I am tired of trying to make it work. I work my *** off full time, am a full time student, yet get no ******* help from my live in boyfriend. He is one of the laziest people I know, he doesnt cook, clean, laundry, clean the litter box, nothing!!!!! Then the sex department, pretty much non-existant. So what do I do? We've been together for 4 1/2 years, and been through some shiet, but I dont know...I think that I can do better on my own, and have less drama.....so whats the best thing....try to make it work, or say **** it and handle my own business???
Please, only real answers, if you just want the two points, go the the jokes section and do it there.....Thanks!!!! Some of yous guys(and girls) give really good advice
2007-07-22 05:05:49 · 10 answers · asked by Vann 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I think you need to sit down and speak with him about this. it might just be a phase that you can work through. I'd have to see you throw a 4.5 year relationship away over not helping at home. I always feel that you should give love a chance and it seems like you keep trying. So I think you both need to sit down and discuss your present, past, and possible futures. Only you know in your heart what is best for you and for him. Maybe he's stressing about something, maybe he feels that you are so busy that he's not seeing you enough, I honestly can't answer for him or for you. I do wish you both the absolute best and to again tell you to follow your heart! Good luck! :)
2007-07-22 05:11:25 · answer #1 · answered by Jyse 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok - here's the thing. I spent almost 13 years in one relationship that after 8 years started to go bad. I spent the last 5 years of the relationship purposely blinded because I loved where we lived, and there was plenty to keep me busy and keep my mind of the problem at hand. Only when he asked me to let his friend move in with us, did I realize that it was the end. I agreed, and then kicked them both out 2 months later. I felt like a new man after that. But - the thing is that I had not only ended a 13 year relationship, but I wasted 5 years of it disregarding something that should have been stopped when it first started. After all was said & done, I found out what it was like to live with "me" and I grew as a person.
If this live in B/F of yours doesn't care, and is not willing to help maintain your living space, AND doesn't work, AND has almost no sexual contact with you, then honey - you have a room mate, not a boyfriend. It's time to issue the ultimatum. But before you do, you must keep a tight rein on your emotions and not let anything show. Otherwise, he'll use that to get you to let him stay (or you stay - wichever is the case). Get out before it gets any worse.
Good luck.
2007-07-22 12:27:46 · answer #2 · answered by Paul L 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As Jyse said need to look at your relationship and decide for your self if you want to save it. If you do then your job is going to be even harder over the next couple of months. Because you are going to have to take the initiative to save it. The only way to do that is to have a verbal knock down drag out about how you feel and your expectations of what needs to be fixed. At the same time you need to listen to your bf to find out what he is thinking too.
You don't want to start with something like, "get off your lazy a** and help clean up around here". You need to sit down accross a table and ask him something like, "Where is our relationship going." Get his feed back first. It will make him part of the solution not the point of the problem. You will need to be very loving in you approach if you really want to save your relationship.
If on the other hand he doesn't respond in a constructive manner to suggestions and doesn't have a few things to add to the conversation, well I would have plan "B" in hand before I sat down.
Warning too. If the lease / rental agreement is in your name, and he is not on it, then before you move on you need to make sure the landlord understands you are moving and you have given notice to your bf that you are leaving on a specific date. Do both in writing. Some states require 30 days some require 45, others require 60. Be very care about the cleanliness if you want your deposit back.
2007-07-22 12:39:35 · answer #3 · answered by .*. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what you want to do. Have you discussed this with him? If not, or if he isn't willing to meet you half way...I think it is best to do what makes you happy.
I've been in this exact situation before and then, had this opifany (I think that is misspelled lol) - "If you are doing something to please another and you're not getting what you need to be happy, why stay?"
I know it sucks, and you feel like you're throwing away 4-1/2 years but you could stay unhappy for another year or 4 before you wakeup again. Do you want to waste 8 years of your life? Move on, because as people say, "you can do bad by yourself". What people never say, is you can do good by yourself too.
Good luck.
2007-07-22 12:14:03 · answer #4 · answered by eniles21 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you made up your mind. If you're not happy and you've talked to him and nothing has changed, why do you still want to be w/ him? I realize that after 4 1/2 years there is reluctance to move on. But, if your not happy, why stay? Be true to your self first. Only then can you find the man your looking for.
Good Luck
2007-07-22 12:13:57 · answer #5 · answered by USN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm.. You see this alot..
Speak to him, don't be gentle either, true love normally responds when your angry. Give him the evidance that he is lazy and irrasponsible as most people say they do it as a lie so they can watch TV or have a snack. If this doesnt work then say you will leave him if he doesnt, say that you'r not his mother but his suppose to be lover and that he should treat you like it, otherwise there is no point in the relationship.
Dan
2007-07-22 12:10:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your lover able to sit down and have a serious, soul-searching talk with you? Will he settle his thoughts down and address the issues you're concerned about? If you told him you need a heart-to-heart, will he respond and be attentively receptive? If so, there's hope, go forward with that approach (appoint for a nice dinner, then talk that evening afterwards). If not, if he avoids or belittles the need, take steps to let him go. Make room for someone whose standards are closer to yours.
Best wishes and good luck.
2007-07-22 12:11:42 · answer #7 · answered by Zeera 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Giving him an ultimatum might be a little too dramatical,talk to him first and give him some time to change and if nothing good happens,let him go,don't jeopardize your life,you'll find someone that better suits your "requirements".Gd luck buddy
2007-07-22 12:45:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him and say that you can't do it all on your own, and if he wants it to work, you need to start cooperating. If that doesnt help, then obviously he doesn't want the relationship to work.
2007-07-22 12:11:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you need to move on , yur already doing eveything yourself, he is not helping at all, right? Move on and find somone new.
2007-07-23 23:08:45 · answer #10 · answered by ziggy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋