I left him last year for a guy at my work. We where married for almost 14 years. Sometimes when we talk about the kids he gets emotional and starts crying and telling me how much he misses me and still loves me. You would think that after 10 months he should be over me right? I tell him to get over it and move on and then he tells me that I lack a conscience. Why is he holding on??
2007-07-22 04:37:59 · 55 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he needs to find someone else
maybe if he does he will forget about you
2007-07-22 04:40:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 5⤋
14 years is a long time to be in a relationship with anyone without forming some sort of attachment. Never the less as with any loss there is a grieving peirod, but more important a grieving process. Consider a few things: It sounds as if you were ready for the end of the relationship before your ex husband. In fact you were preparing for it by seeking out another signifigant other. Giving you a headstart on preparing to deal with the end of the relationship.
As I mentioned before there is a grieving peirod associated with any loss. The period, however, is not standardized. Meaning there is no accurate rule of thumb. A loss that may take one person several years to get over may take another only several months.
Also there is a grief process or stages. One theory holds that there are seven stages. The stages Kubler-Ross identified are:
Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
Anger (why is this happening to me?)
Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
Depression (I don't care anymore)
Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)
Each person deals with each stage in there own time. It is fair to say that some people get "stuck" and require assistance navigating through the phases.
One last thing to consider, put yourself in his shoes. Think back to a time when you lost something/someone that was an important part of your life. It does not have to only be a signifgant other. A grandparent or a special toy perhaps. Remember how it made you feel. Maybe that will help you to be more compassionate toward your ex. Not for his sake or for yours but for your children's. Remember they are seeing everything that's happening and it effects them as well.
GOOD LUCK.
2007-07-22 04:55:30 · answer #2 · answered by pureshay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He'll get over it. It just takes some people a little longer.
I've had 3 major relationshps in my life and they were all painful when they came to an end. But the reality is that relationships simply run their course. For all three of those realtionships, it was clearly time to move on. Furthermore, there isn't a woman from my past with whom I've had a relationship that I would ever want to find myself with in a relationship again. As time passes, your ex-husband will begin to feel that same way. From a man's perspective, it is most fun to be married between 25 and 45 but best to be single thereafter. A wife in physical decline is not a pleasant sight and they have nothing positive to add to a mans life beyond their early 40s.
2007-07-22 04:44:00 · answer #3 · answered by Trevor S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, you must have had your reasons to leave this guy, whatever they may have been. So i will not call you names as we do not know why you left him. I hope, for humanity's sake, that you at the least tried to go to a marriage counselor and work these issues out. 14 years is not a short period of time. Clearly, he feels you have done an injustice to him. You have left him and taken HIS children away from him. He still loves you and his children.. you can not expect him to get over 14years of marriage in 10 months. If you were able to do that you must have some deeper issues that you need to work on. However if you left him for some guy at work that you have known for how long? The same thing can happen to you. The new guy will notice you ditched your husband for 14 years and he himself will always have doubts about you... always remember.. treat others as you would like to be treated.
2007-07-22 06:50:15 · answer #4 · answered by computech0 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You had your own reasons to leave your ex, because I know 14 years is not a short time for both of you. I just hope you made the right decision. About your ex, to be honest, he will get over it very soon -- just like my husband-- he threatened me that he would kill himself and everybody if I leave him. He asked people around how and where to buy guns. He told me he had blood cancer.(??) But then, he had a new girlfriend after 5 months living apart while sending email saying that I am the heartless one(?). And now, 8 months from the day he left the house, he lives with the lady and her daughter, letting our son waiting for him weeks, spending all his vacation time for that lady. He is now also afraid that I will be the one that might cause some problems to his future marriage. Dont pay much attention to him. Keep yourself happy with your children. Good luck.
2007-07-22 05:26:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what kind of a person are you? To fall in love with someone else while you have a family at home and then to leave them for him after 14 yrs? You DON'T have a conscience! Why does you ex even love a person like you?
10 months is not a lot of time, but maybe you think it is because you were the one who ruined his life and started a new one.
You're an awful person! I hope you are makng time for your children!
2007-07-22 04:47:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
wow i dont even know where to begin with this sis. listen, you left your husband 0f 14 years whom you have children with for another man at work, and you are the one on here asking for advice because you don't understand why he can't get over it already after amost a year. Ok, (really trying to be civilized here, oh someone help me please!) ok ok, here is the deal. He does not deserve you. You are mean. have some sort of symptay. how would you feel if he was the one that left you for a younger more beautiful woman, and don't give me that crap about 'well as long as he is happy' because guess what, that would be a bunch of bulls&i% and you know it. you made a commitment to this man and you walked away from it, of course he is hurt. but you know what though, do not worry my friend because you will get yours one day and you are going to feel his pain somehow, then maybe just maybe you may have some sympathy. and for your husband, it may take him a year or 3 or 5 to get over it, hell maybe he wont really be over it but he will learn to move on and when he does he will realize you are the sucumbag that you really are. do not rush it myfriend. enjoy these days while they last and stop biatching.
peace
2007-07-22 04:46:59 · answer #7 · answered by mama2be 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love does not have an on/off switch.....10 days, 10 months, 10 years..could all be the same if you still have feelings for someone,. Just because you WANT him to stop does not mean that he can or will......I agree you seem to lack a conscience, hope your happy now.....
2007-07-22 04:44:10 · answer #8 · answered by MC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
14 years is a long time! You went straight to another person so it's easy for you not to think about your ex. I assume with him he's had plenty of alone moments to reflect on what he's now missing in his life. I've been divorced for 5 years now after an 11 year marriage. Your ex sounds just like I did. As a matter of fact it took me about 8-10 months of my new life to realize what I had been missing, but my ex was in a relationship also. It's hard to imagine someone you've been with for so long being with another man. It took me about 2 years to completely get over my ex and move on, so give him some time. I actually went back to our marriage counselor for advice because I really liked her and she was a big help in helping me to move on.
2007-07-22 04:53:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first .I'm glad you have been able to move on with your life.but I'm just starting to feel again after a 17 year marriage.we were so good for each other for so long that we became complacent.not seeing each others good qualities any more.so my love for her is so great that i had to man up and let her go.it still hurts very deeply i thought we would lIve and die together.ive just had to be honest with her about how i feel ill all ways love her.all ways my best years were with her .but i have to realize its over.bee kind just keep telling him you do not want to take him away from kids but he needs to grow up smell the roses and find someone else.in a kind way .be understanding but honest to yourself and to him. show him some ways to get you off his mind.and if need be drop kids off or have a friend do it stay away he will come along.right now his emotions are getting in the way of his mind. can talk more if you want.pray for him and your familys mental and spiritual health.
2007-07-22 04:51:36 · answer #10 · answered by JAYHAWKER 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you're just a cold hearted b*tch. You have a family together, you will never be rid of him because of that. I'm sure if he left you for a woman at his job and you wanted/missed your lives together and you still loved him that you would tell him.
I agree with him, you seem to lack a conscience in regards to the man that fathered your children. If you were in his shoes, would you want him to treat you like that?
Ever heard of a little thing called karma? Yeah, you're going to really be loving it when it comes your way. Then let's see who is emotional then.
2007-07-22 04:43:16 · answer #11 · answered by ♥Aimee♥™ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋