This question is for my sister. She has just started a job and her husband does not want her to work. He thinks she should stay home and take care of their baby. He's a control freak and he has threatened to kick her to the curb (previously), which is another reason she needs a job...to save some $ just in case. Long story short, he is making it very difficult for her and trying to get her to quit by making her home life miserable (ie not letting her sleep at night and not helping with their child). Does anyone have any advice or suggestions I can pass on to her.
2007-07-22 07:23:12 · 22 answers · asked by karen s 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
their child is 1 1/2 years old if it makes a difference
2007-07-22 07:52:21 · update #1
I always felt that everyone needs to provide for themselves. She needs to be in a position to purchase something for herself and her kids without asking support from anyone, including their father. It is unfair in a sense if something happens to him and she doesn't have a good work reference who is going to look after the kid and this man is obviously the jealous and abusive tipe. This is not good pack and go .
2007-07-30 05:12:26 · answer #1 · answered by meintjiela 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she should stay home and take care of the baby if the baby is an infant. At least to give her and the baby time so they can bond a little more. That is very important to the best interest of the baby for the first part of his/her life. After about six months that is different. I think she she should tell her husband that she has planned on working after the baby was born, and she still will go to work. Now she is aware of the circumstances, so if, as you put it kicks her to the curb so be it. That is not something new, since he has threatened her with that choice anyway. Since she is aware of his threats then she knows what she can expect from him. The baby's well being is of my primary concern, and then her sanity is next, and also her well being. I agree if she desires to work, she should be able to do so. His options are to accept it or be his own boss, and he can move out. No judge in the country will rule against her, so that she wont have to worry about a roof over her head. He will have to pay whether he likes it or not. I would call his bluff. If he loves her then he will think twice about what he said he would do. If he doesn't, no big loss. If he is that bull headed he should be living by himself anywhere. You women do not like a control freak. Most men don't either, so that is why there is no king/queen in this country dicating what will, and what will not be done. Good Luck to your sister. Tell her for me, to be prepared for what he threatened, and that way nothing will surprise her.
2007-07-22 14:45:28 · answer #2 · answered by Butch. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is doing the right thing by being proactive and trying to save money. At 1 1/2 years old the baby is old enough to go to daycare a few days a week and she could work part time on those days. If she is savvy enough she would open an online store or something she can do from home. Or, if her husband wants her to stay at home, she can earn money by babysitting for other mothers with kids the same age. That way she can earn money, be at home, and her baby can socialize with the other babies. Ultimately though, she'll have to address his controlling behavior. Kids are resilient especially when they are so young. if she is going to make any major changes, she needs to start doing them now while the baby is able to adjust quicker.
2007-07-28 00:56:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's true that staying home with a small child is the "ideal."
HOWEVER.......your sister is NOT in an ideal situation!
Her husband's threatening to "kick her to the curb," not letting her sleep, and trying to get her to quit her job are all forms of ABUSE.
See the abuse wheel here: http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Abuser/wheel.htm
She should definitely keep the job, and contact a local women's shelter for resources. She needs to know where that shelter is, and know that number by heart. If that's his personality, this thing could escalate eventually.
And yes, she SHOULD save up some money......in an account in her OWN name only.......preferably at a bank other than where they bank together.
If he EVER starts anything physical, or threatens to, she needs to take the baby & get outa there!
2007-07-27 22:26:43 · answer #4 · answered by mvm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have her file for divorce & kick him out of their home. You help her as able to do so. She & her baby need a safe environment.
Her husband has anger & control issues that WILL escalate to abuse if she does not leave NOW. The safety of both mom & baby should take priority over her wanting to keep the marriage going, or possible fear of him. If need be, call the police.
Edited: Also contact your local Department of Health & Human Services of the county in which she lives for supportive resources & referrals.
Edited: The age of the child does not make a difference when you are concerned about their safety.
2007-07-22 14:29:11 · answer #5 · answered by Daiquiri Dream 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to get out now while she still has a chance because sooner or later he is going to start beating her and trust me I know because my father use to make my mother stay home and watch me when I was little then he went from an control freak to an very abusive person in which he sent my mother to the hospital lots of time but after a while she finally left.
2007-07-30 14:00:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on who is watching the child while she works. The best is that the child is raised by a parent. Having sad this if he made a treat like that she should not only work but make plans for leaving. He does not sound like a nice and understanding person. Maybe she should move with you?
2007-07-30 13:34:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why pay someone to raise your child? Who would care for that child more than it's own mother? There are many mothers who would love to stay home, but don't have husbands with the balls (excuse me) to make it happen.
My wife gave up a successful career to stay home and raise our children. I provide for us all. However, I do my share of housekeeping, cooking and spend HUGE amounts of time with our sons.
If you need extra cash, find a way to do so without taking time from the children. That may not be easy, but few things are.
If husband is able to provide for the mother to stay home, than he's doing his job and she should stay home.
Now if he's a jerk, then that's ANOTHER story! Good luck.
2007-07-22 15:05:47 · answer #8 · answered by Julius4U 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She can either obey her control freak husband or get out while she still can. Ultimately, your advice isn't going to mean much, because it's her life, not yours.
Be there for her if/when the marriage does crumble...and if he's the jerk you say he is, then it likely will.
She's got to learn to be strong on her own and stand up for herself and what she wants. It's something she has to do all by herself.
2007-07-30 14:14:23 · answer #9 · answered by Amy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should stay home and take care of her baby. The baby is most important. Sounds like the husband knows that and the mother does not.
2007-07-28 17:49:32 · answer #10 · answered by philosophy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋