Help. Without making any judgments (he who is without sin cast the first stone), my husband is an alcoholic and has a friend who is also an alcoholic, 8 years older and broke. This friend goes out with my husband every week after work 3pm-? (my husband usually pays for everything) and then drives him home (drunk driving) and stays over 3-4 nights a week. Sometimes it will start on a Thursday and he won't go home until Monday. I've asked him to not do this anymore....to no avail...he's even gone so far as to say "this ain't your home, blah, blah blah. Am I crazy? Is this normal? Am i being a b__ch? help!
2007-07-22 13:13:37 · 23 answers · asked by mia m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First...WOW...thank you all soooo much for your prompt and thought out responses. I struggled between categories of etiquette or something else but he always tells me that I'm the crazy one ..or I'm the b__ch or rude one. I used to be so strong...an attorney and independent woman but now have Lupas which has ravaged my career, body and confidence. He really has managed to convince me that II'm in the wrong....about so many things.
No, thank God. No children. I would never allow my, (although I don't have any), or anyone else's children to witness this mess.
I guess I'm not completely lost.
Thanks Again!!!
2007-07-22 13:41:26 · update #1
Your husband needs help. You are empowering him to continue his alcoholism. You are allowing his unacceptable behaviour. He shouldnt be going out drinking with his friend every weekend, and the friend should not be staying over at all. Your husband needs to get clean, but whilever he is hanging around another alconolic that will never happen. It appears this friend of your husband is more important than you. It appears alcohol is more important than you....unfortunately the both go together. If he got help for his alcoholism, he wouldnt be hanging around with this other man. If he didnt hang around with this other man then maybe he would get help. There are two against one here and you are in the minority. I dont know how you are going to make this happen because an alcoholic does not have the same values (when drunk) as a person who is not affected by alcohol. He needs to break this destructive cycle and as much as you may not want to do it....maybe you need to give him an ultimatum. Living with an alcoholic and not expecting anything more than whatever he wants to do is not healthy for any relationship. Your husband has to start taking responsibility for his alcoholism. If he took control, then the alcoholic friend would no longer be a problem. Your husband would not want to hang around with an alcoholic. It's the alcohol that is the bond between them....nothing else.
You have to be strong because at the moment your husband is married to the alcohol If you ever want a chance at having a good marriage then he has to get off the alcohol. It wont get better unless you put your foot down. He has to get help otherwise your marriage will not survive.
2007-07-22 13:31:22 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a serious problem here: You are married to an alcoholic. And if he continues to drink and also has a buddy who is a leech, then it's a double-whammy!
Why are you asking this? You have obviously put up with this for some time now, and done nothing about it....
Maybe you need a bunch of strangers to tell you to WAKE UP and start filing for a divorce.....!! This will continue for as long as you allow it to happen.
I hope you don't have any kids.
2007-07-22 13:41:02 · answer #2 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your being very sweet. To sweet. Talk to your husband and tell him again how you feel. If he does not listen or care then you need to ask the person to leave next time he is there. If he won't then call the police. This may sound extreme but it is your house too (when to marry they shall become one). If this keeps up then perhaps its time for marriage counseling. And for sure he needs help with his drinking AA or something similar. I think you just need to be a little less sweet and a little more firm.
2007-07-22 13:22:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would this be normal?
Why are you married to this man? I hope you don't have children. Leave him before he destroys your life, you deserve a more fulfilling satisfying life.
EDITED TO ADD:
So sorry for your misfortune with having Lupas. Now I know you deserve happiness even more. He sounds like a negative and horrible person. I know it may seem scary to leave with your sickness and all and don't know if you'll ever find anyone again but you are better off being alone. No one needs to deal with what you deal with. You only have one life, don't let HIM live it for you.
2007-07-22 13:21:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The moment my husband would say "this ain't your home" I'd be packing up and moving out. Besides I wouldn't get married to an alcoholic to start with
2007-07-22 15:10:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no your not being a bz but your husband has a drinking problem and need help i am a recovery addict and know that he loves you very much probably but his addiction is stronger than anything imaginable try reaching out to his mom or dad to talk to him or if that doesn't work close Friends and there is always A.A. alnon and other support groups that are fabulous for getting people off of drugs
2007-07-22 13:18:46 · answer #6 · answered by Lynn m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should consider a divorce. Your husband has no respect for your feelings. He has already told you is isn't "your home." Talk to a lawyer and find out your rights. This isn't a situation that is going to get better on its own. You deserve better. You deserve a man that will love and respect you. Get going. You aren't getting any younger. Why wait?
2007-07-22 13:18:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
GIRL!!! I'd have to put'em both on the go. He's being selfish and very inconsiderate of your feelings. Not to place blame, because it's certainly not the friends fault, but if the friend would get a life yours would probably get a "little" better.
2007-07-22 13:31:07 · answer #8 · answered by dina197520022000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell the jerk to get out. If your husband gets mad tell him to get an apartment with the jerk and don't come back until he has unloaded his baggage. Get him into an alcoholics anonymous program and straighten him out. You will never fix the fallout problems until you fix the root of the problem first.
2007-07-22 13:20:27 · answer #9 · answered by MJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
advice is a persons judgment hon! good or bad. that being said. You need to put a stop to the situation. If your husband was the one who told you this aint your home, then it isnt you need to leave him. if it was his friend, well thats still reason enough for him to not be there.
2007-07-22 13:22:57 · answer #10 · answered by ebona1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋