he hurt me and well because of that we're not together anymore. I'm not mad anymore because I forgave him. Unfortunately because of that fact, it's hard for me to stop thinking about him? I try to keep busy but its not working....
2007-07-22 07:24:49 · 17 answers · asked by . 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
It somewhat depends on what he did to "hurt" you and the circumstances under which you "forgave him". If it was a small offense and you over-reacted, that's one thing. If it was a large offense, such as infidelity, then you had every right to break it off. Your continued interest in the relationship may be connected to your second-guessing whether you made the right decision.
First, understand that most of us like being connected. When we disconnect - for whatever reason - there is a feeling of loss. Don't confuse your sentiments with that feeling. It's natural and will pass. In other words, it's not so much that you are thinking about him, but rather thinking about "us". One of the worst things that you can do is connect with someone else right now just to ease the feeling of loss. Inevitably, you will make a poor choice and make the situation worse.
Second, keeping busy doesn't do it for most of us. You need to confront your feelings and resolve the hang-up, whatever it might be. That is to say, you need to break the mental excercise of bathing in the melancholy of a broken heart.
This is really more about you than him. One piece of advice I once heard was to visualize the person upon which you are fixated and imagine them on the toilet, or getting violently ill and throwing up all over you, etc. (Didn't work for me, by the way, but I thought I'd throw it in.)
Time will heal, but you may never "get over" this guy unless you resolve to do it. Eventually, you will meet another person - hopefully of higher quality - and a lot of these feelings will fade. Just because you 'remember' doesn't meen there is anything meaningful there to embrace.
Accept and move on. That has always worked for me.
2007-07-22 07:44:14 · answer #1 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are suppose to stop liking him. Shoot, I love everyone. Some of you are harder to love than others, but I think the defining moment in this case is the hurt you felt. Human nature seems to be of a repetitive nature. He would probably hurt you again. Find someone who doesn't and you will be on your way. By the way, I like that you forgave him.
2007-07-22 07:34:26 · answer #2 · answered by Armchair Nutritionist 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did he want your forgiveness?
If he didn't even care, just knowing he doesn't respect you should be enough for you to stop liking him or wanting him in your life... assuming you respect yourself! Which of course you do.
If he sincerely regretted hurting you and wanted forgiveness, maybe you should try to get back together. If he has already moved on and is with someone else, well ... you have to on-purpose *face* the fact that he doesn't want you. Everytime you think of him, stop your pining and wishing, and force yourself to think - really think - about him living his life without you and being happy without you, and force yourself to say YES to him being gone. 'Yes, it's over and there is no chance for us anymore, I'm happy for him and now I will move on, too.' Train yourself to think "gone" when you think of him, instead of thinking "I wish...". It's like mourning the dead -- when you face the reality, eventually you accept it. Otherwise each time you pine for him, you are just reinforcing your feelings of pleasure and longing, and making it worse.
Good luck.
2007-07-22 08:08:06 · answer #3 · answered by zilmag 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It takes time. If you think he won't hurt you as much by being acquaintances, you can still talk to him a little, but just not as much as before. Otherwise, just talk to your friends about how you feel and hang out with other people you're close with so that you still have someone to spend time with. It's always the hardest in the beginning.
2007-07-22 07:28:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you considered the possibility that you could get back together? Just because he hurt you once doesn't mean you have to stay split up. If you've really forgiven him, and it sounds like you have, there's a good chance you could make a go of it.
2007-07-22 07:40:40 · answer #5 · answered by mommanuke 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is bone simple kid.
Forgiveness is fine. Forgetting is dumb.
If you tell your mind to forget or ignore a persons bad behavior, and focus on the good things they've done, you have virtually COMMANDED yourself to like them.
Are you with me? The reason you are starting to like this person again is because you have ordered yourself to like them.
Now if you're pretty sure liking this person is a bad idea, all you need to do is order yourself not to like them.
You don't need to be angry or bitter, just focus on the bad things they've done, try to forget or ignore the good stuff.
You are like Ella Enchanted. Seriously, you do not have the capacity to disobey an order you’ve given yourself.
2007-07-22 08:48:49 · answer #6 · answered by Phoenix Quill 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to become aware of his presence and his impact in your life. I'm not saying you should reinvigorate the feelings of hate caused by being hurt. Forgiving is an important factor for your own health, but it doesn't have to be attached to liking the person. You need to become aware of his negative influence and reduce the interest or let it be reduced naturally.
2007-07-22 07:34:42 · answer #7 · answered by Cheshire Riddle 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is the curse of what you've been robbed of. It's a feeling of Oh well the thing is over now you want him to "validate" you again, this is called mournng allow it it's full tirm. Do not go back. HURT ME ONCE SHAME ON YOU> HURT ME TWICE SHAME ON ME. DO not let the real loves of your life withstand any more pain on you.
2007-07-22 07:45:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may be asking your opinion because of the fact he does such as you. according to risk attempting to get you jealous? properly i think of you ought to tell him the way you experience, and if he in certainty does not experience a similar, you ought to give up all verbal substitute for a minimum of one month!! i know it incredibly isn't any longer elementary yet i understand for a actuality that it will supply help to recover from him. I, on the different hand, think of you ought to make a flow on him. do no longer permit the prospect bypass you thru; he in simple terms must be the "one" for you!! :) stable success i understand you're able to do it!! Adolisca
2016-09-30 11:37:52 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you will never forget about him the only thing you can do is let him go but you hav to decide if you 2 should still be friends.
2007-07-22 07:30:05 · answer #10 · answered by kelseygurl_2011 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋