Would you stay in a sexless marriage, where you both sleep in seperate bedrooms for over 10 years ?

Question

NOT ME.....but, I know people that have done it, and still do it, and I just think it's sad and boring.I chose not to be bored and got a divorce. I just don't see how people can live in the same house with someone they really don't want to be around.

Answer 1

No.....it would be like living with a dead person....some people would rather have security than happiness. Life is all about choices.....yes it is a tragedy.....but also reality.I choose happiness.

Answer 2

Who says they don't want to be around each other? They just have separate bed rooms. I know several couples to have this due to being on different schedules. It works for them.
Some people don't think sex is the end all be all of a marriage. Truly, their marriage wasn't set up on sexual needs. There are a few people on this forum where sex isn't and never was important to them.
And what about that mythical thing called love? Maybe they do just honestly love each other, but don't want to have sex with each other. Yes, that does happen.
What about if one of them has had a medical problem that makes sex painful or impossible? That happens too. Should a spouse be abandoned because of something beyond their control?

Frankly if everyone in the situation is happy then I don't see why you should care.

I could stay in a relationship that was sexless IF it had other elements that I felt I couldn't go without. However, my toy box would be HUGE. My marriage is not sexless, but if it became so I don't think I would leave my husband. I really do love him, and I can't even imagine my life without him.

Answer 3

I see your point, but just because they sleep in separate bedrooms , and don't have sex doesn't mean they hate each other. They could be staying together for financial reasons among many others. There are people out there that are on friendly terms with their ex-spouses. Look at it this way. These people have been living together many years. They know each others living habits, and are used to sharing things such as bills, and food. If they get divorced then they move to different places, have to most likely get a roommate (unless they are both well off), and get used to their habits, friends, etc. So in a way this couple may have a marriage thats gone, but have an ideal roommate relationship. Now if they hate each other, and still live together thats a totally different story.

Answer 4

Heck no!!!!!!!!! If you don't feel thelove emotionally and physically then get out. This kind of marriage is not healthy and can only make you more unhappier . In a marriage the person needs to feel special and wanted the sex helps them feel that it's a self expression of the love two people share when its not shared there has to be a reason why and it can't be good either the person has lost the attraction to the other person or they no longer love that person . I understand that sometimes medical problems cause sexual disfunction but if that's the case a doctor should be saught to see what the problem is. It's best to be alone then living with someone who doesn't want you .

Answer 5

That is such a tragedy. Still, I think that is a personal choice that people make. Sometimes people sleep in different rooms for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with sex. Some people are comforable with each other and might even be afraid to leave the relationship for a variety of reasons. In this situation I would not say anything whether they decided to stay together or if they split up. It is such a sad situation and such a waste of years.

For me---my tolerance level might have been reached long before. Thankfully I have never been in that situation.

My heart goes out to you two. I hope things go well from here out.

Answer 6

To tell you the truth, a good friend of mine did this for the better part of 28 years. He stayed with his wife for the sake of their three kids. As soon as the youngest hit 18, the guy was out the door filling for divorce.
There are many reasons why people choose to stay together in a loveless sexless marriage and somehow muddle through life. Like you, I will not opt for this, since I believe that passion and happiness, making the most out of life, and not living a total lie, is non negotiable.
You have to make choices for yourself, and not let anyone tell you which path you must choose.
I always say this: When you live with your head in the sand, you put yourself in a perfect position to be penetrated in the rear.

Answer 7

I personally would not stay in a relationship that was sexless or where we stayed in separate bedrooms. A relationship can only work with conversation and compromise. It seems to me if they are in separate rooms then they have had a serious issue that they can not work through, or maybe have not tried to work through.
There maybe situations where it is better to stay because there is nothing but harder times if you leave, but it is even hard for me to agree with this.

I guess that is why we are all individuals, who am I to judge how someone else chooses to live there life.

Answer 8

Sometimes people stay married for other reasons, kids, financial, taxes, etc.....
I surprises me how many are in a sexless marriage. I've been married for almost 17 years and feel that our intimate realtions can be better, but for some reason, I just don't see that happening. I would love to talk about it further; my email is
[e-mail]

Thanks!

Answer 9

I have been exacly 10 years in a relationship with no love, very little sex, and a very stupid woman. i do not sheat on her, instead, Icontrol my self, get some sex with her only when i can't whait anylonger. Problem is i mention she is extremely stupid, I do not want my 2 kids to be raised only by her because i have seen that she is too irresponsible. therefore, I said to my self, self, as stupid and ugly as she is, she is the mother of your kids. she makes a bounch of mistakes every where jet, she still has some good characteristics, she cooks for them, takes them to school, do not spenck them, instead, she talks to them sometimes loudly but not allways, sometimes we argue but not always. so why not just chill out till the kids grow up and then will decide what to do. I was the first stupid when i tried to get some sex without protection. so, i feel i should be a little responsible too. By staying, i help my kids grow up with a sense of mother and father present. The effort of staying is very little, the most difficult part for me is to spend nights and days without a woman i love. this is couteracted by one tought. Is there really a woman (or man) that will be spotless when it comes to a relationship? I doubt it very much, I think, I will have problems in any relationship regardless of love. (and everybody that lives with someone they love know that) so why not stick to one where i have 2 kids and deal with it. many would say, live the relationship and find you a better one. I say, the better one will be good only till problems come, than I will be writing in the internet: i left my kids for a woman (or man) that i tought it was good, it turned out that she (he) was not. the potential for problems is 100% of the tieme out there, no exceptions.why risk kids for a better relationship, there is no guarantees you will find it. I do the best of what i got. it may be wird to many but at least i am not spreding my blood all over the place. kids grow up, i move out, they do not suffer, the ones that suffer will be my companion and me. shure is a high prize o pay but consideing all the benefits of being around your littleones day in and day out it kind a balances just fine. I have been 10 years like that. painful for me. yes, whant out? yes. whant a "good relationship"? yes. Where do you find it? how do you explain to your kids you left them with someone so irresponsible when they do not do the ovious right thing to do? do not whish it to not one.

Answer 10

Just because someone sleeps in a different bedroom doesn't mean they don't have sex. Alot of people have sleep disorders that make it difficult to get any sleep and then having a snoring person next to you, makes almost any sleep impossible. There can be plenty of fun before your head hits the pillow. There can be alot of extenuating circumstances of why people sleep in different rooms, but it definitely doesn't mean they don't love each other and still have sex.

Answer 11

My parents did this and they're fine with it and still married. I was embarrassed of this when I was a kid and would invite friends over. I'd have to lead friends to my bedroom and we'd pass two other bedrooms that looked used. I remember that was when I'd feel obligated to explain and wonder if my friends' were already wondering. It was obvious that my dad's bedroom wasn't a guest bedroom. They did it for sleep reasons. My mom wanted to sleep in and couldn't sleep through my dad's snoring and wakes up very early.