Is this an abusive marriage?

Question

I feel tired of arguing so much with my husband and wish I had a happier marriage. We have been married for several years and he has called me names such as ***** and idiot. He calls me these names randomly not just when it's an argument. For example, a few years ago we were out at dinner and I ordered a glass of wine. The waitress asked me if I wanted a second glass of wine and I said sure. My husband immediately said "*****!" I understand that glasses of wine can add up, but there is no excuse for this. Now we have a child and he has called me a bad mother more than once. He has said I can't cook, clean, not fun, and that I'm bad in bed. Lately, he suddenly blamed me for him losing a guy friend from college. He said that because I didn't like this guy that it's my fault that my husband isn't friends with this person any longer. He treats me like a child and bosses me around. He says "a good woman would do this or that". What should I do? Help!

Answer 1

Hi....This is called "verbal abuse" and no, you shouldn't have to take this from anyone! Not even your husband. Now I don't like to prejudge anyone especially if I don't know them but in such a case as this, in my opinion, your husband doesn't have any respect for you as his wife or the mother of his child. Which also states that if he doesn't have any respect for you then how can he have respect for himself? It works both ways. Now the question is, has he ever hit you? In some cases if a husband verbally abuses a wife then physical abuse is closely behind the verbal. I hope he hasn't for your sake as well as your child. Now, there is a reason for a persons actions. It may not be a good reason but there is a reason for everything that takes place. You need to find out what this reason is, on why your husband feels the way he does. For instance is it alcohol, drugs, another woman perhaps, stress? Any of these could be a factor on why he is treating you in such a manner. They are not good reasons but excuses. One of my suggestions would be sit down and try to have a civil conversation with him and ask him why he treats you as such. If he can't explain his motives then you have the option to tell him that if he doesn't stop, then you will go else where until his behavior or attitude changes. That what he is doing, is morally wrong. His concept on what a marriage is,is entirely wrong. Maybe a marriage counselor could help the issue or maybe a minister or if your Catholic, a priest but he needs some insight on what marriage is all about. Also the meaning of respect. And also the word consideration. What I'm having a hard time with is his definition of a "good woman"...does he mean a slave for his own purpose or what? I would like to know what his definition is for the meaning of a "good woman" I bet it's hilarious. With all the things you have listed that he has said to you on being a bad mother, bad lover, basically bad everything then ask him why he still wants to be married to you. Tell him if he can find someone better that will listen to his BS then go right ahead since you don't need that attitude and you can definitely do better for you and your child. Tell him that two can play at that game. Hope this has helped and good luck on your situation. God Bless!

Answer 2

yes this is an abusive marriage at least verbally which can reek havoc on your self esteem, confidence, self image ,& the eyes and ears of your child. i suggest you consider saving up some money, keep a list of homes you can go to just in case and look into certain legal options for your child. I'm not saying to right off the bat divorce your husband or anything but have knowledge of things just in case because they say when it rains it pours. Now on another note i suggest seeking marriage counseling at a local church if you go or within the medical communtiy which ever suits you best. If this doesn't not work over well with your husband then i suggest you guys try to have a heart to heart but because he is verbally abusive i wouldn't want you to be weary about your word selection with him so practice the conversation before actually having it in a mirror or alone when no one is around. and if you feel that the conversation is something that may get out of hand i would suggest having other arrangements for your child. i wish you luck and stay safe. and make sure your tell him your name is not ***** !!!!!!

Answer 3

I'm sorry, but, this sounds more like a ring for boxers than a marriage. I know that just saying, 'leave him' is not something you believe you can afford to do, either. CAN you afford to leave him, in your mind? I didn't read that you love him, or that he EVER says he loves you. Truth is, you cannot afford NOT to leave him. IS this how you want your children to be reared? They WILL learn that men 'hurt' women. Your child will, most likely, be the next target for your husband. Are you strong enough to just leave with your child? Can you leave, FOR your child? Do you have relatives or friends who could help you with a place to live until you are able to find another place to live? Are you able to divorce your fellow and kick him out of where you live, now? IF he loses his job, it WILL be your fault........(he will say). Then, he will beat you for sure! A man who needs to bully a woman, and he seems to NEED that, is not a man, but a coward. Get out of there. I hope you live in a state with divorce laws that will help you out a great deal. Keep track of his abusive behavior. When, what, words, all of that. Tell it to the lawyer.

Answer 4

Yes, this is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse abuse can hurt more than physical abuse because the words are never forgotten, I know from experience. Now that you have a child, this can not be happening in front of your child. You need to find a way to mend the marriage by counselling or something, if that doesn't work, maybe you should think about leaving. This problem will likely only get worse if left unchecked.

Answer 5

First of all, he is not a real man, he is a little stupid boy who is afraid of the world. What you should do is:

1)Call him a **** and idiot every time your having dinner with
your friends or somewhere else.

2)Tell him he is a horrible father.

3)Tell him: ''If I can't cook and clean, than honey, you do it for this mount, I'll be eating out, because your cooking is not good for pigs, and you aren't able to even hold a broomstick since you have a condition of 70-year old.''

4)Tell him: ''Honey, you're not much fun, and your penis is pretty small so I think it's time for me to have a lover sice you're so terrible in bed!''

5)Tell him: ''Are you so pathetic to be able to loose a friend because of me. Ah, that's to bad!''

6)Tell him: ''A good man would treat a woman like a queen, but sice you are acting like an ape, you don't diserve me!!!''


P.S. Leave him as soon as possible if you love your child. I think you don't want your child to be like him one day! Run away!!!!

Answer 6

Well, yeah, I'd say that qualifies as abusive. What kind of a jerk are you married too? Yuck - does he ever say anything nice to you? You should never take more than you give or give less than get. Are you good to him? If you have a child I'd say that poor child is going to one messed up kid growing up hearing all that anger. You guys need to get some help! Think of your child if not of each other. Marriage is about love, remember. A good woman deserves and good man and I don't think you have one! You deserve better!

Answer 7

Where is your spine woman? What should you do? You need to stand up and get out of that relationship. Yes it is an abusive marriage. Are you going to wait around for it to get worse, for him to start in on the child, for there to be even more children to worry about? You need to get out and get out now. Can't do that? Then start making plans honey start plotting and stashing as much cash as you for your getaway. If you are willing to let this jerk destroy your life and beat down your soul OK, your choice, but you have no right to allow that to happen to your child, in fact it is your duty to protect the child from this kind of abusive soul killing behavior, even if it does come from his father. A good woman would have kicked his sorry butt to the curb long ago. He has no concept of what a woman, good or bad, would do he is just using that to controll and manipulate you. Stop falling for it. Are you a good woman? well then a good woman would do exactly what you have done and are doing and a good woman would do what I am telling you to do, Get Out Now before things get worse, because they are gonna get worse. Don't wait around to see if I am right.

Answer 8

I would say that yes you are in a abusive marriage. No women should take that kind of a abusive from a husband. Has he ever hit you yet. Have you,him or the both of you seek ed counseling. If ever thing else fails then i would say leave and divorce him.

Answer 9

Yes, it is abusive...

Also sounds like he is a child - name-calling and blaming.

I wish I had some good advice, but I'd bet that if therapy or counseling were suggested, he would claim that he is fine and nothing is wrong and didn't need any help either...controlling people never want to relinquish control - especially to a counselor.

Answer 10

Tell him to get stuffed! Surely you are worth more than this - tell him we are in 2007 and perhaps you are 'not fun' because he has made you this way. Life is too sort for all the rubbish he is giving you - tell him where to go surely your child deserves a happy home environment which it would be if your husband wasn't there.