I am in a bit of a dilemma at the moment. My husband went to a buck's night ( bachelor party) saturday night and i found out they had a few topless waitresses walking around them all night and 4 strippers. To me, it was just one big sex party all night. Great, some might say, but how do you actually look at these women? Do they turn you on, and do you compare them to your own wife/partner? Do you think, oh she's got nice ****/bum, wish my wife had those? I refuse to let my husband now see me naked for fear of being compared to the perfection he has already seen. I would really like some honest, truthful answers, as i am not sure if i am being unreasonable or not.
2007-07-22 11:40:07 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, you are doing the WORST thing you could do!
Body confidence is a turn-on more than a perfect body. Your insecurity is going to make him really not be attracted to you.
I've had office jobs, govt jobs and construction jobs and EVERY group of guys had porn around at one time or another so he has ALREADY seen hundreds if not thousands of perfect bodies. NOt to mention the internet...
Yes, there is a tiny bit of arousal at seeing these women, but it's SOOOO much more because of WHAT they are doing than how they look. Most guys would take an average looking woman who is a sexual animal and confident naked than a perfect 10 body...
A woman would say that the guy has to 'reassure you' and not go to strip clubs... but that won't work for a guy... They just become secretive. The moment a guy has to 'reassure you' you have lost a ton of attraction points and he will start noticing confident women all the more... We really do try to keep our focus but imagine a guy who doesn't work and earns no money... it's just natural to not want to be with him... the same goes for a guy in regard to sex...
If you want to lick your wounds and risk loosing him... keep acting like you are... I don't mean to be harsh but I want you to keep your love red hot and for it to last a lifetime.
If you want to secure his attraction to you, fling those clothes off and ravage his body like a starving animal! I bet he would spend 100 times as much time thinking about that wild woman at home rather than the nameless breasts at the strip club.
Here is really how a guys mind works... he will gravitate toward the best sex... and he will overlook a TON of flaws if the sex is the KIND he like and as OFTEN as he likes it... if a guy gets GOOD sex OFTEN enough... 99.999999% of the time... he will chew glass, walk on fire and sell his grandmother just to keep you.
This doesn't not mean you have to do threesomes or let him hurt you during sex... I am talking about variety and consistency... within your limits... but be willing to go as far as you can go toward your limits...
Good looking women sleep around a lot these days. He will get a lot of offers over the years... being neurotically protective will not do you any good. Strengthen your sexual relationship so that when he gets a chance to cheat he wont want to risk loosing such good sex which he will read as 'someone who really loves me', because most men weight the sex long before the love... and sometimes if they are particularly horny and frustrated with sex at home... the love won't matter at all... it will disappear with as the sexual frustration grows. For most men... love and sex are inseparable... if the sex is suffering, the love follows. For women it's the reverse.
I really think God had a sense of humor when he made men and women polar opposites like this... but I think we should just manage it rather than get mad about it.
2007-07-22 12:31:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My answer will be a bit different than the others.
1) Yes, seeing other naked women - likely with good bodies - woudl turn us on?
2) I don't think most guys would go so far as compare a stripper to their wife
3) I do think you are being unreasonable in not letting your husband ever see you naked. But I do think you would be reasonable in telling your husband your opinion that you do not think it appropriate for a married man to be at such an establishment - bachelor party or not.
Those days ended for me when I fell in love with my wife. In part because I found it demeaning to my wife to see other women, and in part because I was a college coach for women's sports and it likely would get me fired.
Though I don't find it a huge deal to go to Hooters or something similar, I think topless or naked crosses a line for me. Your husband may disagree but I do think you should talk it out before it really becomes a big deal.
2007-07-22 12:28:26 · answer #2 · answered by Matt G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't speak for all men, of course, but for me, when I see my wife naked, I always see her more with my heart than with my eyes. She is always the most beautiful woman I have ever known, and it doesn't matter how many different jubbies I see, or under what circumstances. She is always number one.
Also, don't assume because there were topless servers, that they were physically perfect. That is by no means certain to be the case. Nor is it likely that there was a big sex pit in the middle of the floor. Your imagination is running away with you.
Calm down and don't worry so much. You're working yourself up into a lather over nothing. He came home to you, didn't he?
2007-07-22 12:13:22 · answer #3 · answered by rtanys 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being unreasonable. When we go to bachelor party, or other events that have topless waitresses or strippers we don't compare. It's night and day, because it's their job to look hot. How can you compare the two, it's the same for you husbandd and a male stripper. The stripper will always win out because it's his job to stay rock hard all over. In time you and your husban will show signs of getting older. The stripper will never grow old. Well they will but they have to find other jobs, because every year they are forced out by younger, hotter bodies.
2007-07-22 12:03:31 · answer #4 · answered by harold 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, you are being unreasonable by not letting your husband see you naked or giving him any grief over this. On the occasion that I go to a strip club or a bachelor party, or just see a very attractive woman out and about, I'm not thinking "Wow, I sue wish my girlfriend looked like her". It's just a momentary feeling of lust that goes away as fast as it came.There are so many other things that are much more important to a relationship then the physical aspects. I love the conversations I have with my girlfriend. I love my girlfriends sense of humor. I love so many other things about her, in addition to the way she looks. Embrace your husband for all the parts that make up your relationship, including the honesty and devotion he has to you. Sounds like he told you all about the party and didn't mess with any of the women. Those are good things. Good luck!
2007-07-22 12:16:27 · answer #5 · answered by aaron_n_az 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, they do turn us on. Of course we check out all her parts. Once we commit though, we have decided to love and cherish the one we're with regardless of what else is out there. Honestly, how many of us are the most attractive society has to offer anyway? Your feelings are legitimate, but you should get over it at some point and move forward.
2007-07-22 11:53:09 · answer #6 · answered by oogabooga37 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Married men never think of comparing their wives to strippers. Sure they are young and beautiful, but so are hot women in their clothes on the street.
I'll bet he loves to look at your naked body. Why don;t you go buy a garter belt, fishnet stockings and Black CFM pumps and dance forr him at home. Do a pole dance for him and have great sex!
Go fo it hun!
2007-07-22 14:38:39 · answer #7 · answered by Julius4U 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guys look at lots of women like that (Hmm, I wonder what she'd be like in bed. Nice butt. Pretty fair rack). We're kind of wired for it.
But the part of our brain that does the looking doesn't usually connect that to the part of the brain that does the committing and partnering and marrying and staying with someone for life. We may imagine wild sex in some exotic locale with a fantasy pin-up, but that doesn't keep us from wholeheartedly looking forward to coming home to the women we love.
2007-07-22 11:45:17 · answer #8 · answered by palan57 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Chances are youre reading a whole more into this than there really is and are way off base. Most mn would enjoy the moment and leave it at that,and most are mature enough to never compare them to our spouses. It was just a bachelor party and nothing else so let it die or itll tear you apart to analys this.
2007-07-22 11:49:38 · answer #9 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I never think " I wish my wife had those" but yes I look and yes if someone is hot I notice. She does not have to be naked for a guy to fantasy about how she would look if she were. My feeling is looking is okay but touching is not. As long as it stays like that I would not worry too much
2007-07-22 11:45:56 · answer #10 · answered by Love the west 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋