Becoming a parent - should we have to prove ourselves?

Question

Think about it this way, any 'idiot' (as long as they are fertile) can become a parent. Any low down, violent, abuser, child molester, no hoper........... I mean, as long as they can get themselves into that situation with another willing no hoper, they can produce offspring.
What hope does that child have of leading a happy & fulfilling life? What kind of person will that child become?

In an ideal world, should we all have to prove ourselves before we are allowed to bring other people on to this planet? Should we have to prove that we can be good parents to that child & not produce another product of a disfunctional family, for society to pick up the pieces for?

Answer 1

And could you please explain how exactly to determine what a good parent is? We have made it through millions of years just fine and we will continue to make it just fine. What you are proposing is preposterous. The thing is that what entails a "good parent" is really an opinion not facts. Ask 100 people and 100 people will give you 100 different answers. So, to who's standards would we use to come up with a giudeline. The church? the government? you? No way. #1 all churches disagree and it would violate the separation of state and church that allows, ironically enough, so many denominations to exist. Also, there is a page on the bible about being able to stone to death those kids that dare disrespect their parents. The bible is not exactly the best moral guide. Well, it is and it isn't base on who reads it and how its read. #2 the government would be the worst choice ever because government sells to the highest bidders. That is whom ever gets them elected. So the rules would change every 4 month. #3 you. Well, I'm sure I can find many faults to your parenting style when compared to mine as I would expect you to find faults in my system. A system that is based solely on opinion and not on hard facts is not a good system.

Lets humor you for a bit. Lets say there is such a system like getting your license at the DMV. So, you go down to the PAD (parenting aptitude department) hoping to get your license. Well, what happens? Number one is you have to fill out many forms. These forms would allow you to take a written test. Question number one reads, a child is screaming like a madman at the supermarket because he/she wants a toy. a) you spank him, b) you give them a time out in the restroom, c) you go home without buying anything, d) you buy them the toy to keep them quiet e) you try talking sense into the kid. Well there are a couple of good possible answers there but you discount that every kid is different and that some kids may have some condition of some sort. I mean what if the kid has autism or something. Then the test will have to reflec this. In the end the test would not be a good measure of how good a parent is. All it is is one of those just tell me what I want to hear. I mean if people are willing to spent 40,000 or more on artificial ways to get pregnant then it is very conceibable that people who want kids may simply memorise the answers to the test. So the test shows you can memorise thing hurray for that.

Ok, you pass the written test. Now you must pass the practical test. That is you must be tested on how well you handle kids. How would you do that. For this you would have to volunteer a bunch of kids and observe how these kids behave with a stranger that is pretending to be their parents so they can pass a test. Not very realistic and most parents would not exposed their kids to such an experience. What if the person becomes violent or what if the person does unapropriate things? The meaning of innapropiate is also very anbiguous. What exactly does it means varies from person to person. In the end is just not practical to do such a thing.

Another thing you forget is the power of corruption. The guy at the PAD may be against you for some reason so he would try his darn best so that you don't have kids. Why? well, maybe he is racist, or he doesn't like your political views or simply because he can't. Now, the whole cituation becomes unfair. That is some people will have a hard time passing the test and it may not be neccesarily because they may not make good parents. Also, the rich guy who is powerfull and influential would have an easier time to get a licence because he can pay his way for his son to have a child. Just as he can make it difficult for others. What I'm trying to say is that there is simply no way to make such a test difficult and it is very impractical. Lets not even get into basic humans right here.

Another thing that you do not take into consideration is real life. The media and the church as well as various other groups have an ideal of how becoming a parent will work. It goes something like this. The young person forgets all about sex untill they go to college and finished their appropriate degree. At that time they may start dating and find a suitable mate. Only at this point and after their career are well establish should they start considering ahvin kids. This wil gurantee that the kid grows up in a safe enrished envorment. Bull crap I say. The thing is that yes, it does happens this way ocasionally but, in reality it is nowhere near to this. Most of the time kids are not planned. The condom breaks, the girl cheats and you, seh forget the pill I mean many reason. What happens is that most of these people get married right away to cover up. MAybe their second or third kid is planned but usually not he first one. And yes, I bet you can find example of people who do plan. What I'm saying that it goes to show that even people who had "unplanned pregnancies" do become good parents. Some won't. Some would go through all the motions and will never be good parents. There is simply no way to determine that ahead of time. You can never guess who will make a good parent and who won't.

You forget one important thing. People are forged by experience. Life throws things at you right at your face. A lot of times at full force. You then learn to deal with these situations. Parenting is no exception. You learn to deal and handle kids. You learn to be patient, understanding etc etc. Being a parent is not easy. It takes sacrifice, time and plenty of love. Oh! did I mention patience? Look at it this way. Books about parenting come out every month. Yet, there is no one book that is correct. If there was then there would be the bible of parenting yet there hasn't been one so far. Not to say that there aren't good books about the subject out there. What I'm saying is that there is more than one way to do it right. Also, you do not count on a persons mental stability. You can never tell how a person will react to stress. How would you test for that? You could make a test that people would prepare for and therefore pass. That does not take into account the surprised pregnancy.

Ok, lets humor you a bit more. The new law is instituted, we have test and what not. So, what exactly do you plan to do with every new pregnancy. I supposed that if you are pregnant and do not have a license you will be force to have an abortion. Another way is that after birth the person must prove that they are worthy. So the kid gets taken away until such time. Your kid would be put in a government funded barely subsidised home that could give two sh it s about your kids. Is the government office for crying out loud. Not exaclty an example of efficiency. The alternative would be privately own. Would you like your kid to be held by some company. How much would they charge before they give your kid back? Just look at the phone company? It simply would not work.

The last thing is that you, like many others are blaming the cause of the problem on the wrong reasons. Ok, so there are kids that did not have a happy childhood. Does this means they will turn out to be criminals? Some will and some won't. You could say the same thing about a good family. Many people that come from good families commit atrocities too. How do you account for those? The thing is that is not entirely about the parent. The problem is that in this country we are loosing the concept of acountability. So, what if your parents where bastards. What if they never bought you a bicycle for chrismas? It still doesn't give you the right to be a bad person. Once you become an adult it is your responsability to be what ever it is you want to become. If you want to become a productive member of society then great!! good for you. If you want to become a murderer then thats too bad. However, if you do decided to become a murderer don't blame it on your parents. Blame it on yourself. your parents are not the ones pulling the trigger or robbing the store you are (the person in question). Now a days we balme everybody except ourself for everything. It was the video games, it was bad parenthood, it was the government, blah blah blah. Is all BULL!!! it is you the person not your friend, not your dog, not the movie but you. You decided to do it you deicided to take that action and therefore all responsability falls on you. No one else. Thats the real root of the problem.

Answer 2

Oh oh oh, that is not an ideal world. Who decides what a good parent is? Some of the greatest people on this planet came from dysfunctional families. I would severely lament a world that only contained one definition of what a parent is and what a "good" childhood should be.

Further, most people learn how to be a parent by becoming a parent. Will you deny someone the chance to become a good parent? I thank God I didn't have to pass your test before I became a parent. The truth is, the kind of test you are talking about would restrict most people from being parents.

You also risk killing any notion of individuality from society with this kind of thinking. You are saying all parents should be alike or perfect? Look up fascism...that's ultimately what this is.

Answer 3

I do agree with you on one thing: you need to make sure you can be a good parent before having a baby; that is a good thing for you to do. But limiting (or in your word, allowed) some people’s parental right is a cruel thing to even thinking about it; very few people is perfect in this would. Parenting is a very personal and difficult learning experience. What is a good parent is a big question; just look at those famous people’s kits like... I better be not to say it at here. I know you may be angry about some parent or some dysfunctional families and people are too hushing on you because you ask question at wrong way. I am sorry that you have not getting any sympathy this time. If you ask about how to help some people become a good parent, you will get lots positive answer. But, it’s ok, I know you mean good and they all mean good. The best thing for you to do is try to be a best parent when you become one. Good luck and take care of yourself and future baby of yours.

Answer 4

I think that's ridiculous. Who decides what is and isn't acceptable to be a good parent? if we did do that, would we adjust the parameters of this "parenthood exam" to account for cultural differences? Do you realize that some of the greatest minds of this country and others, this century and centuries past are the offspring of dysfunctional people who were in NO financial condition to have kids? I agree that, IDEALLY, there should be some way to control the rates at which those who many consider to be cancerous to this society reproduce. But the world is hardly ideal. And frankly, such an invasion of privacy has no place on the soil of this nation, or any other that would call itself a democracy because most people wouldn't stand for it.

Answer 5

It may be a nice idea to some, but would be extremely difficult to do and it would not be very fair. Who would determine what makes a good parent, who would stop people from getting pregnant anyway. There would be so many people wanting to have children that there might be people waiting for years to see if they can have a child. A lot of dysfunctional families got pregnant by accident, how would this "proving yourself idea" stop accidental pregnancies?? Is it right to deny someone the chance of having a child, even if it SEEMS like they might not be a good parent according to someone else's standards?

Answer 6

Yes I wish you had to prove yourself but then what would the standards be. SHould we say that you have to be at a certain income level? Then only rich people can have children, that is not really fair, just because you are not a high income bracket doesn't mean you will be a bad parent. Maybe we should say that you have to be smart. Is that right? How exactly should we prove ourselves. Plus, doesn't proving ourselves go against everything that America stands for.

Answer 7

I would say you should want to be parents before you bring children into this world. But if the child is already here to dysfunctional parents hopefully they will be stronger than there parents and not want that kind of life and hopefully society can see these kind of kids and offer help remember its like living in a village we all help one another.

Answer 8

Who would we prove it to? I think that would be quite impossible. Besides, babies are not always planned. The can be conceived in the heat of a moment on a one night stand. With that being said, and as hard as it is to comprehend, I believe that God makes no mistakes. As wicked as the world is today in the whole scheme of things. there is a master plan and one day it will all come together and we will understand why such horrible things occured and the good that was produced out of them

Answer 9

heres a good one, if you can take care of 5 dogs and 5 cats at all times, without them getting sick or hit by a car and cleaning, brushing them, taking them to appointments, and you can afford to do all of those things for a year, then you could have a child

Answer 10

This is my exact thinking. In my opinion there should be some sort of test. Its one of the few things I think the government should be in controll of. There would be alot less abused children, and alot more steady, and stable adults.