Am I to young to get married.?

Question

I'm 20 yrs old and my bf of 2.5 years is 23. Should i marry him or not is my question?..I love him with all my heart and we are always talking about marriage..but i'm just so confused. Currently i'm working and going to college and he is in jail unfortunately.

When i ask people for advice they usually tell me i'm rushing or that he's not right for me. But i know that he's right for me.Mentally i feel i'm ready...so what should i do?

Ok i've seen everyone's answers...but what if i feel there is nothing else better for me...the guys i've met are just like him. He's going to school while in jail and he's trying to get his life on the right path. I currently work for the federal government so i'm financially stable. I haven't even told my mother of my intentions because she isn't very fond of him....what if i choose not to do this and lose out on the "one"??

Answer 1

Sweetie, doesn't the fact that he is in jail raise any alarms?
When you were a little girl and you dreamed about your wedding day, in your mind did it ever include a criminal?
If not then what do you think you are even thinking of?
I know you are a smart young woman and I know that you will not allow yourself to make the biggest mistake of your life!
Do you still want to visit a man behind bars with his confused children asking you when is 'Daddy coming home?'
I hope that this answer has helped to clear the 'confusion' from your mind.
This is a case where the head must rule the heart. You'll find love again. Just not in a jail cell!

Answer 2

you're 20 and you're financially stable? tell me how much you have and i'll tell you if you are really financially ready. why are you so eager to get married when both of you have things going on. you- work and school; him- in jail trying to straighten out his life. does this sound like you guys are ready to get married? i am not saying not to marry this guy because he made a mistake and is now in jail. people change though, which i hope he will for the both of you. give it some time before you rush into marriage. it's good if you think he's the right one for you. how the heck do you think you're going to lose him if you're the one who is working and has the money while he's in jail. do you think he'll let you out his life? be smart. make sure you really deserve this man. you're only 20 and there's still a chance you'll fall in love and get heartbroken many times. but so what, get up, get over it and start over again.

Answer 3

The fact that you are unsure is the reason to wait. He might be the right person, and if he is, you don't want to rush because rushing creates stress and stress can break up even good relationships when you are that young. If he is NOT the right person, you will see it before its too late. Jail does things to people as well. He might not come out the same. If he is in jail, how is he providing? You need to have about 3 months of support saved before you start out. Additionally, marriage is a HUGE adjustment and causes all kinds of stressors that you can't even imagine until you "walk in those shoes".

Many of my friends in high school felt the same way you do..but when they married, they were divorced in a few years...so it is worth it to wait just a little while to save you from a NASTY divorce down the road. Divorces are horrible and are devastating to all involved, especially children. There's nothing harder than to look at your children and know it was YOU who messed up their lives. (been there done that)

You don't mention why he is in jail...don't forget to take that into consideration. What he is now, may not be what he is when he gets out.
There is nothing to be lost from waiting...but everything is at risk if you rush.

Answer 4

Don't you think your plate is full enough? Marriage takes commitment. Your b/f certainly wasn't acting with maturity when he ended up in jail. So many young women think because all their friends are getting married they will end up an old maid if they don't rush and grab the first thing down the pike. OK he might be the right one but you need to know that he will be taking up his responsibilities seriously by getting and keeping a job, supporting your efforts and waiting if necessary. Baby girl you have a life time to be married...but you are only young once. Take the time to smell the roses and see life before you jump into marriage.
Another reason to wait... alot of guys go to jail.. they get out then use the excuse.."they wont hire me cause I got a record"
that's hog wash...he may have to start out at the bottom but if he is willing to work hard and prove himself and stay out of jail at all costs...only then will he be a keeper. There are plenty of good men out there. Just don't look for them in all the wrong places... girlfriends houses, clubs or streets.

Answer 5

If he is in jail, then it seems that his path in life isn't the same as yours. (working and going to school) Now I know, college isn't for everyone but if he is in jail and not able to have a job or get a good job then you will be the one financially supporting the relationship. That is not right!! Whether or not he does, a man should be able to provide for his family. (you and future children) Even if you want to work later on, you don't want to have to rely on two pay checks to just get by.

You are only 20 and in a couple years he may not still be the right guy for you. You don't need him dragging you down in life just because you love him. Unfortunately, love will not keep things going when they get rough.

Wait till you are out of college at least and see how things have changed. Good Luck.

Answer 6

I won't comment on him being in jail because I think you've gotten plenty opinions on that. But what I will tell you is that I married when I was 22 and believe me when I say I was much too young. I should have waited and experienced life more. Take this opportunity to finish college. School is a good place to meet someone you'll be much more compatible with. Travel and have fun. If you're financially stable, buy a home and make some other investments. You're in your 20's, enjoy it and have fun. Then when you're 30, consider marriage. Good Luck!!

Answer 7

Sure he's always talking about marriage. When he gets out of jail (when is that, and why is that, by the way?), he (1)needs a place to be released to; (2) has to find a job and will be relying on you to con your contacts into hiring him; (3) needs someone to take care of him financially(Y-O-U); (4) will need your car, drop you off at work while he pretends to look for a job; (5) needs to be provided meals (as he is now); (6) needs you to dress him; (7) wants to tell the boyz he has a wife with a college degree (his version of self-esteem); (8) will probably repeat the action that led him to jail; (8) can say anything from the confines of his cell; (9) will show you how selfish he really is; and (10) knows you will be there (with all your "compassion" and rationalizing--and so do we.

What is your major? And please don't say psychology/social work, criminal justice, education, or family & consumer sciences.

Answer 8

Marriage isn't really based on the ideas of AGE. Marriage is and should be based on the facts that there is only one person that can give you your true other half. There is no such thing as the Prince Charming fellow or the perfect woman. Gods word tells us: "We all Fall Short of the Glory of God.." That means there is not any one person, male of female that is perfect.
What you must do is concentrate on your education. That and only that is going to secure your future in this world. It is the only thing that you cannot have taken away from you . Secondly you need to get God in your life and let Him give you your other half. Don't let personal expectations and ideas cloud your judgment. Let your bf complete his time and then if its Gods will that you two get together, then go for it.
Once you get married, life as you know it now will change for ever. You will not have the freedom to come and go as you choose. So think hard about your education and if you want the marriage for connivance or for true love.
It one thing to have the hots in the pants cause the guys a cutie. But its another thing to realize that once your married you are committed to your other half for life.

Answer 9

I don't think that you should get married until you are much older. Quite simply because in a couple years from now you won't even recognize yourself. When you're ready to get married you'll know. You won't have to ask anybody. And just because you can do something like get married, doesnt mean you should. You're young, successful, independent and you need to stop holding yourself out for some dude that's in jail ESPECIALLY working for the Fed. If you sit around waiting for this guy to get out of jail and turn his life around, you are just wasting your life. Unfortunately, the recidivism rate is high. He'll probably get locked up again. You need to see what's out there. When he comes out and gets a good job, stays out of of jail, and secures a home for you then he can talk marriage. Dude has nothing to offer you right now. He can't offer you biscuits so don't let him take bread out of your mouth!

Answer 10

Give yourself a chance to meet someone more like you, who's job oriented, not jail oriented. you are afraid you won't meet someone else and want to marry this guy so you will feel good about yourself. You need to marry for the right reasons. You say you are mentally ready to get married, but, in your mind you are thinking of the perfect marriage. Don't block out the reality of this guy being in jail and what kind of baggage will go into your marriage with him. Are you ready to handle that? You need to look into the future. What kind of father would he be to your children? Will he be working in five years or in jail again? What kind of friends does he have? What kind of family does he have? You won't be just marring the man, you marry everything that goes with him, baggage and all. There is no need to jump into a marriage for the sake of getting married. Think it over carefully, and don't make an emotional decision about this. What does this man in jail have to offer to the marriage?