How can I achieve my aspirations, personal interests without neglecting my children's interests?

Question

I am yet to learn so many things in life. but when I strive for making a living, my personal interests gets sidelined. Then there is dilema that I should now concentrate on my childrens future rather than my personal aspirations.
Suppose, I would like to join a cookery class or learn music or join a gym ??... then I start feeling guilty that I will be giving less time & importance to my children & wife. Instead of me learning a new skill, it seems logical that my children should learn a new skill for their all round developement.
What is the right thing to do? or rather how can one achieve a balance?
Am I the only one who is being confronted by this thought? if not, then how you folks deal with this?

Answer 1

Family always comes first, but family can also go along with you, to your interests. May be your wife or your children might share your interests. Why not, find things you can all do together! May be at a common place where everybody can go to their 'interest' classes.

And don't worry children taking your time, they grow up very fast and once they hit their teens, they would rather not have you around to bother them, so make the best of the time you have with them, now.

Hobbies can be always be accommodated with better time management, in consultation with your family. Your family loves you and would love to accommodate your passions.

The result would be that you would be able to pursue your dreams, without facing unnecessary resentment or rejection at home.

Answer 2

That's a very tough, and very honest, question. It's the reason I made a choice, at about age 22 or so, that I wouldn't have kids until I was financially and most important, emotionally, ready for them. I wanted to be an artist/filmmaker, and I lived in L.A. which at least makes it easier, but in going for my dream, I feared (correctly it would turn out) that I wouldn't be able to support my children or wife, and more importantly, that I would feel saddled with a 9-5 job that I hated and would get resentful and... well, you know where that can go.
The upshot is that, although I have lived that way, as a filmmaker, artist, journalist, and sometimes projectionist, house painter, sign painter, etc., and never made enough money to totally support myself, let alone a family. But, the upshot is I've had an interesting career that took me all over America, and I got to do some cool things in some cool places and meet some very cool people.
But, in my case, although I'm Gay, and that does have some bearing on my feelings, I nevertheless met a wonderful woman in and her two young kids in 1980 , and I have been very close with them ever since. I've been the only male presence in her two kids live's all that time, her other occasional boyfriends notwithstanding. In the years I've known her, she's struggled on almost nothing to raise them, and she earned a degree as a Minister. All on nothing.
The commitment isn't just about money, it's about being there for them as the real you. And if that means going for your dream and taking that risk, isn't it worth it? When you consider the life lesson those kids will learn if you succeed, and especially if you show them spirit and initiative, it would be a shame not to try. I came to them when our daughter was about 7 and our son was about 1 year old. They think of me as their dad in many respects, and I consider them my kids, and would do anything any other dad would do for them. Money can be an issue because I'm broke myself lately but I'm there for them in whatever way they need me.
But if you have the drive and will and determination and talent for something, you'd be doing yourself an injustice if you didn't go for it and settled for something you didn't want to do "for the sake of the kids." Lots of other dads have gone on to create great careers after having had kids. It may just take a little longer. But your kids will have a great example to look up to!
Best of life to you!

Answer 3

Hmm...I'm not a parent but when i see my mom or dad wanting to do something but we (their children) prevent them to (well, unintentionally). I think about alternative ways then we'll compromise. for example, my mom wants to lose weight but she can't leave my lil sister alone at home while she's in the gym. I asked my mom to enroll my lil sister to a workshop (acting, singing, whatever this lil girl likes) while she's in the gym provided that she schedules these two activities at the same time so that after her gym, she could fetch lil sister and go home. Or, try asking them (your children) about what you want to do, may be they also want to be involved (such as drawing/painting, a sport...etc) in this case, you could do these things together. what do you think? i hope i helped you (somehow). Good luck on that!

Answer 4

There is a valuable lesson for your children in having a parent who will pursue their goals. You will find away to make time for them and to take care of them. You can also speak to them of why it is important for you and *them* to find balance and harmony and not to be a martyr giving up one's life for others.

We only feel guilt when we believe that we are doing something wrong. Putting your life on hold is wrong in my view.

We can stop feeling guilty by telling ourselves that we do is wrong.

The issue depends on the type of citizens that you want to raise. Martyrs are unhappy. I have never met a parent who wanted their children to grow up to be unhappy.

Answer 5

If you have many children and your earnings are limited I suggest you try and cultivate interests that won't dig a hole in your pocket. Learn cooking by experimenting dishes that you get without cost,
TRY AND EXERCISE GOOD FINANCIAL CONTROL ALL ROUND AND IMPROVE YOUR SAVINGS.

LIFE IS LONG, AND there will be a time and opportunity soon.