How can I fix my husband's attitude problem?

Question

My husband loves me, there is NO issue there. He is a VERY argumentative & disagreeable person. He always has to be right & if he even thinks that he is right then YOU are wrong. He always disagree's with everything I say & sometimes makes me feel stupid by doing so (not intentionally I dont think). He rarely does anything nice for me & when I complain about this he says oh i was 'going' to do this for you soon your just too impatient.. blah blah blah. He used to worship the ground I walk on until we got engaged. At least then I had a kind of happy medium. I put up with his attitude, he treated me like gold.... He doesn't care about the little things that annoy me because i 'shouldn't' be upset by them. When we fight I want to be around him less & less & find it hard to be civil. How can I fix this because I can't spend the rest of my life fighting with my husband.

No Children.

I know it sounds like I am ONLY focussing on his problems & don't have any faults of my own but I am fully aware that I am not perfect. I feel that I may be nasty to him when he treats me like that & thats probably bad as two wrongs don't make a right. I just feel that I shouldn't have to put up with being treated that way. I already had an emotionally abusive relationship (which is is totally aware of as we were really good friends before getting together). Grrrr!

Answer 1

My guess is he has no idea that you feel this way. It sounds like he hasn't thought about how you feel in a long time.
Does he enjoy his work? Does he have a job where he feels his talents and experience are not being used properly? It sound like he's got some self esteem issues, like he has an unusual need to show that he's right all the time. I dunno....typical cocktail pshychiatry.

ANYWAY..... you guys need to talk about this. If you can't get his attention, you may have to do something drastic. I think before you move out, you should go ahead and schedule a session with a marraige counsellor for both of you. Tell him when it is. When the time comes, go, even if he doesn't. After you talk to someone in person, who you can give more detail to, you might have an idea of what to do. Leave as a last resort and then only to get his attention.

After you've done all that, and if things don't get better, it may be time to leave him. If you have kids, everything changes, but you didn't say.

I get so sad by some of the situations I read about here. Yours is one of them. Good luck, lady. I hope you can get through to him. Marraige should be a great thing.

Answer 2

He's got you where he wants you and doesn't think you will leave. make yourself less available, have plans, have a career, go back to school if you haven't finished... do things that enrich your life that don't include him, and maybe he'll wise up. If anyone else does something nice for you praise it to high heaven (Like having a friend send you flowers or something) That really gets in my boyfriends head. He'll start with the "I was going to get you something but...." and I'll counter with "And I was going to sleep with you but...." :)

It seems its all an act when you are dating, and the act wears thinner and thinner as you get closer until the true nature is revealed. I'd love to be married, and sadly I only began to feel this way after realizing my boyfriend wouldn't fit the bill at all...
We started living together, and just about every gesture and thing that started the relationship was dropped, despite the fact that I work more hours, cook, clean, workout and buy new underthings often, buy him clothes, cologne, etc.... but none of that can fix the fact that I'm just a starter girlfriend for him, and things probably wont work out. I feel like I'm one of those creepy older ladies that dates a highschooler even though we are the same age.

Answer 3

It looks like you're in another emotionally abusive relationship. What to do. What to do. Well, you know you can't fix it because you couldn't fix he other one. He has to recognize and accept his problem and want to change. If not, I'm afraid you'll be looking for number 3. Be more careful next time.

Answer 4

You have to realize that you cannot "fix" him, all you can do is change the way you react to his behavior. Complaining about his never doing nice things for you is not the way to get him to start either.
I have 2 suggestions. The first is to remember back to childhood Sunday School (if you went). There's a lesson taught called the Golden Rule, and it says to "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." In other words, treat others the way you'd like to be treated. If you want someone to treat you nicely, the easiest way to make that happen is to do nice things for him/her.
The 2nd suggestion would be couples therapy, or marriage counseling. You do need to get over the notion that your husband is going to change, because he won't. I'd be willing to bet that prior to your marriage, he acted pretty much the same way he acts now, you were just alot more willing to tolerate it then. Counseling can help both of you--and might be an impetus to get him to realize he does need to change that behavior. But he's the only one who can do it, you cannot do it for him, nor can you make him do it.
Good luck to you both.

Answer 5

If you feed the man thing then that is the position of the person that caters to it. You cannot change an mans attitude he has to do that. Unfortunately, there are a lot of bumps and bruises that he will encounter in that humbling. Once humbling has passed and you have stood beside him and helped with his wounds and allowed him to heal you will see the change of attitude and you will still be the object of his praise. Nothing is instant and a man in transition with his man thing is brutal and a good woman that stands beside him till the smoke clears is worth her weight in gold and they usually celebrate many wedding anniversaries. Anyone can desert another but the teams that win are the ones that realize the importance of helping a partner even if the dilemma does not involve them. Real team mates are hard to find because they do not understand or want to. Remember anything that you put into something will yeild that back to you with benefits if you stick it out. True for both sexes not just as described.

Answer 6

Let's put a label on this...it's emotional abuse. There is no excuse for it and no reason you should have to put up with it. You have to show him that you aren't taking it anymore. Tell him to stop the emotional abuse, or you will be out of there. It will probably only get worse if you don't put your foot down now. Perhaps you might mention marital therapy? Good luck to you. Hope you find happiness.

Answer 7

Conflict or anger itself does not have to cause an irreparable rift between partners. With good communication skills and a shared commitment to a marriage, even these are surmountable. How to save your marriage https://tr.im/PYygb

However, at that point where one partner is at the brink of abandoning the relationship, how can the remaining partner save their marriage? If you are at the point where your spouse has asked for a divorce, what can you do?

You must realize first that, you do have a choice. Often, when confronted by a crisis, we find ourselves backed into a corner thinking we have no choice in the matter. How can we change the situation when it involves another person's feelings or decisions? While we cannot, must not and in no way manipulate, blackmail or threaten our partner into changing their mind, we can actually control how we react to the situation. If anything, you must realize that you still have control over yourself. You have the opportunity to look inward and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions and even have the chance to take personal inventory of what your partner is trying to tell you. Are there points in your marriage that must be changed? If so, respond appropriately and proactively.

Answer 8

I'm afraid it is something he has to fix himself. You can never change him, no matter how hard you try. You can only tell him honestly how you feel about his behaviour. If he is not willing to change and you are not able to withstand his attitude, you really should consider a separation. It may do you good in the long run.

Answer 9

I think a cast-iron skillet should do the trick. Just don't hit him too hard, he might think you're trying to kill him. They are considered a deadly weapon in some states but he should get the hint if you hit him on the head and tell him he's being unreasonable. Tell him to let you win an arguement once in a while.

Answer 10

Man, I see YOU never dealt with this, bipolar under control , no one knows, I've had it, run a business, but my husband changed because we tend to be scared easily, and how rewarding, I take care of him, the books, I make good money, take care of him. He knows he can scare me , sounds like yer really one of these husbands, that's the coldest, uncaring thing you could say to a wife in that condition, try doing some homework, you are a jerk