please help me...I really need opinions?

Question

ok so my ex is suppose to see our child on a certain day of each week...he is always a jerk to me when he calls...and last week he wanted me to meet him somewhere to see his child because he didnt have the money to come out...and i told him if he was goign to treat me like that and call me names then im not going to do him a favor like that...and so he ended up not coming...well that day of the week is coming around again...so should I call him and ask if he's coming? or wait to see if he shows up? what should i do? what's the easiest way to deal with this? I have full custody of the child...and he has to see her under my supervision, as it's stated in the courts. please help me. thank you

Answer 1

I think it's his responsibilitly to have the money to see his child. You shouldn't have to wait and change your life around to make it easy for him to see his child specially if he's being rude about it. Your trying to be nice and hes being rude. He needs to step up to the plate.
I'd tell him " this is how it's going to be" If you want to see our child, I want so many days notice. And it will have to work around my skedule.
You have a life to. I know its important for him to see the child, and the child to see him. But it's up to him to make the arrangments, not you.
That must be hard to have to supervise the visits. But that is thoughtful of you trying to help. But don't let him walk on you. you're the one who is in control now.
Good luck

Answer 2

I know it is a BIG responsibility for you to take care
of the child, and you are a woman who is doing it
alone and you deserve the respect due you by
your husband. His calling you names and telling or
even asking you for favors, do not get in the habit
of it. He is ordered by the court to see the child on
a certain day and if he does not then you need to
note it down and the purpose and if too many
times it happens then see your lawyer with the
noted times of missed visits and also I would see
social svcs about his disrespect towards you and
see if you can't take someone other than yourself
to supervise the visits. Be strong and stand your
ground as just because you have custody of the
child does not make him have the right not to be
respectful to you and the child. Good luck.

Answer 3

I would call him and ask him if he is coming. If he gets nasty with you, tell him not to bother coming, that you won't be home, then hang up on him.

However, if there is a court order that he gets to see her on a certain day, then you have to honor the court's order.

Call your attorney & tell him that you want to go back to court in order to modify the current visitation rights, based on his verbal abuse and agressive attitude. Tell your attorney that you are afraid of what he may do to the child, since he has such a bad attitude.

If he has to visit the child under your supervision, he should be very careful how he treats you. He is walking on thin ice. There is probably a good reason why he can't visit with the child alone and the Judge won't play games with him. He either behaves properly, or loses visitation all together.

Answer 4

Hate to say this but it sounds to me as if you are using your daughter to get back at your ex, why else would you insist that YOU supervise his visits? He probably resents this immensely, I know I would.

As for doing your ex a favour and bringing your daughter out to visit him I think you are getting a bit mixed up here as well. You seem to be getting mixed up with "duty" and "favour". As the childs mother you have a duty to ensure that she has the best possible relationship with her father. If he is under financial pressure and you can help out until he gets sorted out then that is your duty. I do it all the time for my ex, no problem, and I hate the sight of her. I don't do it for her, I do it for my kids.

Best thing you can do is talk things out with your ex so that you are BOTH committed to doing what is best for your daughter. If he is stringing you along this will have to stop, as will the abusive attitude he has towards you.

Stop acting like spoilt children and realise that you have BOTH brought a child into this world and you BOTH have a duty to provide and care for that child. Either of you using the child as a means of inflicting pain or pressure on the other is simply abusing your daughter. When she grows up I have no doubt she will be able to tell you exactly where you both went wrong. Like I did with my father. I hope it doesn't come to that.

Answer 5

I would wait and let him make the move to make arrangements. But over all it is probably best to do whatever makes the least drama for your child. You do not want him taking advantage of you and make a habit of expecting you to drive her to all of the visits, but it would make sense to do whatever you can to make your interaction with him as peaceful as possible. As far as him being a jerk to you, is there any way you could change the way you react to him? Perhaps there are things you can figure out things to say to him to calm him down and help him be more compromising. Your interaction with him shouldn't be about all your past ugly history. It should be about him and your daughter having a chance to have a good relationship with each other. Him acting like a jerk just interferes with that.

Answer 6

OK, stop thinking about yourself. For that matter, stop thinking about your ex. Neither of you two are important in this scenario. What is best for the child??? Your child is the most important thing to consider.
You sound vindictive and angry. Maybe that's not your fault, I don't know. Thing is, it's not important. You need to be a grownup about it and make sure your child sees his/her father.
Deal with it be taking your child to see your ex but tell your ex that you cannot meet him wherever he wants all the time. If your ex takes advantage and asks you to meet him wherever he wants, petition the court to have the papers read that the visition will take place at a certain location. That way if he doesn't come, he's in violation of a court order. Takes it out of your hands and lets the court deal with it if he screws up.

Meanwhile, TAKE CARE OF YOU CHILD!! Keep all this bitching and fighting between you two away from the kid.

Answer 7

Custody is a privilege, not a right. If the agreement is he can have supervised visits on a certain day, and he decides not to see your child on that day, that is his choice. It is not your responsibility to chase him down and make him spend time with your child.

It is a very sad situation, and the only one he is really hurting is his child. I am sorry you are in such a bind. ~hugs~ Hang in there. You may find it necessary to consult with your attorney and see if you can apply to have the custody order changed, if he is not following the arrangement.

Answer 8

You don't have to tolerate negative behavior. Stand your ground. His behaviors are his issues, and has to learn there are consequences for them, just as a child does. It is his responsibility to make the necessary arrangements, to see his child, and that includes, having his financial circumstances, taken care of. However, should he fall short again, if he calls, be nice about it, tell him your sorry to hear he has circumstances, perhaps, he can make arrangements with you at a better time. Its not so much as doing favors, but working together for the child's future. Remain positive. Hope that helps.

Answer 9

u have full custody well this is a no brainer...you tell him that his bad attitude is influencing the child and that he either straightens up or that will be severe changes in the schedule...and if that doesnt work tell him to take you back to court and then you can explain all the finer details to the family court judge..

Answer 10

dont call,let him call you.this way you are not pressuring him to do it.if he is nicer and the same thing comes up that he wants you to meet him,tellhim ok,and if for any reason he needs to make it on a different day ,to let you know ahead of time and you can do that.try to be as nice as you can to him.he will start to see that the name calling etc.is not getting him anywhere.it will make things alot better for your daughter to see you two being able to talk and not fight.its all about whats best for her anyway....