My husband is very insecure, he won't admit it but he is clingy, jealouse and possesive. So I know he has low self esteem. He is a public image, use to play NFL, now he plays arena, motivational speaker, personal trainer and well respected in the community. I think he is an over acheiver, when things don't go his way he is a wreak. Well I think he already knew he doesn't please me. Well the other night, we got in a huge fight because of his accusations and insults that I told him he does not please me and he don't know how to have sex with me etc. He said he was leaving and I just wanted him to go too. We have been having trouble for a while but I feel like crap for telling him that. Now I think he is going to hate me, we sent each other some ugly emails this week and I did also apolergize for my words. It been over for a while so I'm good, I'm just concern about him, I know he already have a low self image now I said something that I know devastated him. How would feel?
2007-07-22 17:49:23 · 16 answers · asked by Smile 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Holy hangups Batman. It's so hard to see the best in someone when they are so obsessed with seeing the worst.
A relationship is about two people moving forward together, if either of you needs to change to accomplish this, sadly it won't work.
If you want to stay with him, and I think you do, you're going to have to be patient and relaxed. If he gets jealous about you talking to another guy, don't apologize! Reassure. If he's being clingy, pull back, again with reassurance that you will come back, you just need some alone time.
In the bedroom: the key is again, reassurance, mixed with some practical. Have you ever masturbated with him? Bring yourself off with him there. Then add his hand. Then his mouth, then his...you get the idea. Show him what pleases you, don't just lie there unsatisfied! Likely self esteem issues will ease up once he has more confidence in the bedroom. Guys worry less when they are getting laid regularly. Likely another cause for the bedroom conflict is his insecurity telling him you can get another guy to do this better. Just remember to reassure.
Last note: You're no ones freakin punching bag or cheerleader. You promised to love and honor and so did he. Make sure the street isn't one way.
2007-07-22 18:01:48 · answer #1 · answered by Katherine Says... 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would feel perty shitty if my husband told me that I wasn't pleasing him. You don't tell your spouse that-it's just wrong. That doesn't help with his self-esteem, either. You didn't have to say that...When your man isn't pleasing you it may mean:
1. He may not be that experienced.
2. He just doesn't care how you feel-which rarely is the case between husband and wife.
3. He doesn't know how to please you.
Have you ever thought of telling him or better yet showing him how. Most men don't know what they're doing when it comes to pleasing a woman. I had to literally show my husband. (He thought that playing with the man in the boat was so powerful until he met me.) But seriously, if you don't show them-they'll never know...And all of us are different...So, you went the wrong way about it. I think you should apologize for the remark, and explain to him exactly what you meant....
2007-07-22 17:59:24 · answer #2 · answered by Ericka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Clingy, possessive, and jealous doesn't always mean low self esteem. It can also mean controlling, like you said if things don't go his way he is a wreak. Since you have apologized already, I would drop it. You don't have to bring it up again, just get on with the divorce and your life. Good Luck.
2007-07-22 17:58:31 · answer #3 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like many atheletes this child has never grown up. Anyone who throws a fit whenever you disagree with him is a little boy demanding his baby bottle.
If you love him this is going to take a lot of work. You must find the happy medium between confrontation and concession. Gently inform him that his behavior is unacceptable and that if he wants to stay with you he has to work on changing.
Find the book 'Love and Respect' by Emerson Eggerichs.
It will define and tell both of you how to communicate.
Another good book on marital communications is 'Crucial Conversations' by Kerry Patterson, et.al.
Do all things in love.
2007-07-22 18:01:14 · answer #4 · answered by wroockee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thing to do is reconcile, not with sex right away because that might remind him of the insult, but something he loves. When the mood is right again, simply do unto him and ask that he does the same for you. Give to him what you like, and I'm sure if you play an excellent game of shadow he will follow in kind.
2007-07-22 17:54:21 · answer #5 · answered by Alivana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well hon, he is YOUR husband, so how approximately speaking to him approximately it???!! Like, uncover out what is on his brain. Jeez, make an effort, finally he's your husband and it's your marriage. A well begin might be getting off the pc and spending a while with him, huh..... trace trace....
2016-09-05 15:47:34 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a hard one.. you need to not bring it up unless you are in the bedroom. Guys like to think they are doing things right and even if you say it nicely they think you are saying they suck at sex, which isn't at all true. You need to just let him know while you are in the midst of it.... tell him," I really love it when you do this.." and so on, or move his hands or whatever to where you want them. Guys HATE to be criticized in the bedroom, so make sure you arent doing that but that you are just helping him. And when he does do it right make sure you praise him over and over and he will always do it right after that.
2007-07-22 17:56:39 · answer #7 · answered by meeeeeeeee2681 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would appreciate your honesty and try to make improvements in myself. I would not take it the way you said that he took but if you know it has been over for sometime then you should not be feeling bad for telling the truth and one day he will understand that as well
2007-07-22 18:14:21 · answer #8 · answered by billc4u 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not pleased in bed that is your fault not his.
All women are different and he can't read your mind.
You need to tell him exactly what you need to be pleased in the bedroom.
As far as throwing that at him in an argument... you're right.. that sucked!! talk it over, be honest and take responsibility for not communicating your needs.
2007-07-22 17:59:02 · answer #9 · answered by Bentley 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to physically show him what to do but not in like a instructor like way. First of all you two have to make up and whenever you decide to make love again just show him what to do. You don't even have to talk just use motion, he'll get it (if not than he really needs help)
2007-07-22 19:33:51 · answer #10 · answered by likewhoa88 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋