity, you pay to keep her clothed, to make sure she gets to school for a good education, and you pay to keep her healthy. I think you are being more than generous in buying her any car. You are in no way being a bad parent she is just being a spoiled brat and probably excpects you to treat her like some popular girl at schools parents treat their daughter. Trust me when she is 23 like me she will be glad you didn't spoil her. Just some FYI one of my sisters friends drove two corvettes that her parents paid for into the water before she was 19 so I completely understand why you don't want to pay for an expensive car. Good luck!

Answer 2

Don't panic. You are doing the right thing by choosing the car for her. If you are buying it, then it is your decision. You didn't mention her age, but I'm assuming that she is very young. You are the parent and have every right to put your foot down. As far as teaching her a lesson... I think buying her a cheaper car will do just fine. She will be so glad to have her own, that she will forget about it not being a Beamer and see how silly it was to throw a fit.

BTW... I can't afford to buy my kids anything over $1500 when they turn 16. I'll take the car if she doesn't want it. ;)

Good luck and keep up the good parenting.

Answer 3

well how about compromising a little, tell her she can get any brand she wants, but no convertibles, nothing over 15000, etc. She could actually get a new KIA spectra for that my dad just bought one for 14000 a couple months ago (for himself)and they are really cool cars and they get great gas millage. The car I got when I turned 17 (didnt get my licence till then) was a 8yo dodge spirit it cost my dad 300 but you know what I loved that dang car lol I actually cried when it finally had to go to car heven (after 2 motors and god only knows what else lol) you are doing fine as a parent, since you are buying it you should have a good deal of say in what kind of car she gets, but there is nothing wrong with making her think she has some say as well, have you thought about making her earn some of the money to buy the car? even if it's just a few hundred or a thousand, if she has to earn it she will apreciate it more, my dad would have done this but I had alot of medical problems at the time and couldnt work.
god luck.

Answer 4

I hope your making her pay for at least half of the car...the insurance and all the gas!

If she is a good student and into sports or school activities you could help her out with the insurance (maybe pay half) or the gas...but if she has bad grades and a bad attitude get her a bus pass.

Your not doing her any real favors by just handing her everything she wants, she has to work for it or she will never appreciate it...or you.

Your her Dad, not her best friend. Who cares if she is mad at you because you wont buy her a Beamer.

Answer 5

16,000 dollars is a lot for a teenagers first car. they are unexperienced drivers. In the area I am from, the kids that bought their own cars took better care of them and were barely in accidents compared to the kids that got a car bought for them. I think because we actually worked to get the job instead of having it handed to us. If you still want to buy her the car, go for something really cheap. i'm not saying like falling apart but obviosuly if you are paying for it, then you should choose what you want. If she was buying it, it would be a totally different story. Even if she pays half, you have a little say in it on price. Don't let her get her way because then she will think she will always get her way.

Answer 6

My own car is not worth $16,000.00 Why on earth would anyone buy a new inexperienced driver a really nice car, when the likelihood of then thrashing it is astronomically high?

Do like my parents did. They made me buy my own, and I really diapered that thing. They gave my brother a new truck, and it spent more time in the body shop, than on the road. By that time, I had 2 cars. One for great mileage, and the other for dating just plain looking cool with. I worked and paid for the gas, insurance, and all. When my brother wrecked his truck the third time, my dad MADE me loan him my cool car. He immediately ripped the clutch out of it and left it sitting right where it broke down. He did not even offer to help me fix it, or help pay for it. To this very day, I will not loan my brother my car.

The moral of this story is, let her buy her own car. Maybe she will appreciate it more since she will need to get a job to support the car.

My son would not drive the first car I bought for him (1990 Mercury Cougar). It was not a cool car like I own. It sat in the driveway for about a month before I gave it to my niece, who was quite pleased to get it.

BTW, I am the youngest of the kids in my family.

Answer 7

Look dawg it's a fad that can't be avoided and you can just say "i won't buy the thing if ya keep acting up" but that might make you a lil more distant. So ya should go to her room and talk to her and on the weekend when she isn't doing anything. Help her compromise till you both can agree.

P.S. go to Wal Mart and grab a Used car paper and look for a Sapphire 02 Mustang for 14 grand if ya in the Tallahassee FL area

Answer 8

wow she is lucky you are buying her any car at all. perhaps she is use to always getting what she wants and now is mad when it isnt working for her now? there is no point in a teenager having an expensive car she will prob. get in at least one accident . tell her if she doesnt want a toyota she doesnt have to she doesnt need a car at all . when she realizes she will not be getting an expensive car she should be happy to have a toyota unless she is very spoiled. do not budge on this issue or she will never learn the importance of a dollar. shes prob watched to much my sweet 16 show on mtv. if she continues to missbehave tell her she can have a car for $5,000 or less

Answer 9

I'm 19, and when I turned 16 the deal was that if I got a job, then my dad would get the loan for me. I have to pay the car payment, gas and half the insurance. I got a really nice cavalier for $5700. it doesnt have to be new to be nice. I look at my friends that didn't have to pay anything and I respect my car alot more and take better care of it.

Answer 10

Sounds like she is spoiled to me. Personally I would tell her she is not getting the car and she can go out and get a job and purchase her own and pay her own insurance. That will also teach her the value of money and respect!