true story happened to a friend of my wfe. how do you explain this to your child?
2007-07-22 06:07:35 · 27 answers · asked by Grand pa 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OMG! I'd be a wreck! I'd feel really weird and sad because I wouldn't know if the "love" there was ever true. Umm... if the child is older, like about 12, and can understand it, then I would tell the truth. But if the child was younger, I would tell them, "Daddy had to go live with one of his friends," and if they ask questions, then answer, but be discreet about it. You don't want to make it a big deal even though it is.
2007-07-22 06:13:51 · answer #1 · answered by Maddy A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
^That's a tough one, it's bad enough to be left for another woman, but to be left for a man.................
I'm so sorry she has to go through this, I hope for her sake that she and her child come to terms with this horrific situation.
I've never been in that situation, but I'm sure I would feel every emotion there is, anger, betrayal, hurt, etc. I would also be afraid of S T D's, AIDS, whether he slept with another man or woman I would worry about that and how many partners he's had and get tested.
Having said that, you have to try to realize it's not your fault, and try to get over the betrayal, apparently he's gay and has been hiding the fact. Go to counseling if your having trouble coming to terms with it. Your feelings won't heal overnight it will take time.
As far as the child, you both need to explain that just because mommy and daddy are no longer together that we still love you. The really hard part is she needs to realize no matter what, he's still the child's father and should be part of the child's life and if that includes a male partner, as tough as it is, that's the way it's going to be. Children are more resilient than we give them credit for, basically they just want to be loved and feel secure in the fact that his or her parents are still in their life. When people separate/divorce, they are at their worst behavior, just try not to drag the child into it, don't put the child in the middle, whatever is done don't bad mouth the other parent, that's one of the worse things you can do to a child. I hope she can come to terms with this, for her sake as well as the child’s.
2007-07-22 14:08:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some men are gay or bisexual and have a hard time accepting it about themselves. So, they marry and have families and try to live the life of a heterosexual. These men often truly care for their wives and children. They try to be happy, but after a time they acccept that the life they are leading is a lie in their hearts and minds.
If it was my husband, I would be hurt and I would feel betrayed. However, I would openly and honestly explain to my child what happened. After all, the man is still the child's father and he and his partner will be involved in the child's life. It is better to be friendly and foster a good relationship between the parent and child and between all the adults concerned than to be hateful.
2007-07-22 13:27:32 · answer #3 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would feel terrible!! and wonder whether or not he may have given me AIDS and wonder how many other men he has been with and for how long as he been doing this.
Explaining to the child would be devastating; bad enough if it were a woman he had gone with. I guess it depends on the age. If very young, it may be best not to tell the child; if older and think the child will be able to understand maybe better to tell the truth. however, counselling may even become necessary. Good luck to your friend and the child.
2007-07-30 08:34:36 · answer #4 · answered by laura j 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all I would be shocked. He lived a lie with me for five years. He know he was gay but was using me for appearance only. Maybe he genuinely thought that if he married a woman, he would change. I would question if he ever really loved me.
PLAN "A" - WE would explain it to our child. I would have to do lots of soul searching before I could find an answer I was comfortable with.
PLAN "B" - If the circumstances wouldn't allow daddy to be part of the conversation I would just tell our child that, "Daddy is a good man who loves you very much and always will. But no matter how hard he tried to be a good husband to me, he was very unhappy trying to be something that he wasn't."
2007-07-22 20:46:20 · answer #5 · answered by Granny 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't be able to feel. THat is very hurtful for anyone to leave anyone for another person and especially worse in a situation like this.
It would be a tough one to explain to your child but you have to find the courage to tell them the truth in an understanding way. The child will hurt but with the proper guidance, the child may come out okay....but still confused later on in life with this issue
2007-07-30 05:16:58 · answer #6 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately this is happening more often. Your friend probably had a feeling all was not well or normal. Children understand these things when they are prepared and start asking questions. Until they ask, it is best to give them the minimal information. Answer specific questions with specific information -
"Where is Daddy?" answer - "He decided he didn't want to be married to me anymore."
Don't give any more information until the maturity level of the child prompt him/her to ask for more.
I have a friend whose husband left her for another man 15 or more years and three children into the marriage.
2007-07-29 23:39:33 · answer #7 · answered by whiteparrot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's bad but think of it from a man's point when his wife and mother of his children leave him for another woman. They had a eighteen year old. If after eighteen plus years of marriage you feel you need to be with a woman more than a man, I don't understand. If you can put away your feels an live as 'normals' for years why do you have to change.
2007-07-22 21:33:58 · answer #8 · answered by Coop 366 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was gay all along and either trying to hide it or even deny to himself that it was true. Your wife's friend was just unfortunate enough to be the one he put in the middle of it. As for how to explain it to the child, that is hard. The truth works best, but has to be age appropriate. She needs professional help to get her child through this.
2007-07-22 13:14:56 · answer #9 · answered by msims52 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I would be extremely angry and hurt. I would do my best to explain to my children that their father loves them but he has made a choice to pursue an alternative lifestyle. Also, I would make the husband be the one to explain it as well. It isn't fair for the wife to be the one to have to go through the difficult task of explaining such a hard situation.
2007-07-22 13:15:22 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋