There is IV drug use, former lover who uses with him and is ill bound bed-ridden at times and at his beck and call
2007-07-22 06:39:22 · 8 answers · asked by darealdanielle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to physically get away from the situation, period. It is dangerous for you. I think most people who can't leave a bad relationship are getting hung up on what happens next. Here is what happened to me.
I had a dangerous situation as well, but he left me. Once physical separation was complete and known to be permanent, I found that because I had children, I felt a need to preserve good memories for their benefit (they had already lived through what was bad). The good effect is that the children had a stable home without a parade of new male figures. They never saw their father, so I could manage history as I saw fit. I have done my best to "complete" them instead of interrupting their history.
The effect most people would consider bad is that I was mentally keeping my ex too close to home. I could not move on romantically, but my decision did give me time to work out my emotional baggage instead of dragging it into another relationship. With my baggage, I was not confident that I could attract a person of high enough quality to avoid future problems. However, once I determined I had done my best for my children, I was done with my ex (whom we have not seen since 1985, so this was a long-term commitment) but I have healed without the roller coaster of romantic entanglements, and my children, now grown, have a high opinion of parenthood because they interpreted my choice in flattering terms, which I only recently discovered. Not having a male adult in the home forced all of us to develop differently, but we all became more responsible, a much better circumstance than potentially having another problematic adult in the home.
The rewards from this sacrifice have been enormously satisfying to me, and now, I am free to prowl the universe for a new husband!
Good luck. It is hard, and you will survive. But get out of there first.
2007-07-22 07:41:27 · answer #1 · answered by callmeplayfair 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must contact a lawyer first. A lawyer may give you ideas, like changing the locks when he goes out. Call a friend of his or family and make sure he has a place to go. Agree on how much money he has paid in bills. home repair, furniture, and be prepared to give him money. No you really can't just ask him to leave on a dime. He does have legal rights. Is it over completely or are you just angry now? If he has crossed the line and had an affair you can help him agree to leave. If he has hit you call the police and have him arrested. If you're just fed up with him, think about why you married him. Give it deep considerations before you call a lawyer and spend a lot of money. Will you change your mind later when things calm down or have you absolutely decided it's over? Make your moves slowly and with great thought so it doesn't bite you in the rear end a month, or a year from now.
2016-04-01 07:12:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently you need a session or two with a counselor to find out why your self esteem is so low that you don't think you deserve any better... Addicts, sweetie, are already in a relationship.... it just isn't with you, never will be with you or any other thing or person for very long. And what you want, you cannot have with this person, and what you love about this person is what you WANT him to be, ---- your image--- not reality. And hon, you need some help to internalize this and get on with your life... and only you can help yourself to go make that appointment with a counselor... good luck, sweetie.
2007-07-22 08:05:34 · answer #3 · answered by ladyren 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just need to walk away and go to another state. Don't look back. You can even call police and let them remove him from the home when drugs are there. The more time you spend away from him the more you will get over him.
2007-07-22 06:43:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were climbing up a mountain and carrying dead weight would you cut the rope so it wouldn't drag you down? You can't fix people they have to fix themselves. Read about codependency, it is very interesting information. For example:
http://www.recovery-man.com/coda/codependency.htm
2007-07-22 06:52:19 · answer #5 · answered by Cali Mom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not just about strength...it's about CHOICE. If you CHOOSE to not allow yourself to be dragged down by someone with this kind of unhealthy life, then you will find it in yourself to cut the ties.
Good luck.
2007-07-22 07:01:58 · answer #6 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All of what you just described should make you angry & frustrated enough to leave.
2007-07-22 07:22:50 · answer #7 · answered by Daiquiri Dream 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GET OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-07-22 06:43:30 · answer #8 · answered by jaimi b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋