OK, here goes......
Two years ago I found out that my husband was having an emotional affair. There was no sex involved(that I know about). But there was sharing of deep personal things and betrayal and lies, etc. He has asked my forgiveness and claims it has been ended. I am having a hard time trusting him again.
The real problem lies with me. Before this happened, I thought we had the perfect marriage and family. I was content to be a wife and mother. I dressed like a mom. I always wore makeup and looked nice. Now, I have this urge to be sexy and wild. I lost 45lbs. (I wasn't even fat to begin with) I got two tattoos. I bought clothes like I wore in highschool. (short skirts, tube tops etc.) I want to be wild and care free. I want guys to want me. I feel like I am caught between two worlds. I don't know what is wrong with me. I'The woman involved in my husbands affair was the type of woman I feel like I am attempting to be.(sexy dressing, flirtacious and wild). Any thoughts?
2007-07-22 11:30:43 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, think of your children. Being something you aren't will surely affect them at some point. They want a mom, not Madonna or Brittany Spears.
As for your husband...he may have ended this emotional affair, but if you can't trust him, that is serious,as trust is a key component in a successful relationship.
Be happy with who you are!!! It sounds like you are attempting to be someone you feel he would be attracted to and that is wrong. If he can't accept you for YOU, please don't change to be someone you aren't. Seek counseling before your lifestyle change damages your family and your self-esteem. I wish you good luck.
2007-07-22 11:41:10 · answer #1 · answered by lsah1852 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a dangerous path to go down. Keep it up and guys WILL want you, and then that rush won't be enough and you'll want a little more, and a little more, and eventually your marriage will be in even more trouble than it is now.
Two suggestions. One is get some couples counseling. Two is start being thoroughly honest with each other. Affairs of all types are fed by secrecy, by having chunks of your lives that you keep from your spouse and share with someone else. Break that wall down.
2007-07-22 11:38:52 · answer #2 · answered by palan57 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand! After my bf betrayed me, I wanted to avenge my dignity and self-esteem by attracting other men's attentions. It seemed like the only way I could rebound from the hurt he had inflicted. I didn't cheat back or even start to talk to other men, but I definitely wanted him to know what he'd be losing if he betrayed me again.
Over time, the feelings have faded, but staying sexy and confident no matter your stage in life should always be a priority for any woman.
2007-07-22 11:39:52 · answer #3 · answered by HoPeFuL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you are trying to be like the woman your husband had the emotional affair with, but you don't understand why you might be doing it....
Umm....maybe you think if you're more like her, he'll be more attracted to you?
You are going down the wrong path, sister....I recommend that you get into some good counseling ASAP....and drag him in, too...might help with some of the trust issues.
2007-07-22 11:35:02 · answer #4 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest going to get individual as well as couples counseling. First off to deal with the emotional affair issues and then to deal with your urge to change. I'm sorry that you are having these feelings and behaviors and I hope things become normal again for your family.
2007-07-22 11:34:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My thoughts, you got married before you had a chance to find out what it was you wanted for YOU. Before you got to "sow your wild oats" and you are now using the fact that your husband cheated as an excuse to do so. It sounds like to me that neither one of you were mature enough to get married in the first place, and now you are out to hurt him as much as he hurt you. I don't see this marriage lasting much longer.
2007-07-22 14:47:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be desired. I'm 32 and dress like I did when I was 15. I wear short shorts and tight tops. I work-out to stay trim and want to look my best. As long as you don't act out in your search to be desired, then i don't see what is wrong with wanting to turn heads. Your husband should be happy to have a wife that wants to be sexy. My husband loves to show me off.
2007-07-22 11:36:54 · answer #7 · answered by GRITS 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What a tangled web we weave when we first practice to decieve. The thing here is who are you trying to decieve; yourself or your husband? Trying to be someone we arent helps no one. Be yourself as this is the person that your husband fell in love with and married, not this othr person you think you have to be to re-impress your husband. Sometimes we just have to go back to the basics to be able to move forward. Be yourself here and foremost
2007-07-22 11:40:36 · answer #8 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It just sounds to me like you never got over it and are trying to become what you think he wants. It even sounds a little vengeful, like you are wanting attention from other men to get back at him. You are probably the one he really wanted to begin with. He married YOU, didn't he? I would ask my husband what he thought about the new me and take it from there.
2007-07-22 11:37:56 · answer #9 · answered by Kate J 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has the new you gotten a more active response?
If it feels good and nobody is getting hurt, go for it. Youth is wasted on the young, if you can get some of it back, enjoy it.
2007-07-22 11:36:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋