How much should you take from a alcoholic husband?

Question

I have been married a little over 2 yrs. My husband has a drinking problem, and sometimes a a weekend with drinking and cocaine. He only does the cocaine when he is with the wrong people, in the north. We have 2 children and one on the way, he did stop drinking for about 21/2 months. But started drinking a drink a day. Now he is on a family visit out of state and he sounds like he is on a drinking binge and I could tell that at least once he was doing cocaine when he called. He has also called me names and has done damage to my dashboard in my car when he was drunk and upset. He has never laid a hand on me, though sometimes his words hurt just as bad. But when he is not drinking he is a really wonderful guy with the best heart.

Answer 1

get shut of him its time to move on good luck

Answer 2

My husband had problems with drink, he would go missing every few months for days and spend all our money and drink really heavily.
his first marriage broke up, partly as a result of his behaviour.
But he sought the right help and I stuck by him and now we have 2 lovely children, and he is a changed man. He sought psychotherapy which was a cognitive approach which really helped. I found it really hard to get support myself because people have a one track mind with that sort of thing. Follow your heart, you will know the right thing to do. the kids should come first, look at it objectively, and start doing something about it. If your husbanbd wont get help or denies he has a problem then you must consider leaving him. It may be the kick up the bum he needs!!!!
But if he's willing to get help tighten the reigns and makesure he gets the help he needs.
I don't believe people like this are all bad, and the stigma attached to them makes it all the worse. Of course these are some losers out there, but you know your husband. Do what you feel is right, but dont sit back and wait for things to get better

Answer 3

1.- You need to check on ALANON, have you heard about it?
2.- He needs to detox, and rehab, 12 steps and abstinence.
3.- You should check codependency counseling, and domestic violence counseling.

Alcoholims/drug addiction is a disease that is never cured just managed. It will never get better, it can only get worse if he doesnt look for help. You CANT help because you are part of the problem right now.
Justifying the behavior makes it worse and you are not seeing the whole picture or seeing it in perspective.
Can you imagine your future with a person like that?

Your codependency didnt start now, look back in your life. Did you have an abusive or addict parent in your childhood? those patterns are learned and now you learned to tolerate abuse and not know what are your rights and how is to be treated fairly and respected.

It is a long process that requires hard work but is not impossible. Please remember right now, it seems you are part of the problem, do not try to "HELP" on your terms , get professional help. (drug and alcohol counseling). Also any domestic violence counselor can help you understand the magnitude of this problem.

Answer 4

I lived like this for 26 years. You will never change him, he has got to want to change. My ex was a great father and always provided, and because of this, he felt he never really had a problem. When things would get bad, he would promise to stop drinking, would for while and when things would calm down, back to the drinking. Somehow, he always made me feel like the crazy one. I finally had an awakening and decided to leave. One positive thing was that my kids were grown and out of the house. I think maybe that is one of the reasons why I stuck it out, but now that I look back, I probably should have left sooner. I know there were times when he compromised their safety when driving them around after drinking. I am happier now than I have been in a very long time. It was the right thing for me to do. You will know in your heart when it is time to go. Verbal abuse is still abuse.......... I wish the best for you.

Answer 5

Tell him that he should get some help for his alcohol addiction, and have a long conversation about the problems and issues he may have, the roots that could be causing this. Is there a medical history in his family of alcoholics? Once you have sorted out what is causing him to drink e.g. Not happy with work, maybe he has problems with your family or you. then you can both enjoy a happy alcohol-free life together. But i do recommend that he gets help for the addiction to alcohol.

Wish you all the luck.
Rachael xx

Answer 6

Sorry, my father was an alcoholic and it is devastating to the children. Please leave him and start over. If you must leave the country, place that you living in. Sure he is nice when he is sober and probably very sorry for everything he has done. However, you do not know how much damage he is doing to you and your children. Your first responsibility is to protect the children. Sorry, Read Codependent No More by Melody Beaty? Can't remember how to spell her last name but the title of the book is correct, you will see yourself written all over the pages.Good luck

Answer 7

People get drunk and do drugs to run away from their lives. Do you want a man that has to do this? I think that your claim that he has "the best heart" is only your wishful thinking.

Offer to go with him to Alcoholics Anonymous. Join the support group for spouses and children of alcoholics, so that you have support as well, and can be taught how best to help him quit.

Recovery has to be his decision, just like it was his decision that got him addicted to begin with.

I wish you luck. But remember, if you find out you're beating a dead horse, it is always best to just leave and begin your life anew without him dragging you and your kids through the gutter behind him.

Answer 8

Sorry to hear about your situation...

Having kids already is going to make it harder for you, but I'd say move and take the kids with you. If you have family and good friends, this is the time to ask them for help! Get as much money as you can, pack your things and try to take important papers- like passports- with you.

He may be nice when he's sober; but he obviously has both a drinking and a drug problem---and there is NOTHING you can do to help him. HE has to want to stop-no one can do this for him. People like him are manipulative and can severely harm you--in many ways. One of the most harmful ways is to undermine your self-esteem and to make you think you cannot live without him. That is SICK...and very common.


Please think of yourself and your kids now. Both you and they deserve to live in peace, and what you describe is a very stressful and toxic environment...So get out ASAP and break all contact unless he shows you with ACTIONS, not cheap words, that he loves you and is willing to change.

Answer 9

First get yourself into counseling to deal with your alcoholic husband. You are in a very scary situation. You are going to need some coping skills from a professional family therapist who can assist you with your situation. You need to be able to care for yourself and your children, first and foremost and counseling will help. His quitting for 2 1/2 months does not prove anything. He is an addict. Addicts need treatment and you will probably have to convince him of this. Are there any family members or friends you can rely on to help you in getting your husband into a treatment program? Search out your support sources and accept what help they can offer you. Friends, co-workers, community support groups are all people who would be supportive in helping your situation. So take care of you and your kids first.. then you will know how to go about getting your husband the help he needs.

Answer 10

This is hard for me to tell you what to do because you have 3 children...but I just finally left my alcoholic husband after 24 years. We had no children together. I have been kicking myself everyday for not leaving a long time ago. The mental abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, no difference. If he won't get help, I suggest you pick yourself up by your boot straps and gather up the kids and what little respect you have left and get out. Your children should not grow up seeing all that an alcoholic is capable of. It will only get worse..Good luck to you.

Answer 11

He's on a self-destructive path that could end up taking you and the kids with him. Unless he agrees to immediately begin a rehab program and leave the booze and drugs behind forever, if it were me...he'd be history. That's not an environment I'd ever live in again (I was married to an alcoholic long ago) and subjecting children to it is nothing short of abuse.